Palindrome
by LoveWorn
Summary: Their encounters had always been a cross between disaster and euphoria. After eight years, one divorce, and roughly 50,000 cigarettes, Gaara and Sakura find themselves struggling to move forward when the same feelings constantly hold them back. [GaaraxSakura] [AU]
1. Victim of Love

**Chapter 1: Victim of Love**

 _ **(Updated June 15th, 2019)**_

* * *

It was hot.

Summers in Japan always were, but that evening Sakura felt positively stifled. Tanabata festival was on its way, which meant the evening's train was packed full of friends and family on their way to celebrate with loved ones. It was sheer luck that she'd been able to get a seat without an advance reservation. Gone were the days of first class travel - that evening she blended in with the masses – no fussing, no fame – just one more sweaty, pallid face in a sea of many.

After hours on the train, Sakura's stomach growled and her feet hurt, but there hadn't been time for rest. Everything had been done in a rush, and it had taken a large chunk of the meager savings she'd squirrelled away over the years to even make the trip happen. They were only moments from Tokyo now, and suddenly everything felt real. Sakura shifted anxiously in her seat, suddenly acutely aware of each bead of sweat slowly working its way down her back.

"Mama you're squeezing too tight!" The little girl beside her tried desperately to wrench her hand from Sakura's iron grip.

"Sorry Sarada." She eased up a little, but refused to let go. It was a long time since Sakura had felt so scared, and she needed someone to ground her - even if that someone was her 8 year old daughter.

"When are we getting to grandma's?" Sarada whined. She was normally a quiet child - independent and focused - but while the heat made Sakura panic, it made Sarada irritable.

"Soon." Sakura checked her watch and felt herself begin to sweat more intensely. It had been warm before, but now that reality had settled in, things were sweltering. She and Sarada were on the last bullet train out of Sapporo for the night and approaching Tokyo quickly. They would have to get a bus from the station to Ueno, and then a taxi to her mother's house. Sakura hadn't worked out how she was going to afford either of those things, or even if she would be able to get there before the buses stopped running.

"How long is soon?" Sarada pushed. Sakura felt more sweat starting to bead on her upper lip, and wiped it with the back of her free hand.

"We're almost there." Sakura struggled hard to keep the irritation out of her voice. "Look."

She pointed out the window at the approaching station platform, and Sarada clambered over her lap to get a good view.

"Yes!" She piped up. "Is papa gonna meet us at Grandma's?"

Sakura hesitated. "Papa is…papa's away at work for a few weeks, Sarada. You know that."

"But Mama he's _always_ —

"—Sarada, please. Give it a rest," Sakura snapped. The train came to a stop and she lifted the frowning girl into her arms in preparation to disembark.

 **xxXoXxx**

Several rows up in the first class train car, Gaara lamented life.

He _hated_ train rides.

Excessive noise was one of his biggest pet peeves, and despite investing in a stupidly expensive set of noise-cancelling headphones, the mechanical hum of the train and its parts always managed to disturb his usual meditative ease. First Class seats or no, he could never get any work done. Temari would probably say he shouldn't be working anyway, that train rides were the perfect opportunity to "relax," but just the mere mention of 'relaxation' made Gaara cringe. Even after a month spent at the family's London offices working non-stop, Gaara felt a need to go over every document again with a fine-toothed comb.

He could hear Kankuro's voice in his head chuckling, ' _Rasa's really done a number on you, kid.'_

But when Gaara caught sight of the city lights and approaching train platform, he couldn't help but feel relaxed. It was always good to be home.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and a message notification popped up on his laptop screen. For a second Gaara didn't want to look, didn't want to imagine what kind of task his father or any other associate had cooked up for him at 11:30pm, but when he saw it was accompanied by a picture of his older sister, a tension in him released. The photo always stirred something in him. Temari together with her son Shikadai against an elaborate garden background of cherry blossoms; it had been taken at an obnoxiously expensive family portrait store, much to her husband Shikamaru's displeasure. Temari was giving an uncharacteristically sweet smile and peace sign, while the young boy looked a mix of bored and embarrassed.

 _ **Pick**_ _ **up your goddamn phone**_ , the message read.

 _What now?_ Gaara wondered. He briefly entertained the idea of ignoring it, but as if sensing the defiance, a series of shorter messages flashed on the screen in quick succession.

 _ **Im not fucking around Gaara**_

 _ **I know u have service**_

 _ **pick up!**_

 _ **now!**_

As irritating as Temari could be at times, Gaara knew it was best to stay on his older sister's good side. He picked up the call.

"Gaara speaking." He tried to sound businesslike as usual.

Temari snickered into the mouthpiece. "Well aren't you polite."

Gaara resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Temari, I'm exhausted. Is there an issue that needs resolving?"

"Hey now… I'm just checking in. I thought you'd be home already. It's late, you know."

"I'm on my way." He checked his watch. "The train is pulling in now and I'll get a car home."

Temari made an unimpressed sound in her throat, and Gaara paused for a moment, thinking. "Wait – are you in my apartment?"

"What's with the attitude? You've been out of the country for months. Don't you want to see your big sister?" Temari deftly avoided the question, and Gaara decided to follow suit.

"I'll be there in 35. Don't _touch_ anything." He hung up before the blonde could pepper him with more questions.

Just as he tucked his phone away, the other travellers around him began to pick up and move. Gaara gave a small sigh of relief. He hadn't slept properly in weeks, and all he had been able to think about all day was a glass of cold black tea and to sink into a soft, warm bed.

Gaara had planned to get off the train and head straight to arrivals to meet his driver, but as soon as he stepped onto the platform there was a commotion.

"NO! IT'S NOT FAIR! I'M NOT GOING!"

A little girl, red in the face, was screaming at the top of her lungs. There was no mother in sight, and around her, older passengers stared or clucked disapprovingly.

"YOU'RE SUCH A LIAR!" she cried again, over her shoulder.

"Sarada stop right there!" A woman's voice cut through the scream, and Gaara turned his head to the sound. Before he knew what was happening, a flurry of pink hair whizzed past, and the girl was snatched up by the arm.

"Sarada! Don't you dare ever run off like that again!" she snapped. Her green eyes were wild with anger, but Gaara could hear a tremble of fear in her voice. Immediately, the little girl pushed her face into the mother's shoulder to whine.

Although the rest of the platform surged ahead, Gaara couldn't tear his gaze from the sight just feet away from him. The moment he saw her, it was like being kicked in the gut. Pink hair or no, he would have recognized that face and those eyes anywhere. Time had changed her, but not enough.

"Sakura?" He called out.

For what he was sure was only the second time in his life, Gaara spoke without thinking. His voice sounded strange - _soft_ \- unlike himself. He prided himself on being level-headed at all times, but in a matter of seconds, a pink-haired woman had been able to turn that on its head.

Sakura spun around, still gripping Sarada's little elbow, and their eyes met. Hers, wild and mildly terrified, his, cool and even. Gaara remembered her pink hair always pin-straight and neat, but in the heat of the evening it was sweat-dampened and hung like limp strings of cotton candy around her face.

"G-gaara?" Sakura's voice caught in her throat. For a split second, she wanted to run, but when she saw the gentle look on his face, as quickly as the sensation came, it left. Instead, a nervous smile spread over her lips, and she straightened up immediately.

"Wow, it's…" she made a feeble attempt to straighten her hair with her fingers. "It's been…"

"Mama, who's this?" Sarada yanked her elbow away and held on to the back of Sakura's dress. Gaara's gaze was immediately drawn to the little girl, and her striking resemblance to someone else he once knew. She couldn't have been more than seven or eight, but there was no mistaking whose daughter she was. The jet black hair, the brooding face… the only thing that wasn't Uchiha were her eyes. They weren't the same soft green as her mother's, but even behind a pair of red rimmed glasses, the shape – expressive, bright – that was pure Sakura.

"Sarada this is my…" Sakura hesitated briefly as she moved the young girl out from behind her skirt. "This is an old friend. Gaara-san."

Immediately, Gaara defaulted to 'uncle-mode' and crouched to shake her hand, but Sarada backed away to bury her face in Sakura's leg.

"Hi Sarada," he tried, but Sarada kept her face hidden.

"Sorry. She's not usually so..." Sakura trailed off as her cheeks warmed with blush. She told herself that it was just the heat, but somehow just being close to Gaara was stirring up uncomfortable feelings.

"It's fine." Gaara rose back up to normal height and Sakura touched her hair again in another futile attempt to smooth it into place. Her hand came away noticeably damp. She could only imagine what she looked like – a sweat drenched pink rat in last season's Lily Pulitzer. And there he was, pristine even in Tokyo summer. It was a sharp inversion from the way things used to be between them. The spiky red hair she remembered from college was neatly parted and slicked down, and in a tailored business suit, Gaara looked like something out of a high fashion magazine. Back in school he'd never seemed particularly studious, but clearly _something_ had paid off.

"You look really well." She fiddled with her hair again, and hated herself for it. It was childish, but the longer she stood there, the more self-conscious she felt. Gaara opened his mouth to say something, but Sarada tugged urgently at Sakura's dress.

"Mama…" she whined. "I'm tired. Let's go see Grandma now."

"Sarada, just a little bit longer. Mama's having a conversation." Sakura gave Gaara an embarrassed smile, but he looked away.

"It's no trouble. It wasn't my intention to hold you up." He checked his watch. "It was good to see you, Sakura."

Sakura twisted the strap of her purse with her free hand. She hadn't expected him to be so abrupt. "Yeah. You too," she mumbled.

Suddenly feeling a bit strange, Gaara turned his back on the two and started to push his suitcase down the platform. Of all the people to run into, Sakura Haruno was the last one he'd expected. It had been almost 8 years since he'd seen her, and their last meeting hadn't exactly ended on good terms. Gaara could remember it like it was yesterday – the suitcase on his doorstep, the pleading, the tears...

Halfway down the platform, he stopped. He should have wanted to escape her, but walking away was like trudging through sand. Gaara worked with numbers all day, and he knew when things weren't adding up. He could feel it in Sakura's strained smile, and hear it in the almost panicked tone of her voice.

Behind him, Sakura held Sarada to the front of her legs, watching Gaara walk away. Something in her stomach felt sick and embarrassed after seeing him after so many years, but just as she started to turn, she saw Gaara closing the distance between them again with quick, long strides.

"Where are you two headed?" He asked.

It wasn't like Gaara to involve himself in others' personal matters, but he tried to tell himself it was for a nobler purpose than just wanting to be near her. It had been years since he'd seen Sakura, since she'd disappeared without a trace, and though Gaara didn't regard himself as a sentimental man, he had to admit – things were always a bit different when it came to her.

"Huh?" Sakura was caught off guard, but quickly recovered. "I mean – my parents'! Ueno! We're in town visiting while Sarada's on summer vacation!" She tried to seem calm, but Gaara could tell Sakura was being dishonest. Aside from Sakura's small purse and Sarada's pink backpack the two weren't carrying any luggage. And Sakura shifted oddly from foot to foot, as if they were paining her.

"Mama I'm tired," Sarada whined again, and Gaara gave his watch a glance. It _was_ late, and if Sakura didn't have someone coming to pick her up it would be dangerous to travel all the way out to Ueno at night. Though he never worried much in Tokyo, Ueno could be hit or miss for trouble.

"I can give you a ride out there. My driver should be here shortly." Gaara gave his cellphone a glance, and saw there was another new message, this time from a completely different number. He stared at the picture next to the contact name – a woman with a strangely glamorous work photo. Long dark hair, glossy white skin.

 **Back in town? How about a midnight snack? ;)**

He turned the screen off immediately.

Oblivious to the pause, Sakura went red. _Do I really look so desperate?_ She wondered. Her first thought was to refuse and make up an elaborate excuse, but with Sarada whining and tugging at her dress, Sakura could feel what little semblance of control she thought she had, slowly fading away.

"Gaara I…" She wrung her hands a little, but then bowed low. "I'd really appreciate it."

Gaara felt slightly uncomfortable at the show of gratitude, but turned his attention to his buzzing phone again to keep from showing any obvious emotion. After the last message, he hesitated a little, but this time, the urgency was from his father. He grit his teeth.

 **I see your flight landed an hour ago.**

 **Let's have a conference call tomorrow morning.**

 **Early.**

Rasa's messages were always blunt, and Gaara could read the impatience in every word.

"It's no trouble." He turned back to Sakura. "I just have to stop at my apartment to pick up some documents if that's not a problem."

"No, no! Of course not! Do anything you need!" Sakura bowed low again. She felt ridiculous prostrating herself in front of a former classmate, but didn't know what else to do. It had been so long since she'd seen Gaara, and sweaty and frantic certainly hadn't been the way she wanted to make a reunion appearance. And on top of everything, there she was, holding him up from what had to be important business. Still clutching Sarada's hand for dear life, she followed dutifully behind him.

After about ten minutes of awkward silence, a black Lexus rolled up to the sidewalk at the pickup area. A portly older man with close cropped hair opened his door and greeted Gaara with a warm smile.

"Gaara. Always a pleasure, sir." The driver opened the door to the backseat, but Gaara took one look at the sleepy looking Sarada and opened the passenger side door.

"I'll sit up here, thanks." He placed his briefcase inside and then opened the door to the backseats for Sakura and Sarada. The driver watched the scene with amused interest.

"Thank you Gaara." Sakura, yet again, couldn't keep the colour from flooding her cheeks. Sarada, on the other hand, bounced inside with a sudden renewed vigour.

The ride out to Gaara's apartment was in relative silence. Sakura drifted in and out of sleep, and Gaara couldn't help but look up into the rear-view mirror to watch her. When he really studied her, it was hard to find a trace of the girl he knew 8 years ago. There were same long pink locks, the same green eyes, but there was a wornness – a worry about her that made Gaara uncomfortable. She seemed thinner, too. _Too thin_. Gaara wanted to ask her more about her trip – about her life. Why had she come to Tokyo all of a sudden? How long would she be in town? Was Sasuke with her? And just how had she been managing in Hokkaido for all those years?

But each time her eyes fluttered open and he caught a glimpse of that soft green, the questions stuck in his throat. Gaara felt grateful when the car finally pulled up to a familiar complex and the shiny gloss buildings that signalled he was home.

"I'll just be a moment," Gaara said to the drowsy woman in the backseat, who just barely managed to nod. But just as he stepped out, Sarada woke and began to jostle Sakura's shoulder.

"Mama, I have to use the bathroom!" Sarada's 'whisper' carried over to Gaara's ears and he looked to Sakura, who seemed red enough to start another life as a tomato.

"Gaara I'm really sor—

"—It's no trouble at all," Gaara interrupted her, and gestured with his hand for her to follow.

As soon as she stepped out of the car, Sakura was taken aback by Gaara's building. She'd visited Azabu once or twice when Sasuke used to take her to fancy business dinners, but it had been years since she'd seen it again in person. The luxury neighborhood reminded her of carefree days spent lunching with other housewives and groups of American expats who had little cares outside of school rankings and the latest new brunch spot. Gaara's high-rise complex was massive, and incredibly well-kept. Even the surrounding shrubbery was clipped into perfect geometric shapes.

As they made their way to the front of the building, he paused briefly at the sight of a shiny white Mercedes in his designated parking spot.

' _Temari.'_

He sighed. For whatever reason, Sakura seemed unusually skittish and he wasn't sure being faced with his older sisters' overbearing presence was exactly what she needed.

"Mama…" Sarada tried her 'whisper' again, and Sakura gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Almost there. Be patient," she cooed.

"Welcome home, Gaara." The concierge at the front desk gave a nod to Gaara before doing a double take at the pink-haired woman and her daughter. He smiled. "… _and company_."

Gaara gave the man a look that screamed, 'mind your own business' before guiding Sakura and Sarada into one of the elevators. Sakura watched in awe as the glass lift rose, and they were able to see a 360 view of the floors beneath them. As they ascended higher, the inside of the building broke away to reveal a stunning view of the Tokyo skyline. Even Sarada had stopped whining and had her face pressed up against the glass in awe. The elevator stopped at the 14th floor, and Gaara led them to the front door of his apartment. Sakura couldn't help but stare. It had been years since they met in university, but she was still taken aback by how much he'd grown.

"You've done so well for yourself, Gaara." Sakura gave a gentle smile. "Your place… It's wonderful."

Gaara was mute. He usually ignored most compliments - in his experience, they usually came with strings attached - but there was something about Sakura's kindness that made his stomach uneasy. Instead of thanking her, he changed the subject.

"The restroom is at the very end of the hall. On the right." He finally found the electric fob and pressed it against the lock screen on the doorframe. "I'll only be a few—

"—WELCOME HOME!"

The moment Gaara pushed the door open, there was a burst of noise and light. Sakura, Sarada, and Gaara jumped back in shock at the chaos in front of them. Though Gaara had expected Temari to be bumbling around somewhere drinking his wine, there were a number of guests in the front hall of Gaara's apartment, waving streamers and making noise.

Naruto was front and center, followed close behind by Lee, Kiba, Kankuro, and Temari.

Sakura's face fell. All at once, she was confronted by a wall of joyful faces she hadn't seen in years. And as they recognised her, one by one, their smiles slowly faded. Terrified, Sarada rushed behind Sakura's legs and clung on for dear life.

"Fuck! No way! S-sakura-chan! Sakura-chan, is that really you?" Naruto dropped his noisemaker on the floor. Before Sakura could even stammer a response, he launched himself into her arms.

"SAKURA-CHAAAAAANNN!"

Sakura yelped as the blonde swung her around in his arms, narrowly missing knocking a piece of spiral glass artwork to the floor. He was much taller than she remembered, with his spiky blonde locks buzzed down to a more mature look.

Ino, Hinata, and Tenten were at Gaara's wet bar sipping cocktails, but the moment they heard Sakura's name, came rushing to the front door. Ino was first, practically hurling Naruto out of the way to get a good look at her old friend.

"Well isn't this something!" She folded her arms over her ample chest, a dark smirk on her lips. "You don't call, you don't write… and now?"

Still standing dumbly in the doorway, Gaara surveyed the tension between the two, and beside him, Temari holding a champagne flute, looked a cross between shocked and amused.

"Who's this little one?" Hinata spoke up in an attempt to bring a bit of lightness back to the room. Sakura smiled - she could always count on her for a bit of relief. While Ino fumed at Sakura's lack of a response, Hinata gave Sakura a warm smile and then crouched at her feet, extending a hand to Sarada.

Sakura felt her eyes beginning to water. The emotion of seeing everyone all at once was too much. But Hinata especially, with her gentle demeanor and motherly touch was a push over the edge.

"I'm Sarada Uchiha!" Sarada said proudly.

If possible, the silence in the room became even deeper.

"Oh my, yes. She looks just like him." Hinata gave Sakura a tentative smile. "Sasuke-kun."

"Poor Sarada-chan," Naruto joked, and although the joke surely went over Sarada's head, Kiba was quick to give Naruto a hard slap across his.

"And she's very much a daddy's girl," Sakura spoke for the first time, forcing a smile. Though Hinata smiled encouragingly, there was still an awkward air in the room.

At the very mention of Sasuke, Gaara pushed his suitcase in the rest of the way and headed straight for his bedroom. Though the rest of the house guests were focused on Sakura, Kankuro watched his little brother with interest. Gaara had never been one for much socialising, but his current mood was far beyond a bit of introvert's discomfort.

Although Ino still looked at her former friend with contempt, Tenten and Lee came forward to put their arms around Sakura.

"It's been a long time, Sakura-chan." Tenten pushed a frizzy strand of hair out of Sakura's face and tucked it behind her ear. "You look so mature. And a mother now. Congratulations."

"It's just a pity I missed the chance to make you mine," Lee joked, earning a little smile from Sakura.

"I…" Sakura held on to Sarada's shoulders for support. "I really—

"—cut the stammering. Where the f-u-c-k have you been all these years?" Ino butt in, clearly still fuming, but at the same time conscious of the little ears in the room. "Where's Sasuke?"

Gaara had just exited his bedroom when he heard the angry question. Sakura stood there dumbly, opening and closing her mouth in an obvious struggle.

The rest of the group stood awkwardly, but were clearly too curious to intercept on her behalf.

"Papa's…" Sarada started, and Sakura immediately looked alarmed. Temari caught it quickly and stepped in between them.

"Let's not do this now." Temari smiled and swung an arm over Sakura's shoulders. "Sakura's here, Gaara's finally back home… we've got champagne and tequila… let's celebrate!"

Though Ino still looked thoroughly disgusted, a chorus of cheers sparked throughout the sitting room. Just as Naruto jumped forward to smash Sakura into another hug, Gaara slunk out to the balcony.

"So, the prodigal pinkette returns." Kankuro caught his little brother just as he managed to slink outside.

Instead of facing him head on, Gaara slid the balcony door shut with his foot and looked out over the railing. Years of unsolicited sex tips and dating advice from the tattooed club owner told him never to give an inch when Kankuro would surely take a mile.

"Hey, I thought you said you gave that up years ago." Kankuro gestured to the pack of Seven Stars poking out of Gaara's shirt pocket.

Gaara's shoulders stiffened up, and though his tongue ached for the sharp, smoky taste of tobacco, he folded both arms against his chest . "Work has been quite stressful."

"Damn, you're more like dad every day." Kankuro smiled, but then regretted the joke when he saw Gaara's lips curl into a snarl.

"Don't fucking do that. I'm not in the mood." He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a lighter to go along with the box of cigarettes. It was a cheap, plastic off-brand and neither were surprised when it didn't spark right away. Still, with each flicker Kankuro winced, feeling the flame of his brother's temper building fast. As a child Gaara's dark moods had been uncomfortable to deal with, but as a man, there was something fear-inducing about them.

"So…" Kankuro tried to change the subject. "What's with this, anyway? Bringing her back to your place? Were you two going to…?" He made a lewd gesture with his finger and a fist. At that moment, Gaara managed to find a flame with the lighter.

"I was giving her a ride to her mother's place in Ueno. Jesus. She has a _child_ Kankuro." He placed a cigarette in his mouth and cupped a hand around the flame to catch it before it could disappear. He closed his eyes and took a slow drag in.

"Hey, kids sleep," Kankuro joked. "Besides… didn't you hear? Apparently it's with Sasuke Uchiha. Who would have seen that coming?" Kankuro chuckled awkwardly to himself when Gaara remained mute. "You think it was planned?"

Gaara glared out over the railing and took another hard drag on the cigarette. "She's wearing a ring, if you didn't notice."

"As if that means something nowadays. 100 bucks says she tried to trap him with it and he's still out there fucking—"

"Who's smoking out here?" Temari's voice cut Kankuro short, and Gaara nearly burned himself trying to hide the cigarette behind his back. When he turned, his sister and Sakura were standing in the doorway to the balcony. Temari's lips were curved wide with an impish grin, but Sakura's face was blank of emotion. Through the frosted glass doors Gaara could just barely make out Sarada happily being fussed over by Hinata and Tenten.

"Me." Kankuro picked up the cigarette box from the railing and tucked them in his back pocket. "Sorry sis."

Gaara didn't make eye contact with his brother, but was glad for the save.

"Really, Kanks? You know how disgusting I think that is. You're as bad as dad." Temari rolled her eyes. "Anyway… I was just trying to convince Sakura that she should stay and celebrate with us tonight. We don't mind, do we?"

"Of course not!" Kankuro raised his glass to the blushing woman next to his sister.

"Gaara's been on business in London for six months now. So you being here is just icing on the cake. We'll order a bit more food and booze and make it a big party," he urged. "Anything you want and…"

Gaara watched Sakura's expression as his brother rattled on, and noticed the way her eyes were trained on the floor in front of her. The way she dug her nails into her palms. It was beyond normal embarrassment.

"I appreciate it Temari. Kankuro. But I really didn't mean to impose like this. Gaara's probably exhausted, and—

"—no," Gaara interrupted Sakura, and when she lifted her gaze from the floor to meet his, gave a firm nod. "Stay. You and Sarada enjoy yourselves."

Behind Sakura's back, Kankuro and Temari exchanged curious looks. Although they were both intrigued by Sakura's appearance, they were surprised by Gaara's sudden charitable nature.

"Hear that? We all want to have you!" Temari grabbed Sakura's arm with a grin and mouthed a 'thank you' to Gaara before dragging the woman back inside. "Now come on, let's get you a drink! Or two! Or three!"

"How unusually generous of you," Kankuro smirked. "Sure you didn't bring her to bang?"

Gaara ignored the remark and looked out over the balcony with sigh. _Generous?_ He thought. _If only it were that simple._

"It's late. There's no point in travelling now. I'll let them take the car to Ueno in the morning." Gaara finished off the last of his cigarette and reached for another.

Kankuro started to make another joke, but when Gaara hardened his gaze out over the skyline, he could sense his brother wasn't in the mood. He tried to change the subject.

"Everything go okay in London? I heard that you and Shijima…"

Gaara lit up again and rubbed the back of his head vigorously, as if trying to shake thoughts loose.

"We're adults," he said quietly. "She took it as well as to be expected."

"Well, I mean I have to ask… did that have anything to do with…you know?" Kankuro took a sip of his beer and gestured toward the house. "Did you guys get in contact recently? Start something up?"

"Of course not." Gaara snapped. "Today was a coincidence."

"Hey- I only ask because I don't know…it seemed sudden. You and Shijima were together for a while and now you're not. And all of a sudden Sakura's here out of nowhere…"

"I don't want to discuss this," Gaara insisted. "I have more important things on my plate."

Kankuro nodded and turned his head. He wasn't like Temari, but more like Rasa in the way he dealt with people. He didn't always need to know all the details, and was never the one to push difficult situations. So when Gaara said enough was enough, he immediately backed off.

"I'll see you inside." He gave Gaara's back a slap before stepping back into the house.

Gaara was able to smoke two and a half more cigarettes before anyone realized he was missing.

"Your sister said I should grab you for cake and toasts." Shikamaru emerged on the balcony while Gaara was in mid-exhale.

"Right." Gaara quickly crushed the stub of a cigarette before turning to face his his brother-in-law. Shikamaru couldn't help but smirk.

"Don't worry, my lips are sealed." Shikamaru gestured to the ash on the railing. "I'm sure Temari finding out would be just as troublesome for me as it would be for you."

Gaara nodded, but instead of even offering a smile, stared dimly into the house.

"You alright?" Shikamaru gave a glance inside to where the group was surrounding Sakura.

"I think I'd be a lot better if people stopped asking me that," Gaara muttered, but Shikamaru shrugged and looked up to the sky.

"Well whatever it is..." he sighed out. "These things pass."

When Gaara returned inside, Sakura looked far less self-conscious. She'd pulled her long hair up into a messy bun and she was talking rather animatedly about something Gaara couldn't quite hear. As she spoke, the rest of the group seemed enthralled, hanging on every word. He didn't blame them. There was something about her, something about her smile and the way her eyes lit up when she was happy. Something that made him want to shiver even in the heat of Tokyo summer. His eyes fell to the empty champagne glass in her hand, and another three beside her chair.

 _Well, I suppose it's always easy to be happy with a little help._

When he lifted his gaze back to her face, Sakura stared back at him with a smile. It had been years since she'd smiled like that for him. She'd looked so foreign to him in the car, but the sudden brightness made everything much more familiar.

"What were you doing out there so long?" Temari came up from behind and looped her arm through his, shaking the moment.

"Noth…" Gaara started, but Temari leaned in and sniffed. "I…"

"You," she growled, catching a strong whiff of cigarette smoke. "We'll talk later." She gave his back a stiff pat.

"Gaara, there you are. Man of the hour! Have a drink!" Sakura hopped off the arm of the couch and picked up a fresh glass of champagne. Gaara stared at the flute, her hand, and the diamond ring there taunting him.

"I really shouldn't. I have a call in the morning. Early work," he explained. Behind him, the men in the apartment chorused groans of 'boo' and 'pussy.'

"Not even one?" Sakura pouted. She took another step closer and pressed the rim to her pouted lips before waving the glass just under Gaara's nose. His gaze was drawn to the sticky pink lip print she'd left on the rim.

"Not even for me?" Her tone was playful, with an erotic lilt that didn't go unnoticed by the men in the room. Kankuro concealed his smirk into a glass of whisky.

"I remember when you used to love to drink with me," she murmured close to his ear, and for a second, Gaara felt as though it was just the two of them in the room. She smiled, and a hot feeling stirred in the pit of his stomach.

"Just one." Gaara gave in and took the flute from her hand.

"You really do look great." Sakura couldn't stop herself from giving the compliment again, and Gaara tried his best to ignore it. Earlier on she'd looked so frazzled, but now she stood just a little too close, spoke a little too sweetly, flirted a little too much. She was clearly out of sorts. There were so many thoughts buzzing around in Gaara's head, most of them wildly inappropriate, so he found it best to stay mute.

Gaara felt her staring hard, but distracted himself by searching the room for the mini-Uchiha. "Where's Sarada?"

At the mention of her daughter, Sakura forgot all about her drunken tease. "She was sleepy so we put her down in your spare room – is that okay?"

"Of course that's fine," Gaara said to reassure her.

"Hey, let's do toasts!" Temari cut in holding a large sheet cake. Gaara normally didn't do sweets, but seeing the way Sakura's eyes lit up at the sight of the sugar-laden treat, couldn't help but want to follow along.

The group gathered around the long table in Gaara's dining room – one that Temari had insisted he buy for hosting parties, but had so frequently remained empty. That night, it was full, and almost overflowing with alcohol and snacks. Gaara stood at one end, with Sakura at the other. Their eyes met again, and he felt a flash of warmth creep up the back of his neck.

He looked away in an attempt to keep from getting too sentimental, but when he looked up again, noticed her eyes seemed glassy and wet. Temari started off with a small speech, and slowly the toasts went around the length of the table.

"A toast to friendships!" Naruto raised his glass.

"A toast to reunions!" Lee cheered.

"A toast to girl power!" Tenten winked.

"A toast to getting to bed on time?" Gaara tried, and there was a tittering of laughter.

When it came back around to Sakura, all eyes locked on the pink-haired woman. The wave of emotion from earlier came back at full force. The feel of their eyes all on her, waiting for some sort of explanation. Something she didn't know how to give.

Tears pricking the corner of her eyes, Sakura raised her glass. "A toast to divorce."

A shocked silence came over the room. Even Kankuro, who had been secretly helping himself to finger scoops of frosting, stopped to stare at the pink haired woman. When there was no reaction, she doubled down. Tears streaming down her cheeks this time, she repeated it, louder.

"To fucking divorce!"

 **xxXoXxx**

AN: I'm LoveWorn and I love unusual pairings! But I mean, come on. Let's be real. Everyone knows Sakura X Gaara would be way better than the emotional abusefest that is Sasuke X Sakura. Lol. If you loved it or hated it, please leave a review! Hopefully there are people out there interested in what comes next... ;D


	2. All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye

**Chapter 2: All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye**

 _ **(Updated December 30th, 2018)**_

AN: Thanks so much for my two first reviews! You guys are lovely! Hope you enjoy this chapter :)

* * *

As usual, Gaara was up before the sun.

The conference call with his father was scheduled for 8 am sharp, but the redhead always gave himself an extra two hours to mentally prepare for meetings with Rasa.

Shower, shave, and shavasana.

He needed the quiet to ground himself, especially after the chaos of the night before. What started as a slightly strange but cheerful evening had quickly turned awkward the moment Sakura made her confession.

" _A toast to divorce."_

" _To fucking divorce!"_

Gaara could still hear the crack in Sakura's voice. She'd tried to smile through the statement, but he could see the wetness in her eyes that made the cool green seem warped and glassy.

" _To new beginnings."_ He'd jumped in to cut the silence, and for a moment it had worked. Shocked mouths quirked up at the edges into nervous smiles and hands hovering over hors d'oeuvres quickly came together in soft claps of approval. The only one frozen by the statement was Sakura. She clutched her champagne glass, white knuckled with fingers wrapped around the stem so tightly he thought it might shatter.

Despite the effort, she'd burst into tears and run off. The girls all rushed to comfort her, but by the time Gaara managed to apologetically shuffle all the well-meaning guests out of his house, Sakura had joined her daughter to pass out in his guest room.

" _I think the best thing is to just let her sleep it off." Temari had looked back at the door with something akin to pity in her eyes. 'She had a lot to drink… she's a bit of a wreck right now.'_

' _I'd take her home with me, but it's across town and Sarada's already sleeping." Temari began her apology. "And Ino and Sai don't really have space for—_

"I _t's fine."_

Though Temari tried to shield Sakura from him, Gaara could see the bottoms of her feet from the open crack in the door, and the way they looked strangely red and swollen as they dangled off the edge of the bed.

 _How long had she been travelling before he'd met them_ , he wondered.

Gaara laid back on his yoga mat, eyes closed and took a deep breath in through his nose. He wanted to forget seeing her that way, forget hearing the stifled sobs coming from her room when he passed by on his own way to bed the night before, but even meditation was no cure for that. When he first saw her and Sarada, Gaara was stunned by how different things were. She was older of course, more womanly, and now had a child. But after the way he'd seen Sakura break down at the mention of her relationship, he wasn't sure much had changed at all. She was the same woman under the thumb of a man he couldn't stand. Given their history, at the very _least,_ Gaara felt he owed her a place to stay the night.

All of a sudden, the tinny cracking of terracotta echoed across the house and stifled Gaara's peace. He knew immediately where it had to have come from, and scrambled out of his bedroom to the topiary room next door.

Turning the corner Gaara braced himself, but his shoulders slumped when he faced his "intruder." A little Uchiha stood barefoot in his topiary room, soil covering her hands.

As soon as their gazes locked, Sarada's lip quivered and behind her glasses Gaara could see her eyes welling with tears.

"I'm really sorry!" She whimpered. Moving quickly to intercept the wails, Gaara crouched at her level and gently scooped up the remains of the prickly plant from the floor.

"It's okay, don't cry." He used his clean hand to rub her back the way he'd seen Temari do a thousand times when calming Shikadai. "Cacti are resilient things. She'll be okay."

"She?" Sarada sniffled and wiped her wet eyes with the back of her wrist.

"Yes." Gaara carefully picked up the shards of terracotta from the tile and then swept the dirt aside with his broom. "This one is Clara. Brand new."

When he'd piled up the dirt and moved it out of the way, Gaara lifted Sarada and held her up to see the cacti and other succulents lined around the room.

"Then there's Maura, Terra, Persephone… they've all been with me for a while. Like I said...resilient."

"What's that one?!" Sarada gestured to a massive cactus sitting in a pot in the corner of the room, whose top was blooming with a smattering of pink flowers.

"Oh, that." Gaara shifted Sarada in his arms so that he could pull the pot closer from its sill.

"What's her name?"

"It…" Gaara hesitated. "It doesn't have one," he lied.

"Well then can I name her?"

"Well—

"Sarada!" Sakura gasped as soon as she saw the cracked pot and soil all over the floor.

"Mama, look!" Sarada jumped out of Gaara's arms as he lowered her to the floor, and gestured to the big cactus. However, Sakura was too mortified to pay attention.

"Gaara I'm so sorry. Your plant—

"—everything's just fine." Gaara cut her off.

Sakura sighed out hard and looked to her daughter, who tried her best to shrink herself behind Gaara's pajama pant leg.

"You shouldn't touch things that don't belong to you, Sarada. You know that." She crouched to her level. "You're lucky Gaara is so nice."

Gaara watched Sakura stroke her daughter's hair as she spoke. Though her words were firm, there was a distinct softness in the chiding that dispelled any tension in the room.

"Sorry, Gaara." Sarada dug her toes into the carpet as she apologised.

"It's fine." Gaara tried to wave her off, but Sakura rose back to full height in a hurry.

"No, it's important for us to apologise when we do something wrong." Sakura clung to Sarada's small shoulders as she spoke. When Gaara met her gaze, he could tell there was definitely a double meaning behind her words. "It's really important."

Gaara only nodded.

"Sarada, go wait in the living room." She shooed the little girl out of the room, and Gaara watched Sarada reluctantly shuffle out the door. The moment it swung closed behind her, Sakura put her face in her hands.

"How are you feeling?" Gaara asked before she had a change to spill out the apology he knew was coming.

"Mortified." She threw her hands down. "I don't know what the hell I was thinking, Gaara. I don't usually drink like that. Really. All I know is that I'm so, so—

"You have nothing to apologize for," Gaara interrupted.

He couldn't help but smile when he saw the crease of worry build up on Sakura's brow. She was always in her own head.

"Christ." She sighed out the breath she'd been holding. Although they could be quite rare, Sakura had always appreciated the warmth of Gaara's smile. She bowed her head, fingering the frayed neckline of her shirt. Gaara recognised it immediately as one of his old gym tops - the white fabric made shiny and sheer through overuse of softener. The stitched Lacoste logo distorted itself over the swell of her right breast. He quickly brought his gaze back to her face. It had been quite a while since he'd had a woman other than Temari in his apartment, and Sakura was quickly reminding him of the feelings that could come with that kind of intimacy.

"You haven't changed at all," she said softly. "Not really."

Gaara knew the words were meant to be kind, but there was something about them that stung.

"I'm your friend. I'm here to help," he said, and watched as a bit of colour worked its way back in Sakura's cheeks. She looked at him for a moment that Gaara felt like lasted ages. Her brow furrowed and she looked as if she might say something important, but across the hall, Gaara's phone buzzed loudly.

He glared at his watch. 6:25. He still had plenty of time.

"I'm sorry I have to—

"—no, it's fine." Sakura played with the frizzy ends of her hair. "You're a busy man."

Gaara stepped off down the hall, leaving Sakura alone in the room. As the sun began to rise, the topiary room filled with light, and Sakura was happy to feel the warmth seep in through the windows and onto her skin. She took a look around at the variety of succulents, creeping vines and prickly plants that filled the shelves. All brilliantly cared for, not a browning leaf in sight. Sakura smiled to herself. She'd discovered Gaara's sweet spot for plants back in college, but just the thought of him dutifully gardening always seemed at odds with his businesslike persona. Sakura turned to the side and caught sight of a large cactus in the corner, sitting in a familiar blue pot, blooming with pink flowers.

She froze. _'That's - It couldn't be…'_

Just as she started to get closer to the plant, Gaara returned, markedly different than before. He'd changed into a crisp white button-down and slacks, and his hair was parted and combed neatly into place. But more startlingly, Sakura could see a distinct tension in his jaw.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Mn?" Gaara had missed the question, but when he saw the concern on Sakura's face, quickly forced a small smile.

"Yes. Sorry about that. Can I get you something to eat?" Gaara tried. "For you or Sarada."

Sarada suddenly reemerged in the doorway. "Scrambled eggs!" She piped up, but then caught the dangerous look on her mother's face. "I mean…"

"Simple enough." Gaara started off toward the kitchen, but Sakura was hot on his heels in an embarrassed panic.

"Gaara no… really! You've done too much. Sarada can wait until we get to my mom's. Right, Sarada?"

"Mmnnn…"Sarada frowned as she gave a stubborn nod.

"I have time. It's really no trouble." Gaara waved her off. Sakura tried again to protest, but by the time she met him in the kitchen, the redhead had already started cracking eggs into a glass bowl.

"God," she sighed in defeat and took a seat at the island. "You really are the same, Gaara. Always caring about whatever riff-raff rolls your way."

"Mama, what's riff-raff?" Sarada asked as she tried to pull herself onto one of the stools near where Gaara was whisking the eggs. The chair began to tip, but Gaara, moving fast, managed to catch her just in time. Sakura, who had just missed her daughter's hand, let go the breath she'd been holding.

"It means _good people_ ," he smiled through the fib and lifted Sarada onto the stool across from him. "I always care about good people."

"Oh." Sarada looked at Sakura, and then back to Gaara, who poured the egg mixture into a hot pan. "Well, obviously you're riff-raff too, Gaara."

Gaara and Sakura shared a quick glance and quiet chuckle.

"Thanks Sarada. That's kind of you." Gaara finished stirring the eggs and then placed a generous helping in front of the young girl. Sarada grabbed at her fork and put both elbows on the table in preparation to dig in.

"Remember to follow our table rules," Sakura chided in a sing-song voice.

"But you're not following table rules." Sarada pulled her elbows back with a smirk. "You always say we're supposed to get dressed before meals, but you're not even wearing pants…"

Sakura, who had carelessly swinging her bare legs from the stool, turned bright red.

"Shit!" Sakura jumped down in realization and darted off to the spare bedroom, much to Gaara's disappointment.

In a mortified rush, Sakura yanked on her dress from the night before, but not before giving herself a good once-over in the mirror. She was 2 for 2 in showing herself to be a sloppy mess in front of Gaara. Carefully, she used her fingers to comb her hair away from her face and up into a neat ponytail. From her purse she used a bit of concealer to cover the bags under her eyes.

' _How could I let him see me like that? Jesus. He must think I'm...'_ Her thoughts raced as she applied a bit of peach gloss to her lips. Yet, hesitated as she started to move a mascara wand through her lashes. _'Stop. Stop fucking doing this.'_

Sakura placed the makeup back in her bag. She stared down at her right hand, and the large, almost gaudy diamond ring on her finger. For a moment she toyed with taking it off, but the bare feeling quickly became too much and she slid it back into place.

When Sakura returned to the kitchen, she spotted Gaara sliding plates into the dishwasher as Sarada busied herself watching cartoons on an iPad while shoveling eggs into her mouth.

"Ah, the iPad to distract her… you know the real parenting tricks." Sakura joked.

Gaara looked up from rinsing a plate and did a double take. Though Sakura had looked just fine to him before, he was taken in by what five minutes worth of freshening up could do. Her eyes suddenly seemed even brighter, and her features more smooth and delicate.

' _Women are magical creatures,'_ he thought.

"When you have to babysit Shikadai and Boruto from time to time, you learn quickly," he said.

"Shikadai? Boruto?" Sakura asked, genuinely confused.

It was then Gaara remembered just how long it had been since Sakura had been away. "Shikadai is Temari's son. Boruto is Naruto's. He and Hinata had a little girl a few months ago as well. Himawari-chan."

"God…I missed everything, didn't I? What about you? Do you have a wife and six kids hidden somewhere around here?"

Sakura chuckled, but when Gaara had his back turned to close the dishwasher, did a quick scan of the living room. No high heels in the entryway, no tubes of lipstick or hair ties in sight. Even the night before she hadn't seen any kid's toys or women's touches around anywhere. When she really thought about it, the place was quite sterile.

"Not that I know of." Gaara said, but then frowned when he realized how that might sound. "I mean…I'm a bit behind the curve when it comes to those things."

Sakura thought of Sasuke. "Well, sometimes taking it slow is best. You make fewer mistakes that way."

"Finished!" Sarada held up her empty plate, and Sakura clapped her hands together in cheer.

"Great! Now what do we say, Sarada?" Sakura gave her daughter's shoulders a playful rub.

"Thanks, Gaara-san." Sarada smiled. "Your house is so cool! Hope we can come again soon!"

"Ah…" Sakura blushed and shooed her daughter into the living room to wait. "Sorry about that."

"No, it's nice to have a bit of validation now and then," Gaara joked. "Even if it is from an 8-year-old."

Sakura smiled meaningfully at the redhead. "Thank you, Gaara. Really."

"It's no—

Before he could finish, Sakura rose on her tiptoes and enveloped him in a firm hug. Gaara, taken aback, froze when he felt her body against his. It was so sudden, he didn't know what to do. For a moment he stood statue-still, but when Sakura squeezed closer, felt compelled to wrap both arms around her back. Sakura made a soft sound, somewhere between a sigh and a moan, and Gaara held her tighter.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd comforted anyone like this. Gaara placed a hand on the top of her head, but the moment he thought to stroke her hair, a set of little footsteps rushed back into the room.

"Mamaaaa… are we going now or can I watch another?" Sarada's innocent voice cut into their silence, and Sakura pulled away lightning fast. When their eyes met, Gaara saw that hers were wet.

"Sakura?" He reached out for her hand, but she took a fast step back.

"We-we're going," she stammered, and bowed quickly before grabbing Sarada's little hand. "See you another time, Gaara!"

Before Gaara even had time to even offer her a ride, Sakura had fumbled the door open and rushed out. As soon as it slammed shut behind her, Gaara leaned against the wall to steady himself. Almost as if on cue, his phone began to ring.

 _Rasa._

Instead of picking up the call, Gaara made a beeline for his office and started up Skype. He called his father first, knowing full well that Rasa would drop the call and then ring him again.

' _Egomaniac,'_ he thought as soon as Rasa hung up the first attempt.

As soon as they were connected, his father launched straight into criticism.

"You're late," he pointed at his watch for emphasis. It was only three minutes past eight, but Gaara didn't even bother to argue.

"My apologies," he said instead, and opened one of his file folders. "I can get you up to speed on—

"—I've already read your report." Rasa cut him off. "Well done. Although as I keep telling you…brevity matters."

"My apologies," he repeated, fighting hard the urge to roll his eyes.

"The London client was pleased with your leadership, so let's assume they'll be repeat business. How was everything else?"

"Everything else?" Gaara was startled by the question. "I… did someone complain about something?"

"I mean, you were in London, weren't you?" Rasa seemed bored. "Did you enjoy yourself?"

Gaara stared dumbfounded at the man on the screen before him. Rasa never asked him questions that were even remotely the slightest bit personal, and for a moment Gaara wondered if it was some sort of twisted test.

"I…yes. I mean… I didn't quite have time. Lots of work," he tried.

Rasa drummed his fingertips on the table for a moment before sighing.

"Anyway, we're contracting out the financials for this next project so you won't have to worry about…"

Although he was thrown off by his father's odd mood, Gaara allowed himself to zone out, thinking about the way Sakura had held him so tightly only moments before. She felt so small and warm…

"Is something wrong?" Rasa asked. Gaara was startled by the question, but from the deep frown on his father's face, assumed immediately that the query wasn't coming from a place of concern or the kindness of his heart.

"No. Everything is operating as it should," Gaara said briskly.

"Right." Rasa gave him a suspicious look before continuing. "As I was saying… Shijima will have some extra time this week, so you'll be able to travel together, as usual."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Gaara was quick to interject.

"Why?" Rasa demanded.

Gaara suddenly felt a headache coming on. Instead of responding right away, he put a hand to his temple. When Rasa finally had enough of the silence, he sighed aloud.

"Whatever," he muttered and dropped the call abruptly, leaving Gaara staring at a blank screen.

' _Fuck you too dad,'_ he thought, and shut his laptop. Gaara's relationship with his father had always been… _difficult_ , to say the least. However lately, for a reason he couldn't quite figure out, it seemed as though the man was getting shorter and shorter with him.

 **xxXoXxx**

* * *

One half hour bus ride later, Sakura found herself standing in front of her childhood home in Ueno. It was amazing how much things hadn't changed. 8 years and her mother still lived in the same house, on the same street, with the same stupid pink welcome mat and matching doorbell. It had been so long since she'd seen her mother that for a moment, Sakura wondered if she was the only one who'd become something peculiar.

"What are you doing?" Sarada snapped. "Let's see Grandma already!"

Sakura snapped out of her daze and hurriedly rang the doorbell. It only took a second for the blonde to rush up to the door.

"Listen you assholes, I told you I don't want to buy a subscrip—

Mebuki paused mid-rant as soon as she saw her visitors more clearly.

"Sakura! Sarada!" She jumped back in surprise.

"Oh goodness – look how big you are!" Mebuki swung the young girl around in her arms. Sakura couldn't help but smile, watching the two, but also feel a pang of guilt for keeping them away from each other for so long.

Although Mebuki had travelled to visit her occasionally at their house in Hokkaido, Sasuke resented having to be around and "put on a show," as he called it. Therefore, the meetings had always been few and far between. After their last fight, Sasuke had gotten particularly fed up with it and as a result mother hadn't seen either of them for almost three years.

"I'm definitely going to be as tall as papa soon," Sarada said proudly. Mebuki gave a good-natured laugh, but Sakura couldn't help but notice the way her mouth twisted up in disapproval as soon as the little girl turned her back.

"And you! Your hair's so long!" Her mother fussed over Sakura's locks. "All those split ends though. Christ, Sakura. You think that husband of yours could toss you a few bucks for the salon now and then."

"Mom you know Sasuke likes to see me with long hair." Sakura gave a gentle reproach. "I'm trying to grow it out a bit more first. Then I'll fix it up."

Mebuki only rolled her eyes at the backwards comment and ushered Sarada in towards the living room. While her mother set Sarada up with the television, Sakura wandered around the kitchen. The paint was different and there were some new fake flowers on the sill, but everything else - from the backsplash tiles to the pencil height chart next to the fridge - it was just as she'd remembered.

"It's been a long time, Sakura." Mebuki's tone took on a serious edge as soon as she re-entered the room. "I worried about you. You _and_ Sarada."

Sakura hung her head in shame. "I tried to call as much as I could," she said softly.

"You know very well that a phone call at Christmas and New Year's isn't enough," her mother countered. "You can't imagine the kind of shit that went through my mind these past few years. What he could have been doing to you out there in that house…"

"Mother, please. Again with the dramatics…" Sakura dropped into a chair at the kitchen table and watched as her mother pulled out a covered bowl from the fridge. "Sasuke wasn't _doing anything_ to me."

"Oh right, yes. Just _doing everyone else_ , I'm sure." Mebuki said sarcastically as she popped it in the microwave. Sakura's shoulders slumped.

Sasuke's infidelities had been something of an open secret for years, and though Sakura knew other people loved to gossip about it, she tried never to let it get to her. They didn't know the intricacies of their relationship - they didn't _understand_. But somehow to hear it from her own mother…

Mebuki saw the look on her daughter's face and instantly regretted the comment. "Sakura… honey…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—

"—don't." Sakura held a hand up. "Besides, it's not like you're saying anything I haven't heard before."

Mebuki reached across the table to hold her daughter's hand. Though Sakura was resistant at first, something about the look in her mother's eyes broke her.

"I just thought Sarada and I should get away for a little bit." She began to sniffle. "It's been hard and…"

The microwave timer went off and Mebuki rushed to put the bowl of curry in front of her daughter. "Tell me the truth," she said, before handing Sakura a spoon. "Has he been hitting you?"

"Mom," Sakura sighed.

"Sarada?"

"No. Never!" She was adamant. "Sasuke loves her more than anything." She wanted to be able to say 'us,' but she wasn't sure how true that was anymore.

When Mebuki didn't respond, Sakura started to eat a little of the curry. It was sweet, and slightly spicy, just the way she liked it. And yet, she felt like she couldn't swallow it down.

Sakura pushed the barely eaten bowl of food away from her.

"Hey, you finish that." Mebuki gestured to the bowl. "You look like a skeleton. He been starving you too?"

" _Mother_ —"

"I'm telling you right now, Sakura, that man is toxic." Mebuki frowned. "He clearly doesn't know a good thing when he sees it, and I swear to God your father would have hated him."

"Where is papa?" Sakura looked around the room, desperate for a change in topic.

Mebuki sighed at her daughter's classic avoidance technique. "I moved him a little bit. I cleared out the old sewing room for some more space. I figured he'd like it."

"Ah." Sakura followed her mom to a room down the hall where the old alter was present. She lit a stick of incense before lowering herself to her knees on a pillow in front of the raised platform. Mebuki joined her daughter and pulled open the ornate wooden doors to reveal Kizashi's photo placed just slightly below the Buddha. Her dad had died years ago when she was four – a hit and run accident on his way home from work. It had been 24 years since then, and yet every time Sakura saw his photo in the shrine, it was like the wound had been reopened.

"How bad is it, Sakura?" Her mother put a hand on her daughter's shoulder after she'd finished her prayer. Almost immediately, Sakura began to cry.

"Bad," she whimpered. "He fucking served me, mom."

"Divorce papers?" Mebuki looked shocked. "Him? Jesus."

"We'd been arguing more about his late nights and the other women and I just…I blew up. He said he wants to have more children, but I just don't know that I can do this shit again. You know how hard it was with Sarada…" Sakura was careful to keep her voice low.

"He wants you barefoot and pregnant while he does whatever he pleases." Her mother was firm. "That's always been his plan."

"I gave him an ultimatum over the phone while he was on business and the very next day the divorce papers showed up."

"Well then. Are you ready to call his bluff and leave?" Mebuki looked at her daughter with a serious gaze, but sighed when Sakura began to waffle. "He's trying to scare you into staying, Sakura."

"I've _been_ scared, mom. I mean what the fuck are we supposed to do? I gave up my fucking job years ago… I've depended on him for everything…"

"That's why you need to sign those papers and get your life back."

"But what about Sarada's life?" Sakura was desperate. "You should see him with her, mom. He really does love her."

"That doesn't mean you have to stay." Mebuki put an arm around her daughter's shoulder, drawing her into her chest. "That doesn't mean that's what's best for **you.** "

Sakura thought of how she'd hugged Gaara so desperately. It had been so long since she'd been held like that. It was embarrassing that yet again she'd put him in that position, but she couldn't deny that it felt safe. Just like with her mother.

"I want to start over," she whispered. "I really do."

"You can." Mebuki kissed her daughter's forehead, the way she did when she was young. "And you two can stay here for as long as you need to figure out how."

Although Sakura relaxed into her mother's hold, she knew the situation was more complicated than that. She and Sasuke had been together for as long as she could remember. High school 'sweethearts.' It would never be as simple as just turning her back and walking away. And on top of that, she was back in Tokyo, forced to face all the people she'd depended on and summarily deserted years before. They'd all want answers, and she still didn't know how to explain.

Sakura thought of Gaara in particular, and how kind he'd been. It should have hurt to see him more than anyone, but instead, she was filled with a strange longing. Sakura twisted a lock of frizzy hair around her finger, trying to distract herself from the way her heart still raced when she thought of him.

Mebuki squeezed her tighter, and Sakura immediately shook the romantic notions from her head. There was no time for childish fantasy and reflection. If she wanted to protect Sarada – hell, if she wanted to protect herself – she would need to grow up and learn how to put the past behind her.


	3. Daddy Issues

**Chapter 3: Daddy Issues**

 _ **(Updated September 16th, 2018)**_

 **AN:** Woop woop! A long chapter! :-) Thank you for all the supportive reviews - it's awesome to see all the Gaara x Sakura fans out there, and to be able to possibly convert some of you guys who are just super curious about where this will go, lol. ;-) Let me know what you think of Chapter 3~!

* * *

Sakura woke the next day a little past noon. By then the sun had already flooded her room, and was quickly baking her legs. She'd kicked off the sheets at some point during the night, but without air-conditioning, the lack of a comforter hardly made a difference. Sakura lay in her childhood bed, sticky with sweat, staring up at the ceiling. Posters of famous 80s glamour models and bisected images of the human body - torn from old issues of Discover - stared back at her. The dichotomy was always strong – her fascination by the science and physiology, yet wanting to belong as a woman in outside that clinical space – sexy, curvy, popular.

28 years and she still hadn't gotten that one down.

Outside, the noise of cartoons carried out from the living room and told her Sarada had probably been up for some time. Sakura turned over on her side and picked up her phone from the bedside table.

As soon as she turned it on, one by one notifications flooded her screen – slow at first, but then in quick succession. 24 missed calls. 6 voicemails. 49 texts.

Sasuke Uchiha.

Sakura stared at the image she'd saved of him in her phone. It was one of the rare photos she'd snagged of him smiling. She remembered the moment perfectly – a warm spring day, one of the few he spent at home with them, even after Sarada was born. He'd just watched the little Uchiha take her first steps, and Sakura was so shocked she'd nearly dropped the camera. She couldn't remember the last time he'd smiled like that for her. If he'd _ever_ smiled like that for her. Sakura tapped on the first voicemail and let it play.

" _So I'm sure you're quite pleased with yourself right now, so I'll let you play your little game for a while. But let me tell you something, Sakura. You're not nearly as smart as you think you are. The fucking fancy clothes you wear, the food you buy… what are you going to do without me to bankroll your lifestyle?_

 _Sarada is my daughter too, and if you think I'm going to just let you traipse off to Tokyo with her so you can entertain your fucking delusions of single life, you've got another thing coming. I mean Jesus… do you think you run me now? I'll fucking —_

The door swung open without warning and Sakura deleted the message as soon as Mebuki popped her head in. "Oh good, you're finally up."

"I'm not," Sakura mumbled, and pulled the sheets up over her head. Encased in stifling darkness, she hoped her mother would get the hint, but the space on the bed next to Sakura's foot sank down, and she knew Mebuki had taken a seat.

"Want to come with me to the market?" She gave one of Sakura's toes a wiggle. "We can buy dumplings and some veggies for hot pot. I even saw your favourite strawberry mochi on sale last week."

"I shouldn't eat those things anymore." Sakura pouted into the pillowcase.

"Who says?" Mebuki ripped the sheets back from Sakura's face. " _Sasuke-kun_?"

Sakura dragged her gaze back to the screen of her phone, and the slew of notifications there. Just as she toyed with the idea of opening up a text message this time, Mebuki snatched it from her hands and stuck it in the pocket of her apron.

"What you _should_ do is get some fresh air. If you're going to stay here, there's no way I'm going to let you lie around in bed all day. Especially not when your daughter is asking for you."

"Sarada?" Sakura sat up immediately. "What's wrong?"

"We did crafts while you were sleeping," Mebuki smiled. "I'm sure she'd like to show you."

Sakura breathed out and lowered her eyes to her lap. "I don't know what I'm going to do, mom. I'm starting to think this whole thing was a stupid idea."

"Why? Because you'll finally have to do something on your own now?" Mebuki quipped.

Sakura glared at the floor. She wanted to blow up, but knew better than to snap back at her mother. Still, she didn't understand – why was her own mom her such a hard time about this? Wasn't a mother's job to hug her and tell her everything would be okay? That she and Sasuke could come together and work it all out?

"You know, when you first left, I was scared out of my mind." Mebuki broke the silence. "My only daughter just gone without a trace. And then a day later you called me from Hokkaido telling me you were pregnant and planned to marry Sasuke."

Sakura hung her head in shame. She remembered the moment exactly - how hard it had been to sound excited when really she was terrified.

"All I wanted to do was go up there and drag you back kicking and screaming. But I knew it would have only driven you further away. Further into his arms. You were barely 20, but I knew I had to just…be there. Be there, and hope that if one day things got too much, you'd come home to me."

"And here I am…" Sakura threw up her hands. "28 years old, no money, no job, no husband."

As if sensing her pain, Mebuki reached over and pulled her daughter's face close with both hands. "What I'm trying to say is… you can't be scared, Sakura. You have a daughter to think about. You have to be there for her no matter what."

"I _am_ thinking about her," Sakura pulled away and flopped back down on the mattress to stare up at the ceiling again. "I'm thinking it means something to have a mother and a father in your life."

Mebuki was silent a while. "So do you think you suffered? Because Kizashi wasn't in your life? Because I never remarried?"

"That's not…that's not what I meant, mom." Sakura said, feeling guilty. "It was just…different. I want Sarada to feel like…to feel _whole_."

The silence settled in a while again before Mebuki put Sakura's phone back on the nightstand and gave her thigh a light squeeze. As much as it hurt her, Sakura could tell her mother understood.

"Tsunade used to come around asking about you, you know. You should see if she has any work at the hospital." Mebuki changed the subject.

Sakura felt a stinging sense of shame thinking about her old mentor. After years of study she'd taken off in the middle of her apprenticeship at the hospital without warning, and now she was supposed to beg her for a job eight years later?

"I couldn't." She shook her head rapidly. "I mean…there's literally no way."

"Well you'd better find a way," Mebuki countered. "Like I said, if you're going to stay here… you're certainly not going to lie up in bed all day. Not when you have so many people willing to help you."

Sakura let out a weak groan.

"Speaking of… your girlfriends are here to see you."

"Girlfriends?" Sakura shot up, confused. "I—

"Come on in, she's finally up!" Mebuki called out the door, and before Sakura could even make a move to straighten up her hair, a trio of familiar faces filled the doorway.

Ino led the pack, looking smug.

"Well, well, well. Sober now, are we?"

"Ino…" Sakura fought the urge to crawl back under the covers at the sight of the look of pity on the faces of Hinata and Tenten behind her. "Guys you really didn't have to…"

"Can it." Ino jumped in. "It's bad enough you kept us out of the loop for 8 fucking years. We're here now to help you with your exit strategy. Since I'm damn sure you've done fuck all thinking about it."

"Exit strategy?" Sakura scoffed. "Look – I know I was a bit dramatic at Gaara's…"

"—an understatement," Ino muttered over her shoulder to the other two.

"Ino, I'm not even sure I'm really leaving."

Ino gave Mebuki a shocked look, but the older woman just put up her hands and backed out of the room to tend to Sarada.

"But Sakura-chan…you said you and Sasuke-kun were divorcing." Hinata took a careful seat on the foot of the bed. "Has something changed?"

She looked a mix between hopeful and confused.

"It's a complicated situation." Sakura spoke with her eyes glued to the fuzzy pink carpet on her floor.

"What's complicated about it?" Ino frowned. "Look, if I know Sasuke, the reason you're here in the first place is because he can't keep his dick to himself. Right?"

Sakura was silent, but the shame was rising up inside her and she felt about to burst. "I'm telling you it's complicated! It's been a rough year for us both, and I'm sure there were things I could have done to help mediate the situation."

"Bull. Shit. For God's sake - how long are you going to let him make you look like a total idiot?" Ino grabbed Sakura by the chin, forcing her to make eye contact.

"Marriage is a partnership!" Sakura snapped. "But I wouldn't expect you to understand a fucking thing about that! You've always been jealous that I was the one who—

Before Sakura could even finish the statement, the words were slapped out of her mouth. Hinata gasped as the sharp sound filled the room, and Sakura's head cocked to the side. Tenten was quick to grab Ino's hand before she could wind up to deliver another blow.

"Don't fucking tell me I don't understand marriage! I understand marriage. And partnership. And trust. And friendship!" Ino's hand trembled as she spoke, and Sakura, still shocked, look up at the shimmering diamond band around her finger.

"Jealous?" Ino continued, shaking with rage. "I should thank God every day that you were the one he chose. But I'm not that terrible, Sakura. Even I know you deserve better."

"You're…you're married…" Sakura's eyes welled with tears. Everything was becoming real again. 8 years was a long time, and while she had wallowed in misery, everyone else had evolved.

"Married… a child…" Ino looked away to keep from reacting to the emotion on her old friend's face. "You miss everything when you turn your back and run away."

Sakura's shoulders began to shake, and as she spoke, she sobbed.

"I…I was so fucking embarrassed. I got pregnant – it wasn't planned… I didn't think you'd understand."

"So you got pregnant. So what? What did you think we'd say? We would have supported you," Tenten insisted. "You didn't have to go the way you did."

"It wasn't really my idea," Sakura admitted through tears.

"Well there's a surprise." Ino was again, bitter, but Sakura was glad when the blonde shifted herself onto the bed with Tenten and Hinata. Though they'd had their ups and downs, during their school days Ino had always been the first one to stick up for her when she needed it.

"Sasuke…he likes to present himself in a certain way. It was senior year of college. We weren't married, he was about to move into a new role at his family's company. He thought it would be best if we snuck away to get married and came back later. After a year, maybe."

"But you never came back." Hinata placed a gentle hand on Sakura's shoulder. "Why?"

Sakura dug her nails into the inside of her palms. She could remember the moment exactly. The moment he told her there was no going back to Tokyo, and her new home would be in Hokkaido. The moment she realized her dreams no longer mattered. "Plans changed," she whispered.

" _His_ plans changed, you mean," Ino corrected. "Come on, Sakura. You never wanted to be a stay at home mom. Or live in the fucking country. You had plans too."

Sakura forced her face into her palms in an attempt to keep from crying, but no matter what she did, the tears kept coming. This was what she hated. The vulnerable feeling. The pathetic, stifling sadness. With Sarada and a home to care for, there was no time to dwell in the past, but Tokyo had made everything real again.

"Mama?" Sarada appeared in the doorway clutching an iPad, looking worried. "Mama what's going on?"

"Sarada!" Sakura wiped her eyes quickly and crouched at her daughter's level, ready with a false smile and a hug.

"Why are you sad? What's going on?" Sarada's face was serious, and it was moments like those that Sakura could really see Sasuke in her. "Did papa call?"

Behind her, the women exchanged somber looks.

"Yes, he called." Sakura fibbed. "He called this morning and says he misses you a lot."

Sarada rolled her eyes and pushed herself into her mother's arms. "But when is he coming?" She whined. "He never comes…"

"I'm not sure." Sakura finally honed in on the iPad in Sarada's hands. "Where did you…is that from Gaara's house?"

"I took it by accident." Sarada said quickly. "We left so fast, remember?"

Sakura sighed and pulled the device from her daughter's little hands. "Shit."

"You're not supposed to say that," Sarada said, matter-of-factly.

"You're right. I'm not." Sakura ruffled her hair. "Alright, go play with grandma until it's time to go to the market. We'll take it back another time."

Sarada looked unsure at first, but when Mebuki called her name she came running.

"Gaara, Gaara, Gaara. So what _is_ the story with him anyway?" Tenten leaned in once Sarada was out of the room.

"There's no story." Sakura was quick with her response. Too quick.

Ino scoffed. "Well judging by how flirty you were with him last night I'm gonna say that's a fucking lie."

"And it's not what I've heard from Naruto-kun…" Hinata inserted gently, but upon seeing Sakura's dark look, rethought her approach. "I mean…he said you two became quite close in college."

"Well, we all had close male friends in college. It doesn't mean anything was going on." As she deflected, Sakura found herself tracing a finger over outline of the monogrammed 'G' on the iPad's leather case.

"Friends, not fuckbuddies." Ino gave her a gentle nudge in the ribs. "Come on already, spill."

"Inoooo!" Sakura could feel her cheeks heating up with blush.

" _Inoooo,_ what?" The blonde teased. "Did you fuck him or not? We won't judge."

"Fine. So maybe…maybe there was a little flirtation on my end," Sakura admitted. "But you know how it was with Sasuke then. I stayed over at Naruto's apartment a lot. They were roommates. Naturally, we talked."

"So _naturally,_ you slept with him. Is that what you're saying?" Tenten giggled. "Listen, I wouldn't blame you. I mean he's always had a certain weird… _pull_. And you're into those dark, brooding types, aren't you?"

"What? No, he's not… I mean…what I'm saying is..." Sakura squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to block the memories. "It wasn't like that."

"Then what _was_ it like?" Hinata leaned in, clearly as curious as the other two.

"He was kind to me." Sakura said simply. "He was kind, and he cared about what I had to say. That's all. He never had those kinds of dumb feelings. It was all just…"

She trailed off and the other girls fell silent. It was clear there was definitely something being left out, but none of them wanted to push it.

"So what's the plan?" Ino changed the subject. "What's next now that you're in Tokyo again?"

Without thinking, Sakura clutched the iPad to her chest as she spoke. "My mom seems to think I should get a job and start over here."

"That sounds like good advice," Hinata said, cheerful. "I'm sure you could get something again at the hospital."

"I don't know," Sakura sighed. "My license has lapsed and there's no way Tsunade's going to want to take me back after so long. And what if I can patch things up with Sasuke?"

"Sakura don't make me slap the shit out of you again," Ino snapped. "That man's been cheating on you since day one. Hell, let's be honest. After all these years it's a miracle you don't have—

"Ino!" Hinata interrupted sheepishly. "Sakura-chan is dealing with a lot. Maybe we shouldn't…"

"Give her tough love?" Ino snorted. "Yeah right. Listen Sakura, stop blaming yourself for his dysfunction. I don't know why, but you let Sasuke Uchiha turn the badass chick I used to know into some 'mom-bot' without a single independent thought in her head. The best thing you could do for yourself and for Sarada was to come here."

Sakura shifted on the bed so that her feet touched the floor. "Right. You're right."

"Of course I'm right." Ino gave her a playful smile. "I'm always right."

"It really is good you're here," Hinata said gently, in attempt to soften the blow. "You need to surround yourself with good people."

' _Good people…'_ Sakura remembered Gaara's words from the day before.

"Do any of you have Gaara's number?" She ignored the blonde and lifted the iPad again. "I should get this back to him."

"Oh good idea. And maybe ask him to give you some dick in return," Tenten said with a smirk. "He could probably bang some sense into you." She and Ino high fived each other, laughing like rowdy schoolchildren.

"Didn't I just tell you idiots it wasn't like that!" Sakura's cheeks burned red.

"Oh come on…" Ino ribbed. "We're only kidding. But really - look on the bright side of this, Sakura. Now that Sasuke's out of the picture, you're finally free to make up for lost time."

"You mean sleep around," Sakura frowned. "I have a daughter, Ino. The last thing I should be doing is bringing strange men in and out of her life."

"Of course not! But who said anything about bringing them into her life?" The blonde smirked. "Back in college you were too busy worrying about Sasuke when you should have been worrying about getting laid. You're practically a free woman now, so it's your time to do you. Go on dates, go back to their place, one night stands…whatever. Sarada doesn't have to know."

"Jesus Ino… I haven't even signed the papers…" Sakura was exasperated at the sudden line of conversation. If she was honest, the thought of dating again as a single mother terrified her.

"I did say _practically,_ " Ino shrugged.

With a shake of her head, Hintata pulled out her cell phone.

"Don't let them drive you crazy, Sakura. I don't have Gaara's number, but Temari's. I'm sure she'd be happy to connect you two." The dark-haired woman said gently. "We'll let you get on with it, but remember to stay in touch, Sakura-chan."

Sakura quickly entered the number into her phone and then looked back up to Hinata as she placed a hand on her thigh.

"Boruto would love to have another little friend to play with, I'm sure. And Himawari once she gets older."

"My little Inojin too!" Ino stopped laughing long enough to chime in. "Sai's teaching him too much creepy garbage at home. He needs more friends."

"I'm sure Sarada would love that." Sakura nodded.

"And we can go out and do something girly. Just the three of us," Tenten added. "Like old times."

"Sure." Sakura nodded, trying hard not to burst into tears again. "Of course."

"Take care," Hinata leaned in for a hug and the other two followed. As soon as they released and the warmth was gone, Sakura felt a longing she hadn't experienced in years. She'd gotten so used to solitude. So used to Sarada being her only 'friend.'

"Just make sure you do something with your hair before you see him today." Ino frowned on the way out. "It looks like a fucking rat's nest."

Sakura stuck her tongue out at Ino the way she used to when she was a kid, and dialed Temari's number as soon as the door shut behind them. The phone only rang once before there was an answer.

"Yo, it's Temari," the blonde said, casually.

"Hey Temari… it's Sakura."

"Sakura?" Temari sat up straight at her desk. "It's great to hear from you. How's everything?"

"Definitely far less boozy." Sakura tried to break the tension with a joke, and was glad when she heard a snort of laughter from Temari. "I wanted to thank you for helping me the other night. For your hospitality and…and I'm _so_ sorry about—

"—don't even worry about it." Temari interrupted. "I can't even count the number of times I've embarrassed myself at a party. Besides, it was so good to see you after so long. Gaara seemed really happy about it."

Temari smiled, put her legs up on her desk, and leaned back in her chair. From across the room, Shikamaru looked up from his paperwork and watched his wife with slight fascination. If meddling was an Olympic sport, she'd bring home the gold every time.

Sakura suddenly felt her heart begin to thud hard in her chest. "Yes. Well…about Gaara. Would it be all right if I got his number?"

"Gaara's number?" Temari was pleasantly amused by the forwardness, and couldn't help but press for more info. "What's that for?"

"It's for Sarada!" She blurted. "I mean…Sarada took something from his house. I should return it to him. Or now that I think of it, maybe it's best that I give it to you or Kankuro?"

"Oh no-no, I can't. I don't go over there very often," Temari lied. "And neither does Kankuro, really. You should definitely give it to him in person. Definitely."

Across the room, Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"Well…I wouldn't just want to show up—

"—nonsense! Come to think of it, he plays squash with Naruto every Thursday at a local school. You could pop by the gym tonight and drop it off."

Sakura paled. For some reason, the thought of Gaara sweaty and playing sports did something to her stomach she didn't like. "I don't know. Maybe I should wait until you're able to go over there…"

"No, definitely go tonight. There's probably something in there he needs for work," she pressed.

"Well, okay," Sakura said without an ounce of confidence. "What's the address?"

"2-11-4, Minami-azabu, Minato-ku. Naruto teaches there. You should be able to just walk around the side to the outdoor courts."

"Naruto? Teaches?" Sakura laughed in shock. "That lazy guy? People trust him with children?"

"Hey, things change." Temari snickered. There was a pause. "With you too, they can change."

Sakura's smile faded. "Sorry?"

"Nothing," Temari smiled to herself. "I'll see you around, Sakura."

"Yeah." Sakura said just as Temari disconnected the call. "See you."

"Your meddling truly knows no bounds," Shikamaru said as his wife hung up the phone.

"Me? Meddle?" Temari put on a look of faux-shock. "Never."

"What are you trying to do there anyway? Isn't Gaara seeing someone?" Shikamaru folded his arms across his chest.

"He's been _seeing_ Shijima for ages now. And if I know Gaara, the only reason he wouldn't commit and settle down is if his heart wasn't in it."

"Must be troublesome for Shijima…"Shikamaru added.

Temari thought of the beautiful young woman she'd met on several occasions at Gaara's work events. Though a bit possessive, Shijima always seemed so smitten with her little brother. Temari knew Shikamaru had no skin in the game either way, but her husband always liked the state the facts of a situation plainly. It was irritatingly useful.

"Yeah," she said softly. "Troublesome."

* * *

 **xxXoXxx**

The moment Gaara walked into the office, time passed slowly. Everything had settled back into its normal routine, but still he felt odd. He hadn't heard anything about Sakura since she'd returned home, and strangely enough, not even Temari mentioned it. Gaara told himself he needed the rigor of work to take his mind off Sakura, and yet it was more than three quarters through the work day and there he was, dwelling on her again.

As if sensing his change in mood, Yukata, his secretary, popped into the office for a bit of conversation.

"Sorry I missed you this morning. I was running some errands. How was London?" She smiled brightly before placing a glass of cool green tea on his desk.

Gaara gave a grateful smile before responding. "That's okay, Yukata. The account went well. Rasa said—

"I meant the _city_ , Gaara-sama." Yukata interrupted with a giggle. "How did you find it?"

"Oh. Right," Gaara mumbled. "I was working quite a bit. Not much time to explore."

"Oh Gaara-sama…" Yukata clicked her tongue with disapproval.

"You know I really wish you wouldn't do that, Yukata." Gaara opened up his laptop. "It's just Gaara. Really."

"Sure Gaara-sama!" Yukata shrugged and handed him a stack of letters. "Here's your mail."

"Thanks." He leafed through a stack of old memos and then stopped on a flyer from 'Suriya,' one of the most popular curry houses in Tokyo. "How's Matsuri doing these days?"

"Business is great! She always asks when you'll come by. It's always free lunch and dinner for you, you know."

Gaara smiled to himself. Ever since Matsuri's father passed away and left her the restaurant while she was a freshman in college, Gaara had done the favor of helping out with marketing and accounts.

"When I have time," he deflected. "Tell her I'm proud of her hard work. Let me know if she needs anything from me during the expansion."

Gaara was just about to take a sip of tea when Kankuro popped his head into the office.

Instead of giving a proper greeting, he threw a wink Yukata's way before starting to peel an orange and tossing the rind on Gaara's desk.

"Damn. She gets hotter every day, doesn't she?" He said in a low voice, gesturing to Yukata as she swayed out of the office with a smile.

"She's too young for you," Gaara muttered. "And not to mention too sensible."

"Well, I do love a challenge."

"Keep your hands to yourself." Gaara warned. "I don't have the budget for another secretary."

"Oh please. You have the budget to hire a harem of secretaries." Kankuro rolled his eyes. "But enough about my work fantasies… How's it going with our favourite pink lady?"

"Who?" Gaara looked down to his laptop and pretended not to know who his brother was referring to.

"Pink hair, small tits, little kid…. Sakura. You know I'm talking about Sakura, you douchebag." Kankuro ate a segment of orange and then tried to spit the seed into Gaara's trash can. Instead, it made an arch across the table and plopped straight into the bottom of Gaara's glass.

Gaara resisted the urge to fling the liquid in his brother's face. "I haven't spoken to her since yesterday. I assume she's safe and sound with her mother."

"Maybe you should give her a call or something." Kankuro shrugged. "Check in on her."

Gaara gave his older brother a long, suspicious look. "Since when do you suggest I do anything even remotely kind for anyone?"

"Hey, I'm looking out for your sexual health here, little brother. You and Shijima are apparently done and Sakura's getting a divorce. Divorced women are always desperate for dick. Especially divorced single moms."

Gaara felt his face get hot with anger, but instead he put his head in his hands. "Just when I thought you couldn't get any more crude."

Kankuro shrugged. "So are you gonna do it or what?"

" _Or wha_ t," he bit back.

Kankuro rounded the desk to peer over Gaara's shoulder at his laptop screen. With any other guy who had an office of his own, he would have expected porn, but Gaara didn't have anything up but emails and spreadsheets. But then again, Gaara wasn't just any other guy.

They barely grew up together as children, and while he and Temari enjoyed the luxuries that their father's wealth afforded them, Gaara went out of his way to avoid it. It was only over the last few years that things had changed. As soon as Gaara graduated from college Rasa did a 180, giving him control over both the Japan and London arms of their management consultancy agency, the redhead had been nothing but perfect. He travelled often, treated himself to only a small but functional wardrobe, and never spent more than was necessary. While Kankuro and Temari were more lax with their personal lives and careers, Gaara was rigid. To Kankuro's knowledge there were never any illicit indulgences. Nothing to blow off steam- no strip clubs, no paid sex, no drugs. Kankuro didn't know how he managed.

"Are you ever going to get real with me about what happened with Shijima?" Kankuro tried. He'd never been particularly invested in the high powered female analyst, but she brought some normalcy to Gaara's life. They went out, he took her to events, he assumed they had sex. Seeing them together made him feel…less guilty. Less worried about his little brother.

Gaara closed his laptop and checked the clock. He had a standing squash date with Naruto at 6:30. It was the only day of the week he left the office on time, and he was suddenly thankful for an excuse to escape his older brother's arrogant line of questioning.

"She was looking for a larger commitment than I had time for," he said and began to pack his things.

"That doesn't sound like you." Kankuro tutted. "At least not when it comes to women."

' _What do you know about me?'_ He wanted to say, but instead let silence settle between them.

"Dad worries about you, you know." Kankuro said suddenly. Gaara couldn't help but scoff.

"The only thing Rasa worries about is his money."

"No, I'm serious." Kankuro took a seat on the edge of Gaara's desk. The redhead was troubled by the look of concern on the usually flippant man's face.

"Temari's married with a kid and he knows I love playing the field, but you…"

"Me?" Gaara raised a brow.

"We both know you're not like me, Gaara. You mate for life." Kankuro smirked. "I see you with Shikadai sometimes. You probably want a million kids…Marriage…house…the whole thing."

Gaara frowned. "Is that a crime? To want a family?"

"No. But if that's what you really want, then what happened with Shijima?" Kankuro pressed again. "She was ready to have your babies the moment you met."

"She wasn't right for me." Gaara was again, succinct.

"And Sakura is?"

The redhead shot a glare at his brother. "Don't go there with me. I _never_ mentioned her."

"Oh come on, I saw the way you guys were looking at each other the other night." Kankuro finished his last piece of orange. "Everyone did."

Shaking his head, Gaara closed his eyes and was overtaken with the memory of Sakura's pink lips pressed up against the edge of a glass of champagne. Of her tongue poking out under her teeth as she grinned.

' _I remember when you used to love to drink with me…'_

She still sounded the same. Sweet and chipper, but with a familiar warm huskiness that cropped up when she drank a little too much. And when she drank a little too much…

' _You taste like cigarettes...'_

Gaara shook his head to clear the old memory.

"You're getting increasingly frustrating." Gaara stood up suddenly. "Almost as bad as Temari."

"Hey, now that's mean!" Kankuro laughed, and Gaara was glad to see the seriousness gone from his face.

"I don't want anything to do with Sakura in that capacity. She's obviously going through a tough time in her life. I'm just doing what I can to help. That's all."

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. I should probably do my bit too, really. It's probably really lonely out here all by herself." Kankuro wriggled his brows at his little brother. "I'm sure she'd love some company now and then."

Gaara felt himself grow hot at the thought of his brother even touching Sakura.

"Get the hell out." He snapped, and Kankuro didn't have to be told twice.

As if on cue, Gaara's desk phone rang and he was quick to pick up the call.

"Gaara speaking."

"We still on for tonight?" Naruto's cheerful tone was a welcome reprieve. "Some of these little brats are driving me crazy."

Gaara sighed in relief. "Of course. I'm definitely in the mood to hit something."

 **xxXoXxx**

* * *

As soon as she arrived at the international school's squash courts, Sakura spotted Gaara immediately. He stood out like a sore thumb - so serious compared to Naruto's overly happy demeanour. While the blonde smiled and whooped with every serve, Gaara made little noise and remained doggedly focused. Every move was precise – no wasted energy. His body, toned and tall – long and lean— looked perfect as he made each hit. With every swing of the racket she could see his muscles flex, straining against the thin white of his shirt. His red hair was dark with sweat, and sticking stark to his pale cheeks.

' _He could probably bang some sense into you…'_

Sakura blushed, thinking of Tenten's crude commentary.

She stood there with his iPad in her purse, staring dumbly through the glass walls. _Calm the fuck down,_ she scolded herself. _It's just Gaara. He's one of your oldest friends._

The ball hit the wall near her face, and Sakura jumped back, startled out of her daze. At that moment, Gaara turned back to serve it off the bounce and saw her. Shocked, he lowered the racket and immediately tripped up on himself.

"Hey - head's up!" Naruto cried out.

The ball came around again lightning fast, and Sakura was barely able to screech out a "duck!" before it smacked hard into the side of Gaara's face.

"Jesus!" Sakura covered her mouth with both hands.

Gaara staggered down to his knees and operating on pure instinct, Sakura flung her bag to the side and rushed in. Before Naruto could get there, she dropped down beside the redhead and pulled his face up towards hers with both hands.

"Gaara!"

As soon as Gaara felt the small ball collide with his cheek, he saw stars and felt a white hot pain surge from his cheek all the way through his jaw. But then there was warmth. Warmth and the rich, feminine scent of Chanel no. 5.

Gaara could feel the blood rushing fast to his head, and his heart beating hard against his chest. "Sakura…." He looked up through one eye and saw her, pink hair up in a high ponytail, eyes a bright and worried green – staring down at him. She cradled her face in her hands.

"I'm so sorry Gaara!" She cried. "I didn't mean to distract you two…"

"Don't. No more. I should have been wearing goggles." He winced.

"Oh Gaara…" Sakura sighed softly and pulled him down closer, into her lap. "Hold on. This is going to pinch." Gaara found himself holding his breath as she prodded gently against his cheek with her thumbs. Though it hurt more than anything, he was drawn into the childish romanticism of being so close to her again – close enough to hear her breath and count each of the little freckles on her neck.

"Is he gonna be blind, Sakura-chan?!" Naruto jumped in, frantic. "Rasa's gonna kill me!" Sakura couldn't help but laugh at the blonde's familiar hysterics.

"Don't be so dramatic, Naruto. He'll be fine."

She looked back to Gaara and pulled down and up on his eyelid to check for any damage or foreign bodies. "Luckily it just missed your eye. You'll have a good bruise, but it doesn't feel like anything's broken. Maybe go to the hospital for an x-ray if you want to be sure." Without thinking, she stroked the damp hair out of his eyes.

"No. I trust you," Gaara said with such conviction that Sakura couldn't control her blush.

Behind them, Naruto breathed a sigh and smiled to himself. Watching them together was like being back in college again. Coming home late from soccer practice or a date with Hinata to find Gaara and Sakura up at the dinner table, eating takeout curry from Suriya and pretending not to sneak longing gazes over their bowls. The way they fell back into the shy and gentle flirtation was almost hilarious. And yet, it reminded him of Sasuke. Of a man he'd loved like a brother, a man so sad and broken he felt he had no choice but to break someone else.

 **xxXoXxx**

* * *

 _As soon as Sasuke staggered into the stairwell, Naruto rushed down to confront him. The Uchiha smelled faintly of alcohol, and Naruto could see bruising around his neck where no doubt some bargirl had had her fun._

" _Is she in there again?" Sasuke gestured to the apartment with disgust, where they both could see the shadow of a redheaded man leaning over the balcony. Naruto turned back to face his old friend._

" _Of course she's in there." He glanced up again and Gaara's figure was gone. "_ _ **Again.**_ _Worried out of her fucking mind about you."_

" _She's always so fucking dramatic."_

" _She loves you, you asshole. How can you keep treating her like this?"_

" _It's not my fault she wants a guy like me," Sasuke smirked, wavering slightly under the drag of alcohol. "She thinks she can fix me? Let her try."_

" _You have to be better," Naruto pleaded. "Do better. For her sake. Or else…or else..."_

" _I don't have to do a goddamn thing!" Sasuke pulled on the front of Naruto's shirt with both hands. "And if you fuck this up for me I swear to God I'll end you."_

" _Sasuke—_

" _I deserve something good,"_ he said, and then pressed his face into his old friend's shoulder. Naruto closed his eyes, unable to ignore the feel of wetness where his eyes touched the collar. _"I deserve something pure. So please. Please."_

* * *

 **xxXoXxx**

* * *

"What brought you by here anyway?" Naruto smiled to cover the impact of the dark memory. "How'd you know we were playing?"

"Temari told me," Sakura quickly continued when she saw the confusion on Gaara's face. "Sarada took your iPad by mistake. I came to return it since she said it was important for work."

"Work?" Gaara made a puzzled face. "I have one at the office I use. That's just a spare."

"Oh." Sakura looked toward the floor where she'd carelessly tossed her bag. "I hope I didn't break it…"

"Don't worry," Gaara insisted. "I appreciate you taking the time to return it, regardless."

Sitting there with his head in her lap, Sakura suddenly became aware of how intimate their positioning felt. It reminded her of early days in her marriage with Sasuke, and how sometimes after drinking a little too much, he'd lie down and let her stroke his hair by the fireplace. It was one of the rare moments he was vulnerable with her.

"Maybe you should try and stand?" She suggested. Gaara blinked his non-sore eye and nodded.

She helped him up with one hand, and Gaara steadied himself against the wall. Once they were both on their feet, Sakura noticed a box of cigarettes peeking out from the side of his gym bag nearby.

"Oh - you still smoke?" Sakura gestured to it with a wry smile. Some of her best moments were spent chatting with Gaara on his balcony while he chain-smoked. When they were younger she'd always nagged him about quitting, but there was something about the harsh scent that was comforting on nights when Sasuke was away.

Gaara nudged it back under a pair of shorts with his shoe.

"I quit, actually. A few years back," he tried to make the excuse. "It's just when things are a little stressful I…"

"I understand." Sakura smiled warmly. "I'm the same with food. Whenever things are too much, I binge like crazy."

Gaara nodded, but eyeing Sakura's slightly too-thin frame he couldn't ever imagine her overeating.

"So what's stressing you out?" She pressed.

' _You.'_ He thought, but instead was intentionally vague. "Just work. The usual. Lots of new business."

"I can imagine." Sakura smiled gently. "You've become a very important person, it seems."

"Don't inflate my ego too much," he smiled, and then winced. Sakura turned and felt his cheek again with both hands.

"Careful," she sighed in relief when she felt no new issues. "You know…my mother says I should go back to work at the hospital. The girls, too."

"It's a good idea." Gaara nodded. "You clearly still have it in you."

Sakura, realizing her hands were still on Gaara's face, pulled them away fast. "You really think it's worth it?"

"I think it would be a shame if you let your talents go to waste." Gaara gave a quick glance down at her fingertips, suddenly missing their warmth. "And I'm sure Sarada would love to see her mother excelling at something she loves."

"You really haven't changed a bit," Sakura grinned. "Always something positive to say to me."

"Neither have you." Gaara opened his quickly bruising eye to look at her properly. "You still have so much light in you."

There was a tense silence, and before Sakura could respond to the comment, Naruto came bounding back with his gym bag.

"Baaaaack! I'm starving - let's go grab dinner. Sakura, you should come with!"

"No," Gaara said quickly. Sakura looked to him with confusion, and when he saw the hurt there, immediately regretted his hasty response.

"I mean…I'm sure you have other things to do, don't you? With Sarada and…" he trailed off. To the side, Naruto gave him an incredulous look.

"Right." Sakura nodded, but Naruto could see she was troubled. "He's right. I should get back home where I belong," she joked.

Before either man could make a reproach, she grabbed her purse and rushed off, leaving Gaara feeling ashamed.

"What the actual fuck was that?" Naruto hit Gaara in the back with the side of his racket.

"Hey!" Gaara just barely darted out of the way of another whack.

"I thought you of all people would have wanted her to come along."

"She's going through a tough process. I think it's best if we don't spend so much time together. I'm sure the last thing she wants is to complicate things with…"

"Feelings?" Naruto smirked.

"Unnecessary nostalgia," Gaara corrected.

"Oh come on, don't act like there's nothing there. It's been 8 years and it's obvious you still care about her. Everyone saw it at the party, and I know it's the only reason you would have brought her back with you. If you didn't care, you would have just left her—

"Naruto, enough," Gaara was firm. "We're not hormonal teenagers anymore. Sakura has a child to think about, she's married—

"She's getting a divorce." Naruto was firm. "And he _never_ loved her the way he should have. You know that. You know that better than anyone."

Though Gaara started putting together his gym bag instead of responding, Naruto refused to ease up.

"Dude, we were roommates. I saw things. You told me things. I know you haven't forgotten her. You even kept that ugly-ass cactus she gave you alive for 8 years…"

Gaara stopped suddenly, thinking of Sarada's wide-eyed expression at the large potted plant he kept in his apartment. He didn't know why he felt so angry about the constant prodding about Sakura, or why just looking at Sarada made his chest ache, but something in him knew it wasn't fair. It wasn't how things were supposed to be.

"If I cared for her so much, I would have done something to make her stay," he finally said. "I wouldn't have left her to fend for herself with him."

"Gaara…come on. You can't blame yourself for that." Naruto's voice was surprisingly gentle. "No one knew she was going to just take off. If any of us had even suspected…we would have stopped her."

Gaara refused to look at Naruto head on. As skillful as he was at keeping a poker face during deals at work, there was no way he could maintain it with his longtime friend. He knew if he looked up at Naruto then, everything between them would change.

"Gaara?" Naruto pressed.

"It's been 8 years." Gaara snatched up his bag from the floor, and beside it, the iPad on the ground. "The least I can do is take care of a damn plant. The very least."

* * *

 **AN:** :') :') :')


	4. Can't Stop

**Chapter 4: Can't Stop**

 _ **(Updated September 16th, 2018)**_

 **AN:** You guys are amazing and your reviews warm my soul! I've gotten some feedback saying the characters are quite OOC and they don't like the AU and I can understand. When I first started writing fanfiction I always kept it to the canon scenarios and universes, but years later I find that personally it gets a bit boring, and I like being more creative with my writing and different character scenarios (especially if I wasn't a fan of the way the original anime/manga turned out). I fully understand, however, that it's not everyone's cup of tea. When I was younger I hated AU fiction and never read them.

I can only hope that most are sticking in and enjoying things, and maybe I can work to change the minds of anyone on the fence. And I'm definitely going to try to be more conscious of the OOC-ness. I think Gaara in particular is a bit hard to write for me because even in the Naruto-verse, you don't really get too much insight into his personality in relation to other people, but I think that just because he can be a bit stoic, doesn't mean he's not kind, or doesn't go through the same sort of internal conflicts that we all do from time to time. People are complex, and I want to reflect that as best I can in this story.

Anyway, enough rambling. I hope you enjoy! Oh, and a bit of a warning... Some brief girly potty mouths in this chapter!

* * *

"Are you really sure this is okay, Ino?" Sakura chewed her lip as she stood with Sarada in the doorway, holding onto her little shoulders for dear life. She didn't actually want reassurance, but instead an excuse to take her daughter and put any notion of visiting Tsunade to the side. In front of them, Ino waited expectantly for her to let go.

"It's more than okay!" She reached forward and attempted to pry one of Sakura's hands free. "Like I said, Inojin needs more little playmates, and I have the day off anyway."

Inojin stood beside his mother, staring blankly at Sarada. Once Ino pushed Sakura back and forced her to give up her hold on Sarada, she was able to get a better look at the child. She couldn't believe just how much the little boy mirrored Sai, even with Ino's light hair and crystal blue eyes. The men in their lives certainly had strong genes…

"She's your daughter?" Inojin spoke up suddenly. Sakura looked down at the little blonde boy with a gentle smile.

"Yes, this is my Sarada. She's really excited to play with you today, Inojin!"

Sarada gave a shy smile of her own, but Inojin continued to stare her down.

"She doesn't look anything like you," he said boldly, and then shifted his gaze back to Sakura. "Did you have a surrogate?"

"A-ah…" Sakura stammered, clearly taken aback. Ino flushed red.

"Mama what's a surrogate?" Sarada frowned.

"Oh my…" Sakura ruffled Inojin's hair with a strained smile, resisting the urge to give him a noogie of epic proportions. "What a… blunt little boy you have."

"Believe me, I know," Ino laughed, but gave her son a warning look. "Just like his father."

Sarada looked skeptically at the blonde boy in front of her. "I look more like my dad," she said proudly.

"I wish I looked more like my dad. He says blonde hair is a curse." Inojin smirked, and then narrowly dodged a slap to the head from his mother.

"Wanna go paint?" He changed the subject abruptly, earning a wide grin from Sarada. Sakura was surprised by the way she took to him – back in Hokkaido she'd always struggled to make friends.

She looked back at her mother for approval, and Sakura, stifling a laugh, gave a small nod.

"He really does look like Sai," Sakura watched the two run off to the back of the house with a smirk. "Sounds like him, too."

"Like I said… I know." Ino rolled her eyes, but then noticed Sakura still holding Sarada's backpack, and the way her fingers worked nervously at the straps, tightening and loosening.

"Hey," Ino took the bag from her friend's hand. "Listen. It'll be okay. Just be confident and say what's on your mind. Everyone knows Tsunade's been short staffed in the clinic lately. There's no way she could turn you down."

"Right. Right." Sakura took a deep breath. "I just… I keep worrying. Is it really the right thing for me to go back to work, anyway? Sarada's—

"—Sarada will be just fine," Ino said sternly. "Your mom worked when you were a kid, and so did mine. We didn't turn out too horribly did we?"

There was a pause, and they both chuckled.

"Don't answer that." Ino turned Sakura around. "Now go. Go on, and let me know how it goes when you get back."

Though Sakura put on a false smile as Ino ushered her out the door, she felt sick inside. 'Just be confident,' Ino had said, but Sakura had completely forgotten what that meant. As she hurriedly made her way to catch the bus into town, it felt like her stomach had tied itself into knots.

* * *

 **xxxOOOOxxx**

"...and so it's important that we use this opportunity to draw in new business."

Gaara looked across the table to where his father was tapping his fingers impatiently on the table. Shijima sat on his right, looking poised, but concerned. Her long, dark hair was parted to the side, and hung loose over one shoulder, not a strand out of place. Perfectly shiny, like a silk black curtain.

He remembered when he first met her – she'd been brought in by Rasa on contract work for on an overseas project. Gaara never usually paid much attention to the women in his office, but everything about Shijima commanded it. She was tall – at least 5'11', and made no apologies for it. While other women might have shrunk back in and relegated themselves to flats, she wore her highest heels at all times, even around her shortest male clients.

She was gorgeous, and she knew it.

He'd gone over her resume the same night, and been pleasantly surprised by the level of qualifications there. Top of her class at Tokyo University, and a recent MBA from Harvard. Almost a full page of awards for financial service and business analysis. It wasn't until he'd googled her that he'd found everything else. Pride of her hometown, Miss Hokkaido three years running.

 _'Hokkaido…'_

The city name had first made him feel queasy, but then excited.

" _Did you ever meet anyone named Sakura Haruno?"_ he'd wanted to ask her right away, but the silly question never came. Instead, he asked about the temperatures - the city, the people, and what kinds of things there were to do for a woman her age. _Did they have kendo clubs? A big hospital with a busy trauma centre?_

Shijima had happily taken it as an interest in her background and personality, but everything Gaara wanted to know was tied up in Sakura. He wanted to be able to picture her thriving somewhere warm and beautiful, instead of the other countless other dark scenarios he would sometimes struggle with at night.

"Right." Gaara tried to sound firm, although he was sure he'd missed at least half the conversation.

"You and Shijima need to present a united front for the company. Go together and schmooze as best as you can. And be proud of your accomplishments," Rasa made eye contact with his son, who looked away quickly.

"Of course, sir." Shijima nodded.

Rasa stood, and they both followed suit. Shijima bowed, and then Gaara, albeit reluctantly. As soon as his father left, Shijima was quick to zero in on him.

"Well, you certainly seemed elsewhere." She nudged his shoulder with her elbow. "Did that squash ball really hit you that hard?"

Gaara folded his laptop shut as she gestured to his eye. "I just hate these things. Awards dinners. The forced socialization...the networking…"

"You're telling me," she smiled. "But you think you have it bad? I'm the one usually relegated to talking to the wives about their latest Prada bag."

At the sight of her smile, Gaara remembered why it had been so easy to fall into her. She was perfectly acceptable in every way. From work to humour. It wasn't long before they started going out on business lunches together, which at her insistence turned into business dinners. Then, the business pretence had dropped all together. She was matter of fact that way. Never a word minced. Every moment an opportunity for advancement.

The first time they'd slept together, she'd brought him home under the guise of needing plant care tips. When he turned from inspecting the petals on a parched and dying hydrangea, she'd been standing in the bathroom doorway, wearing something far too skimpy to call lingerie.

He was 23 and mildly terrified. She, 27 and highly amused.

" _You should take your pants off now,"_ she'd teased.

His first time turned into a second time and then there were too many others that followed to even remember. Gaara had always imagined that being with a woman would change him – bring a certain lightness in his chest and spring in his step, but everything from then on felt surprisingly dull. Every week he scheduled their dinner dates in his work calendar and bought her gifts she hinted at from Tiffany's, Shiseido, or La Mer. While sometimes cold, Shijima was kind and competent and knew exactly what she wanted out of life.

" _We should be exclusive,"_ she said one day after they'd untangled themselves from each other in her bed. _"I see myself married, with children. Sometime soon. I'd like that with you. Is that what you want, too?"_

He knew he should say yes, and so he did.

Being with Shijima meant fewer decisions to make. Gaara could float away on the momentum of her desire, and possibly into something great. Something expected. He was getting older, and watched his friends and family settling down. Soon his sister was 8 months pregnant, and it seemed like only yesterday Naruto and Hinata had tied the knot. In the end, it wasn't a lie. He did want it. A wife and a child would make him happy, surely.

After his mother, Rasa had never remarried and never seemed interested. But he also seemed miserable. A wife and child would separate him from Rasa. Would prove him wrong. Would show him he was capable of nurturing something other than plants and business relationships.

And yet, there was a pressure inside him, and he didn't know when it would let up. A sadness that told Gaara something was missing. Something important.

He wondered if Sakura felt it too. Was she okay? Was she alone? Was she happy? Did she hate him? Did she think about him at all?

"Gaara?" Shijima placed a hand on the redhead's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Gaara looked up from the spot he'd been unknowingly staring at on the table. Shijima waited expectantly for his answer.

He knew he should say yes, and so he did.

* * *

Though her hair was shorter now, and her face a bit more wrinkled with age, Sakura recognised Shizune instantly. She had the same motherly mannerisms and overexcited grin. Just being close reminded Sakura of how whenever Tsunade was in one of her more…acerbic moods, she'd let her hide in the break room and cuddle with Tonton, her pet therapy pig.

"No way, no way, no way!" As soon as Shizune looked up from her lunch, she nearly jumped across the table to greet Sakura. Behind her desk, a full grown mini potbellied pig squealed happily in its cage.

"I can't believe this. Look how grown up you are!" Shizune put her hands on her hips and took a step back to admire Tsunade's former protégé.

"Oh God, don't remind me." Sakura batted her away, but her hands shook with adrenaline. "Is Tsunade in?"

"Yeah, she's just on a quick lunch break," Shizune made drinking motion with her hand and winked. "Go ahead in, I'm sure she'd get a kick out of seeing you."

Sakura swallowed hard. Somehow, she imagined _she'd_ be one getting a kick.

"Thanks." Not wanting to risk getting turned away at the knock, Sakura took a deep breath before turning the knob and entering.

The office had gone through serious renovations. Gone was the stuffy old 80s décor that Tsunade's predecessor had loved, and in its place a modern blue and white scheme with high windows and minimalist furniture. Sakura barely recognized it. Her mentor, however, had remained timeless. Even after almost nine years the blonde still managed to look as youthful as ever. Sakura touched her face, cringing at the thought of the bags and budding crow's feet under her eyes. Whatever Tsunade was doing, she really needed to follow suit.

"Well, well well..." She tapped her fingers against her chin. "Sakura Haruno. Did you con Shizune to let you in here?"

"Tsunade-sama." Sakura gave a deep bow, but bristled slightly when she heard the blonde scoff.

"Oh please. What's the use of politeness now?" Tsunade kicked out the chair on the opposite side of her desk and gestured for Sakura to sit.

"Thanks," she said awkwardly. "You know I really like what you've done with the—

"Give it a rest, Sakura. I told you, don't bother with pleasantries. You know I'm a busy woman, so what do you want?"

Sakura sighed out. What did she want? Why was she there? Her mother had encouraged her, her friends had encouraged her, Gaara had encouraged her, but she still felt so unsure.

"I've decided to relocate back to Tokyo for a while." She gave a nervous smile.

"Is that so?" Tsunade pulled a glass from her drawer and placed it in front of her on the table. Sakura knew this ritual well. Whenever she used to come into the office for a chat and Tsunade wanted to make a point that she didn't have time to waste, the blonde wouldn't hesitate to pour herself a stiff drink.

"Yes well…things with my marriage are quite strained and I thought it would be a good choice to move along."

"You don't say?" Tsunade looked uninterested.

"I have a child now. A little girl." Sakura rooted around in her purse for a moment until she found her wallet, and the small class photo of Sarada tucked into a plastic fold. She extended it towards Tsunade. "Sarada."

The blonde took it reluctantly. "That's Sasuke's kid all right," she said stiffly, before handing it back. Sakura hung her head.

"She's really important to me, Tsunade-sama. And what I'm trying to say is…" Sakura fidgeted. "I need a job. I need…my old job."

Tsunade chuckled to herself. "Do you know what year it is, Sakura?"

"Tsunade, I—

"I mean, do you even have an up to date license anymore?" Tsunade filled her glass with sake, watching with pleasure as Sakura's cheeks burned red.

"I can do basic clinic work. Or even just reception! Just… I need the money. If I want to support Sarada by myself, I…"

"If money is what you need, get a divorce and then chase alimony and child support from your moneybags husband. I'm sure he can afford it."

Sakura stared at her mentor, dumbfounded. For a moment, Tsunade looked as if she might apologize, but then just shook her head.

"Sakura I'm sorry this happened to you. Truly. But I don't have time to waste on little girls who want to play at being doctor," she said firmly. "8 years ago, you were brilliant. You had potential, and you threw that away to run after some pretty boy."

"I didn't—you…you don't under—

"Listen. I'm sure you're a wonderful mother, Sakura. You always had a way with children." Tsunade filled another glass with sake and pushed it towards her old trainee.

Sakura stared at the glass for a long moment, suddenly feeling the urge to down it one shot. She wanted to cry, but the embarrassment was already too much.

"Thanks. Thanks for your time, Tsunade-sama." Sakura turned on her heel and shuffled quickly into the reception area. Shizune called out for her to wait, but Sakura knew she had to keep going or else she'd surely burst into a puddle of tears.

' _Goddamnit, control yourself!'_ Sakura scolded her inner child, but it was too late. She tasted the salty trails on her lips, and felt them running down her chin.

Across the road from the hospital she spotted a children's playground, but with no kids in sight. Sakura suspected it was too muggy out, even for them.

Sakura sat on one of the swings nearest to shade and kicked at the sand. 8 years felt like a lifetime ago, but Tsunade wasn't wrong. When she first met Sasuke, it was all about looks. Every girl in her grade wanted him, and she'd chased him from the age of 6 to 16. Being smart wasn't enough. Top marks never got her anywhere but being bullied under the bleachers at school. But if she had him… she would have everything.

At 15, he lost his parents in a house fire and all of a sudden it was as if everything had changed. While Sasuke had always been a bit stoic, those feelings quickly morphed into a bitterness that engulfed everything around him. But after losing her father, finally Sakura felt she they could bond. When his grades fell, she tutored him, and they commiserated through grief. But while Sakura was able to move past her loss with love from her mother, Sasuke always seemed stuck.

"Sakura? Sakura Haruno, is that you?"

A playful voice sounded from behind and Sakura pushed her face into her hands with a sigh. She was beginning to dread meeting people from her past. At least in Hokkaido, no one gave a shit who she was. She turned around with a withering look, but ended up being pleasantly surprised.

"Kakashi-sensei…" Sakura looked up in shock at the sight of her former homeroom teacher. He had clearly taken whatever magic elixir Tsunade was sipping on, because his silvery hair and mask covered face looked just as she'd remembered. The rumour among the boys in high school was that he must have gotten some botched plastic surgery, but Sakura heard from Tsunade that he was scarred quite badly from an accident in his youth. Either way, it certainly hadn't stopped any of the high school girls from lusting after him.

"You look…" Kakashi's visible eye crinkled with cheer. "You're a grown woman now."

"Not sure if you're implying that's a good thing or a bad thing, really."

"Bad for me, clearly." Kakashi gestured at Sakura's diamond ring. "I knew I should have made my move when I had the chance."

"Once a pervert, always a pervert." Sakura rolled her eyes with a smirk. She gestured at the open swing next to her, and Kakashi took a seat.

"So, you here with your husband on holiday?" He asked, watching Sakura kick her toes back and forth in the hot playground sand.

"Sasuke's at…" Sakura started to make the excuse out of force of habit, but stopped herself immediately. She wasn't back in Hokkaido. Everyone in Tokyo knew about Sasuke's behaviour, and the more she took up for him, the more she would only embarrass herself.

"—Sasuke?" Kakashi seemed surprised, but didn't say anything else. Sakura hung her head.

"What?"

"I won't lie…I always thought that was a phase," he shrugged.

"For him or for me?"

"For you," Kakashi gave her shoulder a soft nudge. "You were always top of the class in school, but you worked hard. Despite Sasuke and all his issues, we knew he'd slide on through into a position with his father's company. Thought maybe it would take you in two different directions."

"People really don't give him enough credit, you know." Sakura snapped. "He dealt with so much shit, Kakashi. His mother and father in that fire… and then finding out that his brother was the one who…"

"Look. No one's saying he didn't go through a lot of shit. But it certainly shows a lot about the measure of a man in the way that he deals with that shit."

When Sakura didn't respond, Kakashi continued. "He's better to you now at least, I hope."

"He's always been good to me." Sakura was immediately defensive. She knew it made her sound like an idiot, because in many ways Sasuke had most definitely not been good to her, but after so many years, the defense just came naturally to her. Sasuke was flawed, yes, but he'd given her so much. The greatest of all, Sarada.

Her heart always swelled when she thought of that little girl. She'd been so scared during the labor – 16 hours of tears and panic, but Sasuke had been right there beside her through it all.

" _This is the start of our family,"_ he'd told her. _"We're building something beautiful together."_

"Mn." Kankashi made a noncommittal sound. "So are you staying around for some time?"

"I suppose," Sakura was vague. "It's good to be here again. See my mom…"

"If you ever need anything…" Kakashi trailed off. It was a lazy, non-committal offer, but that was Kakashi. He was the same. Sakura smiled and thanked him, her eyes brimming again as he walked away.

Instead of taking the bus, Sakura started a slow walk back to Ino's place. She knew it would take ages, but wanted the time to think. As Sakura approached Ino's house, she caught sight of the back of a tall man holding Sarada up in the air. The silky black hair reminded her of Sasuke and she panicked, breaking into a jog. At that moment, he turned, and Sakura recognized the familiar face.

"Sai." She breathed a sigh of relief. "It's just you."

"It's just me," he gave a curt smile before throwing Sarada up in the air and catching her. The sudden move nearly gave Sakura a heart attack, but Sarada was full of laughter.

"Again!" she cried.

"No, me next!" Inojin whined from beside his father's pant leg. "She's hogging you!"

Ignoring the pouting boy, Sai placed Sarada back down on the ground and turned back to Sakura.

"Nice to see you again, ugly," he smirked and gave her arm a nudge.

"That wasn't funny 8 years ago, Sai, and it's not funny now." Sakura grit her teeth through a smile.

"Lighten up, Sakura," he urged with a gentle smile, and for the first time ever since she'd met Sai, Sakura thought he seemed sincere. Fatherhood really changed people, it seemed.

' _Some people.'_

"Hey mom!" Sarada bounded into her mother's arms. "It's been so much fun! Inojin showed me his paints. His dad has a huuuuuge art studio in the house, and his mom has flowers everywhere from work!"

"Oh really?" Sakura swung her daughter around once before settling her bare feet back on the ground. Together, they walked back to the entrance of the house, where Ino stood grinning. Sarada sat down and pulled her feet into a pair of sparkling grey sneakers.

"That's amazing, Sarada." Sakura bent down to tie her daughter's shoes, but Sarada pulled them away.

"I can do them by myself," she said firmly. "I'm 8. I'm not a baby anymore."

Sakura, shocked by the rejection, remained in her bent position for a moment before rising up. When she stood, Ino was watching her carefully.

"No," Sakura hesitated. "No, of course not."

"It's okay, Sakura." Ino said with a gentle smile once Sarada ran back out to say goodbye to her new friend. "Inojin gets like that too sometimes. We don't want them to, but they all grow up. They won't need us forever."

"Yeah, you're right," Sakura said without much enthusiasm. It was childish and backwards of her, but she used to be able to count on Sarada as a constant. Someone who always needed her help and comfort.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Ino leaned in close to try and look at her friend's face. Sakura bit her bottom lip and shook her head to keep from crying again. Behind them, Sai pretended not to notice, picking up toy cars and older kiddy detritus from the yard.

"Shit. No way." Ino tried to pull her into a hug, but Sakura backed away.

"Tsunade's always been a hard ass, I don't know what I was thinking," she shrugged. "I should just get Sarada home and help mom make dinner."

"Fuck that," Ino snatched her purse from the rail behind her front door. "Let's have drinks."

"What?" Sakura looked at the blonde as if she'd grown another head.

"Come on, let's ditch the kids with uncle Sai and get plastered."

"Let's do what now?" Sai raised a brow at his wife, who only had to give him a warning look to command silence.

"Ino, I really don't think this is okay… " Sakura hesitated. She'd never spent a whole night away from Sarada before, and wasn't sure she wanted to start now.

"Sakura, come on. Ever since I've known you, you've always done the right thing. Do something bad for once, Jesus."

"Perfect. I'll call Temari, Hinata, Tenten! We'll make it a girl's night and Sarada will stay over."

"Wait…" Sakura started, but before she knew it, she was being dragged downtown to meet Temari by Ino and Tenten.

Temari worked at a PR firm further in the city and was eager for after work drinks.

"We should go to Suriya," she suggested once she saw Sakura. Usually, she would press for a more rowdy venue, but as Shikamaru said, her meddling truly knew no bounds. Temari knew her brother made a habit of visiting Suriya on Tuesday evenings to catch up with Matsuri and overpay for takeout curry. It was the perfect opportunity for her to stir shit and push another meeting between him and Sakura.

"Suriya?" Ino balked at the suggestion. "I don't want curry – I want cocktails!"

"They have discounted drinks on Thursday nights!" Temari pressed, silently wishing the other blonde would shut up.

"Oh, well in that case… Suriya it is!" Ino happily conceded.

As soon as they arrived, Hinata joined them and Tenten ordered a round of vodka cranberries for the table. Sakura felt strangely out of place in a bar – she couldn't remember the last time she'd been out for dinner or drinking at a place that didn't have a kids' menu.

"She's fine, Sakura," Ino said, reading her friend's mind. "I'm sure she's busy driving Inojin crazy just the way you did me when you were that age."

"I'm sorry, I know I'm being ridiculous. I just worry about her a lot," Sakura stirred her drink with the short black straw.

"Well stop it already. You're only smothering her," Tenten said firmly. "Let her be a kid for a bit."

"And you be an adult and stop babying that cocktail!" Temari smirked.

Sakura sighed and finally caved in, taking a long drink from her glass. It seemed she'd had more to drink in the past week than she had in 8 years since marrying Sasuke.

"How's operation GBBG going?" Tenten asked suddenly, nudging Ino with her elbow.

"GBBG?" Temari asked before raising her own glass to her lips.

"Get banged by Gaara," the two girls chorused.

Hinata covered her mouth in shock, and Sakura and Temari nearly spit up all over the table.

"That's my little brother you're talking about! Jesus…!" Temari balked. Playing a bit of messy matchmaker for drama's sake was one thing, but she didn't even want to _think_ about either of her siblings' sex lives.

"It's not! It's not going anywhere!" Sakura cried out, trying to reassure Temari. "Temari I swear. I'm not trying to do… _that_ at all!"

Temari had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing at Sakura's overreaction. That alone told her that she wasn't being totally honest.

"I didn't realize you were into my brother like that..." Temari leaned in to Sakura with a frown. Sakura swallowed hard. The scary look reminded her of something out of her mother's playbook.

"I'm not! Gaara's just a friend!" she put her hands up.

"Oh, so you don't think he's attractive?" Temari pushed, seemingly offended. Sakura squirmed.

"I…" She tried to look away, but Temari's gaze was insistent. "He's good looking. Of course."

"Are you trying to say all he's got going for him is looks?" Temari's voice went a bit shrill, and the other girls at the table, picking up on the tease, had to fight to contain their smiles.

"Of course not!" Sakura's cheeks went bright red. "He's kind and generous and I'm sure any woman would be lucky to have him."

"So you want to date him?"

"No!" Sakura cried.

"Oh, so you just want to fuck him." Temari said in a deadpan voice. Behind her, Ino and Tenten burst into giggles. "You just want to fuck my brother."

Sakura struggled to find the correct response, blushing and fidgeting in her seat. Temari couldn't help but burst into laughter at the result of her playful mocking. Just as she was about to apologize, the chimes at the front of the restaurant sounded, signalling the front door had opened.

"Oh! Speak of the devil," she grinned.

The girls craned their necks as the tall redhead entered the curry house. He was still in his suit from work, and typing something furiously into a blackberry.

' _Right on time.'_ Temari checked her watch with a smirk. For once, her brother's punctuality had paid off for her. Beside her, Sakura dropped down low in the booth.

"I can't believe this…" Sakura tried to cover her face with a napkin.

"What's wrong?" Temari feigned concern.

"Sorry I…" Sakura sighed. "It's your brother. I know we were kidding around earlier, but ever since I got back I keep…invading his space."

"Invading his space? Sakura, it's a public restaurant."

"I know, but…" Sakura pushed her hair behind her ear. "We keep running into each other and I just don't want him to think that I still…"

"Still what?" Hinata was suddenly interested.

"Nothing! I just mean..." Sakura's cheeks burned red. "Yesterday we kind of—

"Yesterday? What happened yesterday?" Ino leaned in close.

"You guys are like vultures, I swear!" Sakura rose up in the booth to take another swig of her drink. "Nothing! Nothing happened!"

"Temari. Ino. Hinata. Tenten." A velvety smooth voice interrupted her rant, and when Sakura looked up, Gaara was standing over the table, waiting patiently. After addressing the others formally, he looked to Sakura with an expression she couldn't quite read. "Sakura, can I speak to you a moment?"

Sakura froze up, but managed a stiff nod. Ino moved quickly to let her friend out of the booth and watched with glee as she followed Gaara out of the restaurant. As soon as they stepped into the muggy evening air, Gaara started.

"I'm sorry for taking you away from your evening, but I saw you and thought I should come over."

"No, that's fine Gaara," Sakura said. Unsure what to do with her hands, she rubbed her forearms nervously. "Always good to see you."

"I'd just like to apologize for how I came off yesterday at the squash courts. It was clumsy of me—

"—it's okay," Sakura interrupted. "To be honest I know it has to be really weird with me being here, bringing drama around again like before."

"You didn't bring around drama," Gaara tried to comfort her with the lie, but Sakura just scoffed.

"Look Gaara, I know you're trying to be nice, but you don't have to do the whole revisionist history thing." She gave a gentle smile. "I know I was annoying."

"You weren't…" he started again, but then stopped when he saw Sakura's raised brow. "You struggled. So did I."

 _Struggled_ was an understatement. They both knew it, but Gaara wondered if he should even bring Sasuke up. Temari always said the only way to resolve tension was to talk about it, but the thought of digging up old memories made his head hurt. All he wanted was for things to be smooth and platonic with Sakura. Like any other friend.

"About that…" he tried. "I just want to say—

"Let's not talk about it," she interrupted. "About any of it. It was 8 years ago and we were different people then."

Sakura felt herself starting to sweat. She didn't want to go back there with him – to desperation and embarrassment. When she caught Gaara's eye she immediately glanced away. The way he looked at her… She wondered, did he see a woman now, or just a pathetic 20 year old kid?

"How did everything with Tsunade go?"

Sakura was grateful for the change of subject.

"A disaster," she sighed, and leaned against the building. "I felt like a complete idiot. But…you know, she just said what I'm sure everyone else has been thinking for years. I ran away to chase Sasuke and I've come back looking like an idiot."

Gaara frowned to himself. He wasn't used to hearing Sakura sound so defeated. Even when she was with Sasuke she always seemed to be able to look on the bright side. The peppiness had irritated him then, but this…the self-pity…was far worse.

"Sakura. I work in a business where often times I have to sell people services they're tell me they're certain they don't need," Gaara explained. "Sometimes It's a matter of not taking no for an answer."

"I don't know, Gaara. I don't really think it's the same…" Sakura fanned her face with one hand. It was uncomfortably warm outside, and on top of that, she felt quite stifled under Gaara's gaze. "I practically begged her and she wouldn't budge."

"Why would you beg her for what you deserve?" Gaara was firm. As soon as he slipped into business mode he found himself comfortable talking to her. All of a sudden Sakura wasn't a woman he found attractive – she was just an associate in need of help.

' _That's right. Treat it like business,'_ he thought.

"Sometimes people reject a premise based on pride. It's up to you to sell her on your worth and let her know that you're an offer she can't refuse."

"What's so special about me?"

"Everything," Gaara said without thinking, and Sakura blushed. "Your education. Your talent. Yes, it's been some years, but Tsunade shouldn't even be in a position to say no given how understaffed they've been recently. You're someone she won't have to train. You know her working style and you've always picked up on things quickly."

"Jesus Gaara, you make me sound like some kind of gift to medicine. I'm not—

"—stop it," Gaara snapped. "If you don't believe in yourself, who else do you think is going to? No one's going to hand you anything, Sakura, so you need to ask for it. Demand it."

Gaara ended his rant with a frown. His sister might have scolded him for talking to a friend that way, especially Sakura, but he couldn't help it. He'd always wanted more for her.

"I…" Sakura stared up into Gaara's eyes and immediately felt affected by the seriousness there. She steeled herself. "You're right."

"I'm rarely wrong," he joked, relieved at the positive reaction.

"I guess that's why you make the big bucks," Sakura gave him a smile.

"Well…nepotism helps too," Gaara shrugged, thinking of Rasa.

Sakura suddenly remembered the conversations they used to have back during their school days, and how Gaara used to become irate at even the slightest mention of his dad.

"You work for your father now?" The corners of her mouth dipped down just a little, and her brow furrowed.

"Things change." Gaara said with an embarrassed air. Sakura nodded to herself, thinking hard. She didn't have any reason to doubt that things had changed – _she_ certainly had. If building a relationship with his father was important to him, she could accept that.

"Well…I'm glad you could work it out with your family," Sakura said sincerely, but Gaara snorted.

"Oh I'd hardly say anything's been worked out." He muttered. "More like I _sold out_."

He was trying to make a joke, but couldn't bring himself to smile. All of a sudden Sakura became afraid of the tense silence that had settled between them.

"Gaara, I'm really sorry about what I said at your party a few nights ago. About the drinking."

"It's fine," Gaara said diplomatically, trying again to treat her as neutrally as possible, but when Sakura leaned in with a look of determination on her face, his pulse raced, and his fingers itched to touch her.

"No, it's not. It was insensitive, and I'm sorry." She pushed. "I didn't even ask how everything was going. Like _really_ going. Outside of work and…well… _are you okay_?"

And there it was – the stubborn kindness that he remembered from their schooldays. It was classic Sakura – concern for everyone but herself. Even after everything that was going on with Sasuke and Sarada and her own problems, she still managed to worry about him. Gaara had taken advantage of that before, but was determined not to ever again.

"I'm fine, Sakura. I assure you," he said firmly. "And I'm glad to see you back here after so long."

Sakura's cheeks coloured, and she had to fight to keep herself from smiling too eagerly. That was her problem, she thought. She was always too eager with him.

Just then, a cool breeze blew that gave Sakura her breath back, and she distracted herself from Gaara's face by tying her hair up in a ponytail. With her hair up, the sweat on the back of her neck chilled and cooled her skin. Gaara watched her, but pretended not to. Pretended not to be taken by how soft and young she looked with her hair swept back from her face. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd seen her with her hair anything other than pressed straight, hanging like two soft pink curtains on either side of her face.

There was a short-lived blunt bangs phase their senior year, and once, after a particularly miserable phone call with his father and a bit too much gin, he'd found the nerve to touch her face – push the soft hair from her forehead to see the brow she always hid. Now, like then, it felt like seeing a secret part of her that was reserved for only a select few.

"I'm going to stay a bit longer here with the girls." Sakura interrupted his thoughts. "Do you want to sit with us?"

Gaara struggled. Part of him wanted to say yes. He wanted to be the kind of man who could carelessly set aside work reports and the thought of an early night's sleep for fun. He imagined Naruto or Kankuro would have no trouble throwing his arm around her and laughing the night away, but as put together as Gaara presented himself, he had to admit he felt a sense of fear. He didn't know how to navigate most social situations without inserting anecdotes about financial modelling or excel macros. With his father or Naruto or even Shijima it was easy. They would do all the talking and he could listen. But with Sakura, he knew she'd want some sort of give and take.

"I can't…" Gaara didn't finish, but he didn't have to.

"—right. Of course." Sakura interrupted him with an embarrassed smile. "I'm sure you have a lot of important things to do."

"Maybe another time," Gaara said, and from the defeated look in Sakura's eyes, could tell she knew he didn't really mean it.

"Yes. Maybe." Her voice held a soft sadness that he couldn't stand. Quickly, Gaara pulled a business card from his pocket and scribbled his cell phone number on the blank side.

"Let me know when you get the job," he handed it to her. "We'll have a coffee or something."

The 'or something' sent Sakura's mind wandering, but she took the card anyway. "You mean _if._ " She held it with both hands, inspecting the crisp gold lettering of his name on the front.

"When," Gaara corrected, but was secretly relieved when Matsuri came out with his order and he no longer had to feel the warm intensity of Sakura's gaze.

"Tell Sarada I say hello."

"Of course!" Sakura was pleasantly surprised to hear him mention her daughter. They stood there a moment, unsure of how to really say goodbye. Finally, Sakura stepped in for a hug.

When Gaara noticed her starting to lean in he'd planned on casually ignoring it, but something brought him back to her like a boomerang. Her arms went around his shoulders again, the way they did when she was in the privacy of his home, and his cradled her small back.

She'd intended the contact to be brief, but something inside her had other plans. Sakura fisted his jacket in both hands and pulled him close.

Sakura didn't make a sound this time, but she didn't have to. When Gaara bent, he could feel her lips against his neck and that alone drove him crazy. He couldn't tell – was this all in his head? Was she trying to elicit something in him?

"Well…see you." Sakura pulled away suddenly, her voice slightly airy.

"Right. See you." Gaara nodded. When he looked up he noticed Matsuri was still holding the bag, watching them with great interest.

"Thanks Matsuri." Embarrassed, Gaara was quick to take the order from her hands and exit.

Sakura walked back to the table, clutching Gaara's business card in a daze.

"So? Where is he?" Ino looked over Sakura's shoulder for any trace of Gaara. "Didn't you invite him for a drink?"

"He's busy." Sakura smiled, but Temari could see something was different about it. Her cheeks looked rosier, and her eyes brighter – more excited.

"What's with you two?" she asked slyly. "I've never seen my little brother so weird with anyone before."

"It's just been a long time." Sakura looked down at the card in her hands and tucked it into the side of her purse. "A really long time."

* * *

Across town, Gaara rushed down the hall to his apartment, desperate to drop his bag and take the longest, coldest shower in history. Life, however, had other plans for him. The moment he unlocked the front door, he found a familiar curvy silhouette waiting expectantly beside his wet bar.

"Rather bold of you to let yourself in." Gaara was unamused. He dropped the bag of curry on his dining table and peeled off his suit jacket.

"You should have made a point to ask for your key back." Shijima's cooed. She dangled the electric fob from her fingertips.

Gaara opened his palm, motioning for her to drop it, but instead, she stepped into the light and gave his cheek a soft peck.

"I didn't think you'd make this sort of thing a habit." Gaara turned his face from Shijima's to avoid another kiss. Shijima was clearly displeased, but he could tell she was trying to keep the frustration from reading on her face.

"Well, you know me. If I want something, I go get it." She smiled instead.

"Shijima…I'm very tired," Gaara ran a hand through his hair. "I'd like it if you left."

"I'd like it if you talked to me."

"I'm going through a lot at work right now," Gaara frowned. "You of all people should be aware."

"Believe me, I know. Your father's a slave driver. But that doesn't mean you have to get scared and throw everything away."

"Scared?" Gaara raised a brow. "When have you ever known me to be scared of anything?" He reached into the fridge and grabbed a bottle.

Shijima gave him a sceptical look. "You're drinking beer now?"

Gaara stared at the bottle in his hand. He'd been operating on autopilot and hadn't even realized he'd picked it up out of the fridge. "Temari had a homecoming party for me. It's left over."

"I'm not being critical, it's just…" Shijima frowned just slightly. "You never used to drink on weeknights. You always said it was important for you to be sharp at all times."

"It's been a long day. I'd like to decompress," he admitted, but somehow the look on her face made it seem shameful.

"Then talk to me," Shijima took the bottle from Gaara's hand and placed it on the countertop. "Share some stress."

"I'm not really…" Gaara shook his head. How could he talk about Sakura with her? "I can't."

"Well, then we don't have to talk." Shijima pressed her hands up against Gaara's chest. "Maybe I can just take your mind off things? Like old times?"

Gaara lowered his gaze. Usually, he might have entertained the suggestion, but with Sakura in the back of his mind, it felt wrong. He took her hands and placed them gently back at her sides.

"We've talked about this. I think it would best if we keep things professional from now on."

"I just don't know where we've gone wrong." Shijima took a seat on one of the barstools. "Have I done something…?"

He could see her chewing on the subject, working it over in her mind and trying to come up with a practical solution. However, Gaara was quickly discovering that nothing about him was really all that practical.

"It's not about you," he insisted. "It's work, and—

"—Jesus fucking Christ!"

There was a silence, and Gaara realised he'd never heard her swear before.

"I wish you'd stop making that excuse! Stop making your life work! If you want a family…kids…you have to commit to something outside of spreadsheets and meetings. You don't want to end up like Ra—

"Enough," Gaara snapped. "I told you I'm not doing this with you anymore. I don't want this. I don't want—"

"—Me?" Shijima scoffed. "Fine." She snatched her purse up from the couch, and threw the spare keys at Gaara's chest. "Drink yourself into oblivion for all I care."

Gaara listened to the door slam behind her and sighed.

" _You shouldn't drink when you're sad,"_ he remembered Sakura lecturing him once. _"It never makes you happier."_

Gaara looked at the bottle in his hands, and then pushed it open against the edge of granite countertop. Instead of sipping, he emptied his contents down the sink. Once he finished with the other four bottles, Gaara fell back onto his couch. As taunting his plans for relaxation, his cell phone buzzed in his pocket. He fully expected it to be Shijima and prepared to turn off the screen, but an unknown number popped up and he sat up straight to read the texts.

 **Told Sarada u say hi. She wants 2 know when she can visit again**

 **(presumptuous, isn't she?!)**

Gaara read the message several times before computing what was happening.

Sakura.

The moment he'd given her his number, he'd opened this strangely intimate new world between them. It was one thing to run into each other every now and again, but now she could message him at any time.

 **Whenever you want,** he typed at first, but then after staring at the words for a long while, erased them.

" _What are you doing? This isn't a good idea."_ Something in the back of his head chided.

Gaara started another message, trying to figure out something neutral and succinct, maybe mildly funny, but erased it all and stared at the blank box. For a moment he thought about filling it with something more honest.

 **You looked beautiful tonight.**

 **I like your hair up.**

 **I think about you often.**

It all seemed so pathetic. Gaara hadn't been emotional since he was a child. It had been kicked and beaten and shouted out of him since then, and for good reason. You couldn't make logical decisions when you were caught up in emotion, and surely, engaging in late night idle chit-chat with Sakura was not a logical decision.

" _You ruin everything you touch."_ Rasa's voice came again, this time a hammer to the back of his skull.

After what had likely only been a minute, but felt to Gaara like hours, he saw the ellipses under Sakura's name that signalled she was typing something.

 **Let's catch up again soon?**

Gaara stared at his phone.

Did he really want to do this? It wasn't too late to ignore her and pretend that he didn't feel the things he felt. He could call Shijima. He could try and work it out. He could surrender and let her momentum carry him away.

Fast, before he could overthink it, Gaara typed something into the box and tapped send. Once the message went through, he turned off his phone and placed it face down on the coffee table. The redhead sighed out, knowing full well he wouldn't be able to sleep through the night.


	5. This Isn't Everything You Are

**Chapter 5**

 **AN:** Your reviews – they warm my heart! They sustain me! Thank you to everyone for your kind feedback. I realize the Shijima stuff is hard to read for some people, but I think we all can recognize that in life we often date a lot of people before we find 'the one.' ;-) Hope you like this chapter. Next chapter is already halfway written, so will be coming soon! Stay tuned!

* * *

Sakura sat on a stool in Ino's kitchen, a towel stuffed down the neck of her t-shirt.

"You sure you want to do this?" Ino asked as she raised the scissors to the braided ponytail in her best friend's hair.

Sakura took a deep breath and nodded. She felt Ino pull gently on her hair, and then the slight sawing motion of the shears making their way through the thickness of her braid. It only took a few seconds, and suddenly 8 years of length was no more. At a young age, short hair was always her thing. Though she was teased relentlessly for the cut, with Ino beside her to keep the bullies away, it eventually gave her confidence. It didn't get into her face when she played or did sports, and it reminded her of her mother. Then, somewhere around high school she'd heard a rumor floating around that Sasuke liked girls with long hair. Since then, she'd grown it out and become diligent about haircare. Back then, she wouldn't let her head hit the pillow without brushing the strands until they were shiny and smooth, and never let a week go by without trimming and dusting the ends into a perfect blunt cut.

It wasn't until after Sarada was born that she'd started to fall behind on its upkeep. She thought that a child might encourage Sasuke to stay around the house more often, but a few months of doting and comfort turned into the same late night rituals that brought him back to bed smelling of some other woman's perfume. Hair became the least of her worries. She wore it pin straight, hanging like a sheet to hide her face, the bags under her eyes, the sallow tint to her skin from skipping meals and subsisting mostly on diet cola and white rice.

She'd kept it neat and trimmed when on playdates with some of the other mother's from Sarada's private school, but once Sasuke's penis had infiltrated that space as well, rumors spread like wildfire. Ashamed, Sakura spent more time at home, watching daytime television and waiting for Sarada to come home. Once the other mothers soured on their family and Sarada's friends slowly disappeared, it was easy to insulate herself with her daughter. Hair didn't matter anymore. Neither did any form of self-care.

' _All we need is each other,'_ she'd told herself back then. _'It'll be just fine.'_

Once Ino had trimmed away the excess and evened out the ends of her hair, Sakura took another look at herself in the mirror. She moved her head back and forth, marvelling in how light it felt. In the reflection, she could see Ino holding on to the long, frizzy pink braid of hair.

She'd grown so used to long hair, she almost didn't recognize herself. The new cut brought more attention to her eyes, and she made a horrified mental note to start looking into Botox and Juvaderm.

"What's with that face? You look great." Ino put the braid aside and stepped back to admire her handiwork. "Way more mature."

"Mature… But not old, right?" Sakura had a moment of panic, and Ino quickly picked up her comb again.

"Not old. Don't worry. " She spritzed it with water and parted Sakura's hair to the side, training away her usual center part. "Very sexy, actually."

Sakura ran her fingers through the new cut, admiring herself at different angles, when a set of small footsteps trampled quickly into the kitchen.

"Mamaaaa!" Sarada sounded off from down the hall. "Inojin says there's a festival coming- your hair!" The 8 year old skidded to a stop in the doorway of the kitchen, holding her mother's cell phone with both hands.

"You like it?" Sakura shook her head from side to side. Sarada placed the phone on the table and bounded into her mother's arms.

"Woah! It's short like mine!" She grinned, but then suddenly her smile faded away. "But I don't think papa won't like it."

"That's okay," Sakura hugged her daughter close. "I did it for me, not for papa."

Ino was happy to hear the words from her friend, but Sarada's smile quickly morphed into an angry frown.

"You're so annoying!" Sarada let go of her mother abruptly. "You're always doing stupid stuff to make him mad."

Shocked, Ino stopped sweeping the floor. "Sarada… that's not very nice," she chided.

"It's just not fair," she whined again. "Now when papa does come for us, he's going to be angry."

"Sarada that's not…" Sakura started, but the stubborn Uchiha turned on her heel and rushed back out through the doorway.

"Someone needs a time out," Ino muttered, but Sakura only heaved a sigh.

"There's no point. After all, she's not wrong." Sakura touched her hair. "He's totally going to be pissed."

"Who cares? Screw him," Ino countered. "What he wants from you doesn't matter anymore. Right?"

Sakura looked into the mirror again and pulled at the ends of her hair, as if trying to stretch it back to its original length. "Right."

Ino's gaze wandered to the pink phone on the countertop that Sarada left behind. "Has he still been calling you?"

"He's left a few more messages, but you know, I think he's cooled down now. He's really just saying he misses us. I think—" Sakura reached for the phone, but Ino snatched it away.

"Sakura, don't. Don't even fucking go there. I know you when it comes to Sasuke. He'll say a few sweet things and bam. It's over. The best thing you could do for yourself is just block the bastard and get on with your life!"

"It's not so simple, Ino." Sakura turned in the chair to face her friend. "She's his child too. He has rights, and I can't just run away forever."

"Well now isn't forever. Now is just…" Ino sighed. "It's just enough time to think about what you want. Think about seriously signing those papers and doing what you need to do."

Sakura thought of the manila folder with divorce papers she had stashed away in her closet at home. She couldn't count the number of times she'd been over them since she'd arrived. Still, they remained unsigned. In her head, she could see the day she got married. She was four months pregnant, and no one from either of their families was present. Sasuke at least had the excuse of the graveyard, but Sakura hadn't told her own mother until it was too late for her to try to stop her. Yet despite that, she'd felt happy. It was just the two of them – _'us against the world,'_ she'd thought. Removed from the people who just couldn't understand how deeply she loved him.

"Give me your hand," Ino demanded suddenly. Sakura hesitated, but before she realized what was happening, Ino grabbed her wrist and pulled off the diamond band on her ring finger. "There. Perfect."

Sakura flexed her fingers – her hand felt light and naked without the ring. She wasn't sure if she liked it.

"I'm not going to tell you again, five head." Ino warned. "You need to loosen up and enjoy your life. Sarada's only upset because she knows you're upset too. You have to try and take your mind off it. Be normal. Be the you you were before Sasuke."

 _The me I was before Sasuke…_. Sakura thought to herself. _Who was that, anyway?_

She remembered how things were when she started college. Her freshman year, when she'd had freedom to do whatever she wanted. She joined judo club, the mathletes, worked at the hospital as a trainee. She was focused and driven. Sasuke was in her life, but it wasn't until rumors started about his unfaithfulness that she'd let it all slip away from her.

An hour later, Sakura found herself at the hospital again. Instead of waiting for Shizune to buzz her in, she stalked past reception and flung open the door to the blonde's office. It swung wildly, and slammed into the wall behind her. The blonde was in the middle of paperwork, and looked highly unamused.

"Oh, wow. So you've lost your fucking mind." Tsunade glared at Sakura, and then the dent in the wall where the doorknob had smacked into the drywall.

"I'm here for my job back." Sakura ignored the property damage and placed her hands firmly on her hips. Her heart was racing wildly, but the posture gave her the strength to continue.

Tsunade snorted. "You know, nice new haircut and all, but I'm not your boyfriend. Your looks do nothing for me, Haruno."

"This time I've done my research, Tsunade," Sakura intentionally dropped the honorific. "Patient satisfaction has been down 45% in the last two years. Employee satisfaction a pathetic 68%. Why do you think that is?"

"I know my stats—

"—Overworked, understaffed. A focus on shuffling patients out instead of patient care" Sakura didn't let her finish. "I'm not saying that by hiring me back you're going to fix that right away, but they're sure as hell going to jump. You won't get improved results by hiring a temp or some kid straight out of school with no experience."

Tsunade put her pen down and folded her arms on the desk. "You don't know anything about anything."

"I know everything," Sakura countered. "I know it'll take me a year to get back up to date with my license, but what you don't know is that I never stopped studying. I don't care if you have me do your bullshit paperwork and filing until it's sorted, but I know you need me. I can use what I know to train the younger staff and take the weight off your shoulders."

"Sakura…"

"You need me," she repeated. "You know you need me. I'm sorry for the way I left all those years ago, but I can't change the past and I'm not going to let you hold it over my head for the rest of my life."

There was a silence, and Sakura could hear her breathing loud in the room.

"Show up on Monday at 5:45am. No later." Tsunade snapped. "You'll do rounds with me and keep your mouth shut. Everything I want, you're on it. No touching patients. Only paperwork."

"Understood," Sakura nodded firmly, ready to back out of the room.

"And Sakura!" Tsunade barked suddenly. Sakura stood up straight, back rigid, ready for another attack.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama?"

"Don't ever walk in here again wearing those shoes. Jesus, 8 years and your fashion sense is still stuck on college kid."

"Yes ma'am." Sakura glanced down at her converse and gave a little chuckle, before practically bouncing out of the room and straight into Shizune, who had clearly been listening in. Instead of stopping to celebrate with her, Sakura rushed straight out to make a call.

She opened her phone and the chat from the night before with Gaara. Sakura hadn't expected him to respond to her late night ramblings, so when he did, she was pleasantly surprised.

 **Just say when.**

She read the line over and over again. Gaara had always been a man who valued straight to the point interactions, but there was something playfully intimate about the reply that she liked. He was putting the ball in her court, and she wanted nothing more than to celebrate with one of the few people who had always believed in her worth. Instead of sending another text, she dialed his number.

It rang twice before he answered, formally as usual.

"Gaara speaking."

"I believe you owe me a coffee, Mr. Sabaku. _Or something_ ," Sakura said gleefully into the line.

Gaara's chuckle was a pleasant rumble against her ear. "You got the job."

"I got the job!" Sakura fought to contain a rather girlish squeal, but Gaara could hear a little squeak bubbling at the back of her throat.

"Well… I'm usually not the kind of man who says I told you so, but…I think you know the rest," he said slyly.

"I owe it to you," Sakura said as she walked out towards the bus stop. "Thanks for giving it to me straight."

"You owe it to yourself," Gaara leaned his chin to rest against the palm of his hand, imagining Sakura beaming with joy on the other line. "I never doubted you."

Sakura smiled to herself, readily absorbing the praise.

"Are you free for lunch?" He suggested. "I'm having a light day."

It was a lie, of course. Gaara was swamped under as usual, but unfortunately Shijima had been making excuses all morning to interrupt him, and he needed at least 30 minutes of distance from the office before he succumbed to the urge to fire her and set the rest of the office ablaze.

"Sort of…" Sakura thought of Sarada and her mood from the morning. Her mother was babysitting again, but Sakura didn't like the thought of leaving her again for the rest of the afternoon. "Sarada and I are—"

"I'll make sure to choose somewhere all three of us will be pleased with," Gaara said quickly, as if reading her mind. "Come by the office at 12:30. The address is on the card I gave you."

"Thanks Gaara." Sakura hung up and smiled all the way back to her mother's house. As she entered the kitchen, she could hear a small voice talking excitedly over something. Sakura expected to see her mother, but when she rounded the corner, Sarada was sitting alone at the kitchen table, holding the cordless phone to her ear.

"Yes, soon!" Sarada cheered into the line, but hung up as soon as she saw her mother coming.

"Who were you talking to? Where's grandma?" Sakura lifted the phone from her daughter's hands, frowning. When she lifted it to her ear, there was only a dial tone.

"She's in the bathroom." Sarada shrugged. "I was just talking to Inojin…"

"Hm. You guys are really way too into each other." Sakura teased. "Say, how would you like to have a fancy lunch today?"

"Fancy lunch?" Sarada hopped down from the wooden chair. "Yes!"

"Gaara's offered to take us. Remember Gaara?"

Sarada looked confused for a moment, but then something seemed to click. "With the plants, right?"

"Yep, with the plants." Sakura paused a moment to think. "That reminds me…I should pick him up something."

After a quick stop at Ino's flower shop, Sarada and Sakura headed out again for the city. Gaara's office was smack dab in the center, and reminded Sakura of something out of movies she'd watched about financial districts in America. People constantly milling about – crisp and clean black suits and dresses, everyone seemingly so important and busy. Sakura was in awe to see the Sabaku family name in bold print on the main door, the hallways – everywhere. The way he'd lazed around aimlessly in college and almost never went out, she never suspected he came from money.

Suddenly, she felt very out of place in her skinny jeans and floral print camisole.

"It's huge," she whispered to her mother.

"Isn't it?" Sakura adjusted her purse strap on her shoulder and tried to look confident. "Seems like Gaara does a lot of important work."

It didn't take long for Sakura to spot Gaara. Even dressed in the uniform of slim black suit and polished black shoes, Gaara stood out with his blood red hair, smoothed and parted carefully to half-cover the tattoo on his forehead. Sakura had asked him about that once, but she remembered nothing more than a few grunts and a noncommittal answer. Despite how rough and tumble he looked, she always felt comfortable with him. Gaara was grim and stubborn and argumentative, but no matter how what, he would never hurt her. At least... not the way Sasuke had. Sakura took Sarada's hand and started to approach, but stopped on a dime when a woman suddenly came into her line of sight.

She was tall, with long, dark hair. Like black ink. Gaara stood almost shoulder to shoulder with her, talking over something in a folder. Though the lack of distance between them seemed intimate, everything about her read serious and capable. Sakura couldn't help but think she looked familiar somehow, but couldn't quite figure out from where. She, like the other few women in the building, was also impeccably dressed, and her legs looked positively endless in a pair of red bottomed heels.

Feeling self-conscious, she stood off to the side with Sarada, shifting from foot to foot in her converse until Gaara caught sight of her in his periphery.

"Sakura," he handed the woman a folder before stepping over. "Sorry - were you waiting long?"

"No, not at all." Sakura waved him off, but could feel him looking carefully at her face, and most likely, her hair.

' _Why did I cut it?'_ She frowned to herself, thinking of his colleague's long locks. She could practically feel her gaze taking in everything about her appearance, from head to toe.

' _Tsunade really was right about these fucking shoes.'_

"Who's this?" Shijima smiled, and Sakura was taken aback by how radiant it was.

"This is my good friend Sakura," he said. "And her daughter Sarada. Sakura, Sarada, this is my colleague Shijima."

"Hi Gaara-san," Sarada waved. "Hi Shijima-san."

"Oh goodness she's so pretty," Shijima smiled at Sarada, who suddenly popped out from her behind her mother's leg.

"I've seen you on TV!" Sarada said excitedly.

At that, something in Sakura's head clicked. TV. That's where she recognized her from. Shijima. The woman in front of her was none other than the reigning Miss Hokkaido, from 2012 onward. Years ago, when she was back in the city she remembered seeing Shijima on daytime talk shows and advertisements promoting everything from holidays abroad to green tea smoothies.

"Is that so?" Shijima smiled. "Well, don't hold it against me."

Though she directed the joke to her daughter, Sakura couldn't help but smile. There was something oddly infectious about her demeanor, despite the cunning edge she could sense hiding underneath.

"We're going out for a bit. I'll catch up with you later," Gaara said suddenly, hoping to cut the chit-chat between them short.

"Ok boss. Enjoy your lunch." Shijima gave Gaara's forearm a firm squeeze, and although Sakura noticed, Gaara seemed unfazed by the contact.

He typed something into his blackberry and turned his back on her without a second thought.

"I remember her too," Sakura said once she had his attention again. "Miss Hokkaido. Wow. She's even more perfect in person."

"No one's perfect," Gaara said, sliding his phone back into the front pocket of his jacket. He wasn't entirely sure that was true, however.

When he'd first laid eyes on her just moments before in the hall, 'perfect' was the first word that came to mind. Her hair, once long and frizzy, was cut sleek and short, the strands just barely touching her collarbone. Gaara never really paid much attention to women's hairstyles, but this one, he liked. He liked it a lot. Her face always seemed brighter – more open.

He wanted to comment on it, but Sakura prattled on.

"Oh wow… she must be incredibly smart to work here. Seemed really keen on you, too." She tried to keep her smile easy and light, but was internally fighting the urge to grimace.

"I don't know about that," Gaara did his best to change the subject. "Sarada, do you like ice cream?"

"I love ice cream!" Sarada cheered. He was suddenly grateful for the oblivious nature of children.

"Let's go somewhere with ice-cream," Gaara suggested. He held open the door for her daughter and waited expectantly for Sakura to exit behind. There was something on her mind, he could tell, but didn't know how if he wanted to broach the subject. Meanwhile, Sakura wasn't sure how to feel about how nonchalant Gaara was over Shijima, and more importantly, why it bothered her so much.

She sighed out into the muggy summer air. Her once chipper mood had suddenly turned sour.

Gaara chose a café in a 40 story building aptly named SkyGarden, for its staggering views of the Tokyo skyline and the plethora of plant life that filled what seemed like every nook and cranny of the space.

"What's that one?" Sarada pointed out a spindly looking vine to their left as they were being seated.

"That's hedera. A type of ivy," Gaara lifted her slightly to touch the waxy leaves.

"And those ones?" Sarada gestured to a row of bumpy succulents.

"Those are prickly pear," he sat her back down in the booth beside him and began to explain the intricacies of the cactus families.

As Gaara entertained Sarada, Sakura thought back to Miss Hokkaido. Gaara may not have noticed the flirtation, but to her it was obvious as day.

 _Is she the kind of woman he likes?_ She wondered. She looked up and watched as Gaara's gaze followed the movement of a dark-haired waitress as she walked past them with a tray. He barely had to raise a finger to get her to come rushing back with a smaller menu for Sarada.

 _'Of course she is, you fucking moron_ ,' a voice in her head taunted. Sakura clenched her own menu with both hands. Shijima was the kind of woman every man liked. And when you were as successful and as handsome as Gaara, women like Shijima were only the baseline of what was offered to you. He had to be sleeping with her – why wouldn't he? She thought of his apartment, the sterile space and lack of feminine touches. Was it because he didn't take her there? Was it hotels, mostly? Fancy resorts? In his office?

Sakura's thoughts turned to Sasuke, and the charges for expensive hotel rooms on their bank statements she would pretend not to notice, but mentally tally up at the end of each month. _Was it more than one woman? Just one this time? Was he with her now?_

"Everything okay?" Gaara leaned forward, startling Sakura back to reality.

"Yes," Sakura pretended to be studying the menu again. "Of course. I just…I think I'll have ice cream as well. A sundae."

Gaara looked her in the eyes for a moment before responding, as if trying to figure something out. "Good choice. I hear they're quite nice."

"Are you having one as well?" Sakura asked.

"I'm still not very good with sweets," he admitted. "I'll have a coffee and some of the poppy seed loaf."

At the dismissal, Sakura suddenly felt embarrassed. She was on edge again, as if every inch of her was being scrutinized. Sakura remembered Shijima's slim, effortless figure, and ignored the growling of her stomach. "Maybe something lighter is more sensible. A salad."

Gaara was surprised by the comment. The Sakura he knew in college always had an intense sweet tooth. "You should eat what you feel like. Don't restrain yourself," He said, but to Sakura, it sounded critical.

" _Jesus Sakura, again with the sweets? Sarada's going to pick up your fucking pig habits!"_

"I don't need to have sweets," she frowned. "I can control myself. I'm not a pig."

At the word pig, Sarada scrunched her face up and covered her ears with both hands.

"Don't fight," Sarada whined, and mortified, Sakura's face lit up with blush.

"Of course you're not," Gaara insisted. "Who said—

"Everyone all decided here?"

The waitress from before came by again, smiling brightly. As if nothing had happened, Sakura quickly ordered her salad and Sarada's banana split. Gaara wanted to say something to her, but instead just put in his own order for the coffee and poppy seed loaf.

When the food came, she sat in silence. While Sarada rambled to Gaara about a show she'd seen Shijima on back in Hokkaido, she trained her eyes on the small, but expensive salad in front of her. Instead of eating, she picked at it, pushing bright red slices of tomato around on the plate. She was starving, and her body craved comfort food - a burger or a chocolate brownie, and the anger at herself was starting to bubble over. When she looked up, Gaara was carefully pushing Sarada's sundae closer to her, doing his best to mitigate spillage while she shoveled ice cream into her mouth. She couldn't help but feel ashamed. What she'd secretly hoped could be a quiet afternoon between the two of them had turned into a tension-filled babysitting session.

' _What do you want from me?'_ She heard Sasuke snapping at her. _'You're a mother, do your goddamn job taking care of her and maybe I'll stop thinking of you as more than a parasite. Jesus all you do is eat and bitch and moan!"_

"Sakura! Gaara!"

A familiar voice sounded off from behind, and Sakura looked up to see Temari standing at the front door, waving. She was wearing a forest green wrap dress, and had her hair up in a high ponytail. At the sight of the familiar face, Sakura breathed a sigh of relief. _Finally, something to cut the tension_ , she thought. Beside Temari was a tall man with long blonde hair that seemed to cover most of his face. He looked strangely avant-garde compared to Temari, wearing an XL smock style tunic and cigarette pants. Sakura noticed him eyeing a young waitress at first, but the moment Temari said her name, their gazes met.

"Temari! Hey!" She waved back, and Gaara turned in the booth to see his sister fast approaching. He was pleased at first for someone to diffuse the odd situation at their table, but as soon as he saw who was shuffling beside her, however, he felt himself developing a headache.

"Well if it isn't three of my favorite people…" Temari reached over to pinch her brother's cheek along with Sarada's, but Gaara was fast to back away. Sarada, however, ate up the attention.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" The blonde beside her chuckled. Temari was hesitant, but forced a smile.

"Sakura, this is Deidara. I do PR for him. Gaara actually handles his assets. Deidara, this is Sakura and her daughter Sarada."

Sakura clapped her hands together in surprise. "Deidara! That's right… I've heard of you – you did those amazing clay sculptures at SCAI! I saw a piece on you in their magazine last month!" She perked up, clearly in awe.

"Ah, it's no big deal. The Bathhouse is pretentious as shit anyway," he smiled, but Temari could tell he was enjoying the feminine fawning. "What do you do? Wait, let me guess – modelling, yeah?"

Temari fought the urge to roll her eyes. Although she didn't mind him as a client, Deidara, like most other city artists who had achieved a certain level of fame, was a total man-whore. Across the table, Gaara clenched his teaspoon a little more firmly.

"Ha. Ha." Sakura said sarcastically. "I'm actually just a home…" She paused, thinking about her meeting with Tsunade. "I work in the healthcare field."

"Oh wow, beauty and brains, yeah?" he winked.

Sakura couldn't help but smile. Yes, his lines were corny, but it had been years since she'd been flirted with. Since a man had looked at her with anything other than pity in their eyes, and after feeling like a lump with Gaara at his office, it made her feel surprisingly better.

"You're in perfect shape, too. Even after having such a cute kid. If Temari hadn't said anything I'd never believe you were a mom," he grinned at Sarada, who barely noticed in-between shoveling bites of banana and brownie into her mouth.

"Did you say you two were on your way somewhere?" Gaara interjected. He didn't like the attention Deidara was paying to Sakura, and even moreso, the way she seemed to be cluelessly eating it up. Temari could read the irritation written all over her brother's face. If she weren't with a client, she would have burst into a laughing fit.

"Yes, actually. I was just picking up something to go," she held up a small paper bag. "Deidara and I just finished up a meeting. He's on his way out," she explained.

"Then we shouldn't hold him up," Gaara insisted, gesturing towards the restaurant's front door. Deidara ignored the jab and shifted his positioning so that he faced Sakura head on.

"Oh right. It was nice meeting you," Sakura gave his hand a shake, but Deidara didn't let go.

"Hm, listen, it'd be a real shame not to see you again, yeah?" he reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card. "One of my sculptures is getting into Mori Museum tomorrow, so I'll be hanging with some friends at my place in Ginza. It'll be a big party. You should come, yeah?"

"I don't know…" Sakura looked at Sarada, who was obliviously polishing off the rest of her sundae. Then, she remembered Ino's words.

 _You need to loosen up and enjoy your life. Sarada's only upset because she knows you're upset too. You have to try and take your mind off it._

Sakura looked back down to her hand, where Deidara was still holding on. She took the card and released herself.

She was sure her mother would babysit for her for one night…

"You too, if you want." Deidara tilted his head towards Gaara as an afterthought.

Temari looked panicked, but kept her mouth shut. She was relieved, however, to see her little brother's scowl deepening at their interaction. Although Gaara didn't work on Deidara's account personally, the young man had quite the reputation around the office. He was typical new money trash with investments mostly in fine art, and a penchant for flirting with anything in a skirt. While he passed himself off as something of an artistic genius, Gaara was familiar with most of the gossip surrounding the blonde's penchant wild nightlife and more… _illicit_ party favors.

"I'm busy," he muttered, barely able to veil his disgust.

"Sure, I'll come." Sakura said right away, and both of the Sabaku siblings gaped at her nonchalant response. "It's been a long time since I've been out to a party."

"Awesome. Settled." Deidara clapped his hands together. "Shoot me a message and I'll text you the address, yeah? I'll make the party worth your while."

"Perfect," Sakura smiled and waved goodbye, oblivious to the stares from both Gaara and Temari.

"You know… that's classic Dei." Temari spoke up once he'd left. "Always trying to pick up a cute girl. Be a bit wary of him, you know."

"I hear he's very persistent with the women on staff as well," Gaara added.

"I wonder what his exhibition will be like." Sakura ignored Gaara and tried to change the subject. What did Gaara care what she did, anyway? He had miss brains and beauty to fawn over him at his office.

"You accepted that invitation quite quickly."

"Is that a problem?" Sakura turned over the business card in her hands. There was a small image of a bird in the corner, and then his name printed in crisp, gold lettering.

"I'm just surprised, that's all." Gaara was terse. He placed his Amex on the table and the waitress from before squeezed in to run the card as quickly as possible.

Temari, sensing the tension between them, quickly lifted Sarada from the booth. "How would you like to see something awesome from auntie Temari?"

"What? Yes!" Sarada barely glanced back at her mother before following the blonde outside.

"Well you shouldn't be," Sakura snapped back. "I'm not just a mom – I'm still a fun person, you know. I'm still a...a woman."

Gaara met Sakura's eyes. Looking at her then, taking in the rosy blush on her cheeks and the swell of her breasts against her top reminded him very much that she was a woman. But just the thought of her sharing that with someone like Deidara angered him.

"I'm not trying to say otherwise. I'm only saying that you've just met him. It doesn't seem wise." Gaara could feel his tone coming out less concerned and more critical than he'd intended.

"What exactly do you think I'm going there to do?" Sakura snapped. "Am I not allowed to have fun? Is it that I'm too old and fat?"

As she ranted, Gaara only grew more frustrated. _Where was this coming from all of a sudden?_ When had he ever made her feel less than? He wanted to tell her to snap out of it, but was conscious of wandering eyes. When Sakura caught him avoiding her gaze, the anger in her doubled over.

"You know Gaara, this is the second time you've done this. First, when Naruto invited me to dinner with you two, and now that someone's taking the time to invite me to a fucking party. You seem to think I'm not entitled to a life outside of the home."

"I've never said that," he tried to remain calm as the waitress handed him back his card, but could tell Sakura was on the brink of flying off the handle.

"You don't need to say it. It's written all over your face! You think just because you have some money you can control me? That I'm nothing?"

"All right, I think that's about enough," Gaara lowered his voice to a dangerous growl. "It's great that you've found your spirit all of a sudden, but after 8 years I think you're saying this shit to the wrong person," he snapped.

Sakura's face went white, then red, and Gaara immediately felt like kicking himself.

"Sakura, listen. I'm sorry. I didn't mean—

"—no. don't apologize for saying what you feel." Sakura wrung her hands together "It's good that you're honest."

"Listen...I don't know what's gone wrong all of a sudden," Gaara tried a gentler reproach, but Sakura backed away.

"Nothing. I'm an idiot." Flustered, she snatched up her purse from the booth. "I've always been a fucking idiot."

At the sudden movement, a small potted plant tumbled out from the top and onto the floor. Gaara recognized it immediately as a Mammillaria, the same type she'd brought him 8 years ago.

The sight of it took him back - back to the first time she'd shown up at the apartment in tears. Those days, Naruto often tried his best to comfort her with jokes and other childish distractions, but she peppered him with questions, desperate for any information about where her precious 'Sasuke-kun' could have gone.

Gaara took one look at her back then and was repulsed. They'd never met in person before, but across campus Sakura Haruno had a _reputation._ Top of her class and a complete braniac when it came to anything academic, but a total idiot with love.

It pissed him off to see someone he assumed had everything throwing it all away for a man who openly spent his time with a different girl every night of the week. Forced to work to put himself through university, with no family to go home to during breaks, Gaara had little sympathy for weakness in anyone, let alone those with potential.

But Naruto was the softhearted one. The one who let their apartment be a revolving door for her night after night, sometimes with weeks in between, and others several times in one day. Sakura barely seemed to sleep outside of naps on their couch, and every waking moment was devoted to worrying about the Uchiha. Then, one night she showed up on his doorstep in the rain holding a fluorescent pink umbrella and a large paper bag.

* * *

 **xxxOOOxxx**

 _As soon as the door opened, Sakura shut the umbrella and he shuffled close under the awning._

" _Naruto's not here." Gaara prepared to shut the door in her face, but she used the metal tip of her umbrella to hold it open._

" _I know," she said in a way that hinted she might want to punctuate her sentence the word 'asshole.' "I'm here for you."_

 _The concept of visitors was so foreign to Gaara, it was like she was speaking another language._

" _Look. I know I've been over here a lot lately," she continued when Gaara remained mute. "And I know it must be annoying and disruptive with your late schedule so… I just thought I'd bring you something. To say thanks. Or something"_

 _She offered up the gift, but Gaara made no move to take it. With a frustrated sigh, she leaned the umbrella against the wall and pulled the object from the bag._

 _It was a plump looking cactus in a large blue pot, with a ring of tiny pink flowers around its top. Gaara's eyes lit up._

" _Naruto told me you really like plants. And I saw all the prickly ones in the living room…"_

" _Cacti," Gaara corrected._

" _Right. Cacti." Sakura rolled her eyes. "Sorry."_

 _Gaara extended his arms and Sakura handed over the pot. For a moment, they stood there awkwardly, Sakura shivering and leaning in just enough to shield herself from the rain that blew in behind her. Finally something seemed to click in Gaara's head, and he took a step backward to open the door father._

" _Would you like to come in?"_

 _Sakura, though shocked, thought of the lonely, empty apartment next door and gave a firm nod. As soon as she stepped through the doorway, Gaara was off to place the cactus next to his others on the sill. Sakura watched him from the hall – the way he prodded gently at the soil, presumably checking its suitability and dampness levels. From the kitchen she could smell the scent of warm curry, and her stomach growled. She was on a 48 hour juice fast, and longed for solid food. Gaara looked up with a smirk she found both infuriating and attractive._

" _You're hungry?"_

 _Sakura's face lit up red. "No," she protested. "Did you hear me say I was hungry?"_

 _Gaara's gaze lingered on Sakura's too prominent collarbone, and her beanpole legs for a moment before reaching in his shirt pocket for a cigarette. He didn't understand women, and Sakura in particular proved more puzzling than most. He remembered her at the beginning of her freshman year. She did judo, and was captain of the women's team. Sometimes he would see her training with the upperclassmen, running laps around their complex. Her body was strong then, a mix of lean muscle and just the right amount of softness. Now she often seemed frail, in figure and spirit._

" _Whatever," he mumbled, and placed the cigarette between his lips. Without bothering to open the window, he lit up._

" _That's really terrible for you, you know." Sakura wrinkled her nose at the smell of the smoke. Gaara rolled his eyes, but smiled at the childish action._

" _I do a lot of things that are terrible for me," he replied. "Keeps life interesting."_

 **xxxOOOxxx**

* * *

It had crept up on him. The crush. The way Sakura had slowly changed towards him. Sitting closer while they talked, doing up her hair a little more, adding a bit of lipstick and blush to her usually pale face. She was pushy, but not as gruff. Still annoyingly opinionated, but smiling more often. Gaara wasn't sure how to feel about it, but he knew he'd changed too. He stopped smoking so much. Stopped adding a beer or glass of whisky with every meal to get himself to sleep at night. He'd become caught up in the thought of her, the smell of her, and each meeting brought with it an intimate rhythm that made it hard for him to concentrate on work or school or even anger.

He too began to get bolder – touching her elbow, the small of her back, sometimes leaning in just a bit too close when they talked. Human touch was something he'd been denied in childhood, but never known he'd missed. Not until her. Naruto once called it flirting, but to Gaara it felt too natural to be something that seemed so dirty. After all, the dirty things he kept to himself – in dreams that forced him awake at night with sheets gone damp and clinging to his thighs. He wanted to do things to her he didn't understand.

Night after night they would sit up and talk – chatting about school, medicine, accounting, food, cacti, and everything in between. But never _him_. That was one thing that always seemed to be off limits. But when Sakura cried while explaining which medical schools she wanted to apply to, or her eyes misted while listening to Gaara ramble about the hardiest flower arrangements for gifting, he knew exactly how much the Uchiha had hurt her. Not physically, to his knowledge, but the emotional scars were clear as day.

Gaara crouched down to pick up the potted plant, and admired it in his hands.

" _I'm not just Sarada's mom – I'm still a fun person, you know. I'm still a...a woman."_

He thought of the possible meaning behind her words, but just as he rose to full height again, Sakura turned on her heel and rushed out the front door.

"Come on Sarada, let's go," Sakura ushered her away from Temari, who was showing her an ornate wooden fan. "I'll see you another time, Temari."

"But moooom!" Sarada moaned, but didn't miss a beat, falling into quick step with her mother.

As soon as Gaara exited the restaurant, Temari was quick to smack him in the arm with her bag. "You dummy - can't you do anything right?"

Gaara flinched, but managed to keep himself from dropping the cactus. "Why is it that I'm the punching bag today?" He frowned.

"Don't you see what's going on with her?" Temari raised her bag to hit him again, but Gaara stepped out of the way. "Have you no empathy for women?"

"I tried with her," he snapped. "It was my idea that we have lunch, and now she's found someone else to humour her."

Temari's brows knitted with anger. "She isn't going to that party because she likes Deidara, you idiot. She's going because she wants to be seen as more than a human incubator. Can you imagine how shit it was with Sasuke? Do you really think he stuck around for her when she had to care for Sarada? Made her feel wanted? Like more than just a mommy?"

"We don't discuss those things," Gaara distracted himself by pushing a thumb against one of the cactus' spines.

They had always been his favourite; he didn't understand why people found them so troublesome. Cacti relied on their spines to protect them from predators. They were sharp and dangerous as a form of self-preservation, not maliciousness. A survival mechanism. It didn't mean they weren't beautiful or delicate.

"Well maybe you should consider how she might be feeling. I think you should make an effort to take her out somewhere. Just the two of you. That kind of attention from you could impact the way she thinks about herself. About you. And I think it could make you happy."

"You don't know anything about what would make me happy." Gaara pressed his thumb harder against the spine, drawing blood. "I tried to do this nice thing - I tried to take her for lunch, and here we are. She's a grown woman - I can't be responsible for her personal problems."

"Gaara..." Temari was shocked by her brother's sudden change in tone.

"You don't know anything about our relationship," Gaara snapped. "Not you, not Kankuro, not anyone. Sakura Haruno has always been trouble. Always-"

"Enough! You may be hard to read for other people, but it's so friggin' obvious to me. You would have never taken a break for work for anyone else but her. You would have never brought anyone home with you the way you did with her. You're nice, but goddamn it, you're not _that_ nice."

"You don't understand," Gaara sighed. "It's complicated."

"Oh please. That's lame garbage men say when they've fucked something up royally. So just spit it out already – What did you do to her?"

Gaara turned his face from hers. "Temari—

Raging, Temari pushed up on her tiptoes and grabbed her little brother by the lapels.

"What. Did. You. _Do_?"

* * *

 **AN:** Yes, Temari! Inquiring minds want to fucking know already! Hah, so this chapter gave a slightly more into the past with Gaara and Sakura but more is coming. Next chapter, much more Gaara and Sakura. Poor silly Sakura. Things just keep going up and down for her. But when someone wears you emotionally down for 8 years, it's hard to see things as they really are.


	6. Never Be the Same

**Chapter 6**

 _ **(Updated September 16th, 2018)**_

 **AN:** Super fucking long chpater! Sorry about that. I didn't get out what I wanted to get out here, so had to split it for chapter 7, where all will be laid bare. **A warning:** Part of this chapter has a bit of a disturbing theme to it. So a trigger warning for sexual assault. Apologies. Also, some trashy boy talk this chapter. Classic!

* * *

"What's wrong, Gaara? You seem weird." Naruto asked, slurping down a mouthful of noodles. Next to him, Sai and Shikamaru shielded their bowls from the spray.

Gaara rarely attended boy's night with his friends, but after his failed lunch with Sakura and his sister's inquisition he welcomed the mindless distraction of ramen and drinks at Suriya. Anything to keep from fixating on the thought of Sakura attending Deidara's party.

"Nothing. I'm fine." Gaara stabbed one of the gyoza next to his soup with a chopstick. "Just work stress."

"Lately it seems more like chick stress," Kankuro snorted.

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto piped up, eager for gossip.

"I heard she's going out to Deidara's party tonight," Shikamaru said, leaning his jaw on one hand. "Sounds troublesome."

Gaara gave his brother-in-law a sour look. Knowing Temari, she'd most likely threatened and coached her husband to press the subject at dinner for her own benefit.

"I wouldn't know about that," he said quickly.

"Who's Deidara?" Naruto paused in eating to look at Gaara.

"Deidara…" Sai looked up in sudden realization. "The fucking pedestrian sculptor? I went to boarding school with that asshole. Never shuts up about himself."

"What the fuck!" Kankuro slapped his forehead, as if remembering something. "This is the Deidara who regularly shows up to portfolio meetings high on benzos, right? The Deidara who leaks his own nudes on social media for the hell of it? The Deidara who has taped orgies in Ginza every weekend for the sake of his 'art'?"

"He also has a massive dick," Sai blurted. The men turned to look at him with surprise.

"What?" He shrugged. "I said it was boarding school."

"Disappointed you didn't get any action?" Kankuro added slyly.

Sai hurled a chopstick at his head. "Shut up, asshole."

Across the table, Gaara could see Naruto furiously typing something into his phone.

"Holy shit! You have to see this." Naruto exclaimed, holding up his phone. "Hinata would never in a million years let me—

"—don't show that to…" Gaara immediately looked away as Naruto played the video. A cacophony of pornographic yelps and moans filled the restaurant. The rest of the men leaned in, staring in shocked awe at the footage from one of Deidara's most recent parties.

"Shit. Is he really…" Even Shikamaru craned his neck for a better angle. "How is she even able to…?"

"Christ. So are you honestly saying you don't care if he does _that_ to her tonight?" Kankuro gestured to the movement on Naruto's phone. "Also…Sai wasn't lying about the dick. You might not want to let her get anywhere near that."

Instead of responding to the obvious bait, Gaara glared at the strips of beef his noodle bowl. He was very much dying for a cigarette.

"Seriously, Gaara. If she goes there, she's totally getting fucked," Kankuro tried again. "And to be honest, from what I've heard, _physically_ is probably the best thing she could hope for at one of his parties."

Gaara was troubled by that last line in particular. What was that supposed to mean?

"Wait what—

"Naruto!" A shrill girl's voice sounded off from behind Gaara. Matsuri came stomping up, red-faced. "Are you trying to shut down my restaurant? Turn that off in here! People are complaining!"

"Sorry Matsuri-chan…"Naruto quickly powered down his phone.

"Goodness Gaara…" the young woman sighed, heading back to the kitchen. "Your friends sometimes, I swear."

Suddenly consumed with the nauseating thought of Sakura and Deidara having sex, Gaara found himself unable to muster anything but an oddly vacant stare.

"Anyway, just checking that you're letting Sakura go to _that_ Deidara's house party?" Kankuro looked at his brother for some sort of reaction, but Gaara focused his attention on the bowl of pho in front of him.

"I'm not _letting_ her do anything. Sakura is an adult. It's not my business to tell her where she can and can't go," he huffed.

"What's up with you, man?" Naruto suddenly scowled. "This weird _'it's not my problem'_ act...You've been treating her differently since she came back to Tokyo. You guys used to get along so well."

"We're not kids anymore," Gaara snapped. "Things _are_ different."

"Different from when you were fucking her behind the Uchiha's back, you mean?" Kankuro took a swig of beer.

"Don't... say that. It's not true." Gaara clenched his fists together under the table. "I've never wanted anything to do with Sakura."

"Bull. Shit." Naruto slammed his chopsticks down. "I can't count the number of times I came home to see you guys cozied up on the balcony together."

"And? So I sat with her and listened to her whine, so what?" Gaara felt his anger building. "She needed a friend, but you were always so busy with Hinata that I had to pick up the slack. _Your_ slack."

"Are you kidding me?" Naruto put down his phone. The other men at the table fell silent.

Gaara knew he'd gone too far, but had to double down. "She was always coming by, crying and whining over Sasuke. _Your_ friend, remember? Your friend that you let treat her like-"

"Gaara, maybe we should all just..."

"You can shut up, you weren't around." Gaara silenced his older brother and directed his glare back to Naruto. "And when you weren't there I had to deal with it. I've always had to."

"They were both my friends.." Naruto kept his gaze down. "I didn't know what to do. I just thought...I thought he might change. That maybe if he saw the attention you paid to her he might..."

"She needed someone to care about her." Gaara cut him off. "It should have been you, not me."

"Gaara..."

"Seems like she still needs people to care about her," Shikamaru shrugged. "And whether there's something romantic there or not...whatever. You shouldn't let it get in the way of that."

Though Shikamaru rarely but into gossip and chat about anything romantic, Gaara constantly found himself irritated by his brother in law's knack for getting things spot on. The rest of the men fell silent, apart from Sai, who slurped loudly at his noodles.

"I have to get home." Gaara pulled a few bills from his wallet and tossed them on the table. Avoiding Naruto's gaze, he stood from the booth and left them behind.

 **xxOxOxOxx**

* * *

At home, it took Sakura ages to find something in her closet that actually fit, but finally she settled on a sequined mini dress that had run a little big for her during college. Now it was snug, and clung to hips and a bum that had bloomed with Sarada's birth.

"You look shiny," Sarada peeked in around the corner to watch her mother getting ready. "Where are you going?"

"Mama's going out to spend time with some friends," Sakura explained.

"Gaara?" Sarada looked excited. "Can I come too? I want to ask him about some more plants!"

Sakura tried hard to keep from frowning at the thought of the redhead. It was clear he'd left a lasting impression on her daughter.

"Not Gaara tonight. Some other friends. I'll be here when you wake up tomorrow so don't worry."

"Fine…" Sarada pouted briefly, but then seemed to remember something. "Inojin says there's tanabata festival tomorrow night. All the other kids are going. Can we go too?"

"Of course. That sounds like a great idea," Sakura smoothed her daughter's hair with a hand. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been out to a traditional summer festival with Sasuke or Sarada. Something so benign could definitely bring some normalcy to her life.

"We can go with grandma and pick out a nice summer yukata for you!" Sakura lifted her daughter with both arms. Sarada was getting bigger, and the lift was noticeably harder now. When she saw her face, she saw Sasuke. Even in the way she pouted and furrowed her brow.

Times like that, it was hard to stop thinking about him.

As if on cue, her phone buzzed on the table. Sakura expected another barrage of angry texts from Sasuke, but instead found Gaara's number on the notification screen. She opened the message.

 **Call me if you need help. Any time.**

Sakura stared at the lines. She'd expected Gaara to throw judgement out again and tell her not to go, but this was different. It was like something her father might have said – no judgement, just calm and caring. It affected her and annoyed her at the same time. Sakura didn't want to be wrong about this. She wanted to go out and have fun. She wanted to be someone else. Someone desirable.

 **I'll be just fine.**

She sent the message quickly and turned off her phone. Sakura was determined – she wouldn't think of Gaara tonight. It only held her back.

After a gentle chiding from her mother not to take drinks from strangers, Sakura took off for the city, and Deidara's house in Ginza.

As soon as she arrived, she knew it was an artist's lair. There were odd bird sculptures sticking out of the flowerbeds in the front yard, romantic water fixtures covered with splatters of paint, streams of what looked like bent steel and copper wire hanging from the balconies. Everything screamed madness. Passion. Anarchy. Art. As Sakura walked further up the drive she could hear the music blaring from inside – some sort of house mix with thudding bass. Sakura knocked on the door three times before anyone came to answer. Instead of Deidara however, she was met with a tall, rail thin woman with a white blonde bowl cut.

"Knocking? How very 90s sweetheart of you," she winked and waved her glass of champagne towards the darkened living area, gesturing for Sakura to step through. There was glitter and alcohol everywhere, and very little furniture. Everyone stood around chatting and laughing at what seemed to Sakura like nothing in particular.

She'd never been to a party like Deidara's, even in college. While her friends talked about their wild nights out, she was at home studying or waiting up for Sasuke. It pleased her to see people her age still out and having fun. And not drinking tea and watching movies kind of fun – loud music, skimpy clothing, and hard drinking kind of fun. It was foreign to her, but exciting.

"Well, if it isn't miss model, hn?" Deidara approached from behind, his voice a pleasing hum in her ear. When Sakura turned around, she found him standing close, holding a highball glass in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other. Half his hair was up in a messy ponytail, and the rest hanging over the side of his face. So close, she could really see his face, and the crystal blue of his eyes. Deidara really was handsome, and from his attitude, Sakura was definitely sure he knew it.

"You should get some new lines," she ribbed.

"Lines, you say? I've got plenty of them," Deidara slung his cigarette arm over Sakura's shoulder and gestured with his head to spot in the corner. In the dim lighting, Sakura could just barely make out the curved shapes of partygoers leaning over a glass table, inhaling something from its surface.

"Is that…" Sakura gaped. Deidara couldn't help but chuckle at the look of horror on her face.

"Don't worry about it, you don't have to do anything you don't want," he put out his cigarette in a bird shaped ashtray onto of the kitchen counter. "You do drink though, yeah?"

"A little," Sakura said, as Deidara led her to his wet bar. She was mesmerised by the bright white marble countertops, every inch of which was covered by top shelf bottles of spirits and mixers.

"Make her something, will you, Sasori?" Deidara waved lazily to a redhead standing beside the bar. Though a bit shorter, he reminded her vaguely of a young Gaara. If Gaara would ever be caught dead in a turtleneck and skinny jeans.

"I'm not your personal barman, asshole," he snapped, but then took a look at Sakura and the scowl on his lips morphed quickly into a smirk. "Oh. Sure."

Sakura watched as he rooted around underneath the counter for a moment before coming up with a fresh glass and a tall, black glass bottle.

"What is it?" she asked skeptically, pointing to the tinted bottle.

"Gin," Deidara answered before Sasori could open his mouth and give a sarcastic response. "I get access to lots of expensive brands. You've probably never heard of it."

Sakura felt vaguely insulted, but managed to force a smile. "Could you go heavy on the tonic?" She asked.

Sasori shrugged and poured a healthy amount of tonic water into the glass. When Sakura looked back at Deidara with a smile, he rubbed a segment of lime in a crushed powder and dropped it in. He handed over the glass and when she sipped was surprised to find it mild, if only a little bitter.

"Thanks," she lifted her glass with a smile. Sasori didn't return it.

"You know… I was surprised to see you with Gaara earlier, yeah…" Deidara tapped the rim of his glass with hers before taking a large swallow. "How do you guys know each other?"

"Oh…we're old friends," Sakura said vaguely, hoping the subject would be dropped.

"What kind of friends?" Deidara wrapped a hand around her waist and pulled her closer as Sasori squeezed past them, on his way outside, eyeing her up.

Normally, she would have been turned off by the overly forward gesture, but there something about the mix of possessive and caring that made her feel desirable, She hadn't felt that in ages. Out of all the slim and gorgeous women in his house that night, Deidara was choosing her to flirt with. And she didn't mind that at all. They fell back together against a couch in the corner of the room, away from the louder music in the kitchen.

"Like sex friends?" he continued, highly curious.

"It's nothing like that," Sakura was firm. "I haven't seen him since college. We were just catching up."

"Sure," Deidara shrugged. "I mean it's not like I care, yeah. It was just funny. He seems hugely uptight. I couldn't imagine someone as chill as you getting it on with him."

Sakura wasn't sure whether to be offended or flattered, so stuck to taking another sip of her drink.

When Sakura didn't respond, Deidara gave her a nudge in the ribs. "I'm not crazy here, am I? Put a lump of coal up his ass and I swear he'd probably shit diamonds, yeah?" he chuckled, and Sakura nearly spit up her drink.

"You like that, yeah?" He smirked at her. "I've got a million Gaara jokes."

Sakura laughed, but in honesty, didn't want to think about Gaara. She'd been bitchy to him for no reason, and in the end, he'd been right. The thoughts she was having, the feelings, they were about Sasuke, and it had been unfair of her to take it out on him.

Taking advantage of their closeness, Deidara let his hand wander from her hip down the side of her thigh. His fingers skated around the edge of her dress, lifting it slightly.

"So how does it feel to get a piece in Mori?" Sakura changed the subject. She covered his hand with hers to keep it from creeping any further up her leg. Getting the hint, he let it retreat back to the space between them on the couch.

"Ah, I've been talking about that shit all day - let's talk about you, yeah?" Deidara draped an arm around her shoulder. "What do you like doing?"

"I don't know," Sakura said without thinking.

"You don't know?" Deidara laughed. "What the fuck does that mean? How do you not know what you like to do?"

Sakura's cheeks lit up with blush. She was always concerned about how she related to other people her age, and in her mind, she'd quickly outed herself as little more than a dumb housewife. "I mean I guess I just haven't had much time to do extracurricular stuff for a while."

Deidara studied her face for a moment before breaking into a cheeky grin. "Well we can take care of that tonight, yeah?"

"Yeah, I bet we can," Sakura joked, and then covered her mouth with one hand. She hadn't meant to be so loose-lipped, but Deidara didn't seem to mind. He leaned in close again, and let his hand reclaim its place on her thigh.

"What do you say we go somewhere a bit more private?" he suggested, speaking close to hear ear. "It's crazy loud out here, don't you think?" Sober, Sakura would have refused, but halfway through her drink, she was beginning to feel a lightness that wasn't familiar to her. Alcohol usually made her feel more relaxed, but this was different. She felt slowed down, but at the same time, incredibly open.

All of a sudden, it was like a switch flipped in her brain, and it took all of her effort to keep her eyes open. Deidara slipped an arm around her waist and helped her to her feet.

"I feel weird," she said, but Deidara paid her no mind. "I think I need to lie down. Or some water."

Sakura could hear her own voice echoing in her head, and although she hadn't really wanted him to touch her, found Deidara's hands felt like warm silk on her skin.

"I'll get you something soon," he said close to hear ear again, causing her to shiver. "Don't worry."

Sakura leaned against Deidara for support as they crossed the room together, weaving through sweaty bodies and tables overloaded with drinks and contraband. She felt the music more acutely now, as if the bass was thudding up from her stomach into her teeth. What had felt warm at first was now incredibly overwhelming, and the medic in her knew that something was wrong.

"What was in my drink?" Sakura demanded, but it all came out in one slurred mumble.

"Gin," Deidara said, but it was offhanded, as if he wasn't paying attention. "I'll get you some water. Don't worry."

"Just stand there, okay?" Smiling, Deidara backed away towards a large chest of doors in the room. He opened them, and then fiddled for a moment with something on a shelf. Sakura could feel the warmth building inside her again, and although she could tell something was wrong, there was an increasing urge to just let it wash over her.

"I'm not kidding. You need to tell me." She stumbled forward, into his chest. "I don't do drugs. I could be having a reaction to—"

"Jesus Christ," Deidara snorted. "It's just molly. Relax and you'll be fine." His voice came close to her ear again. He turned her to face him, and all of a sudden, all Sakura could see was the icy blue clarity of his eyes.

"Your eyes are amazing," she blurted.

"That's not all that's amazing, I promise you," he smiled, and leaned in to press his lips against her neck. "Shit, I can't believe you've had a kid," Deidara pushed his hands underneath her dress until it was up above her hips, exposing her stomach, and the thin fabric of her panties.

Sakura tried to push it back down with her hands, but when Deidara let her go, she stumbled, and tumbled onto his bed. In her head she knew it wasn't at all funny, but suddenly she felt the urge to break into a fit of laughter.

"Careful," Deidara chuckled. "You're really accident prone, you know that?"

Sakura turned over onto her stomach, and crawled towards the edge of the bed. She wanted to push herself into a sitting position, but the sedated feeling was back again, and a stupid grin spread over her lips as she let her eyes flutter closed.

"Perfect position," she heard Deidara remark, and then the soft jingling of a belt coming undone. When she opened her eyes she could see Deidara approaching the bed, and a blur of naked flesh.

"That's huge," she blurted dumbly.

"I know," he smirked, and his hands found her shoulders again. "Now what do we say you put—

"—w-wait." Sakura tried to roll away from him, but again was slow to react. "I'm not-I don't want to do this."

"Relax," Deidara stroked her back. "I'll do everything. Just enjoy it."

Sakura tried to relax herself at first, to will back the warm calm so that she could think of a way to escape, but the panic wouldn't subside. Gaara was right. She didn't know anything about Deidara, and if she hadn't felt so damned insecure she wouldn't have been there in the first place.

"Tonight is going to be the best night of your life, sweetheart." He positioned himself over her on the bed. "I can't imagine mommies who lunch get to party like this too often."

Sakura felt the bed sink down around her, and then his hands tugging at her dress.

"Don't! Stop!" she protested, louder this time. "I said I don't want to!"

"Hey shut up already." Deidara tried to muffle her with her hand. "Someone's going to think—

"What's taking so long? Can I join now or what?" Sasori opened the door to the bedroom and then leaned lazily against the doorframe. His eyes ran quickly over Sakura's form. "Shit - nice ass."

"Jesus." Deidara sighed out in irritation. "Will you get over here and help me with her?"

Sasori moved into the room and Sakura's first instinct was to bolt.

"Get off me!" She screamed, and using every ounce of strength she could muster, Sakura kicked out from beneath the blonde until she struck flesh. The moment he cried out she made a beeline for the open door. Clearly not fussed about stopping her, Sasori hopped out of the way. Sakura continued out through the kitchen, the living room, and didn't stop running until she'd escaped into the cool night air. Breathing hard, she looked back over her shoulder, towards the house, and was relieved to see that no one had followed her.

"Shit." She dropped down to her knees in the flower beds and sat until the world stopped spinning and pulsing. "It's nothing," she whispered to herself. "You'll be fine. It's fine."

But it wasn't fine. She felt sick to her stomach, and frozen in the dirt. Sakura knew she had to call someone, but who? Her mother would chew her out if she knew, and coming home out of her mind on drugs would scare Sarada to death. Ino and Temari both had kids she didn't want to wake up…

Miserably, Sakura scrolled through her contacts until she found the one number that earlier in the night she'd told herself she wouldn't call.

"Gaara?" Sakura struggled to make her voice sound strong enough to be heard.

On the other line, Gaara was startled awake. He'd been up for hours thinking about Sakura, anxiously chain-smoking on the balcony. He hadn't had so much nicotine in ages, and that combined with his worry had made him unusually jittery. He had only just laid down on the couch for a short nap when the phone rang.

"Sakura? What's going on?" He tried to stay calm, but there was something in the sound of her voice he didn't like.

"I'm really…" Sakura attempted to swallow down the cottony feeling in her throat. "It's Deidara. He gave me some— He tried to—I can't…"

"Gave you what?" Gaara's voice went up in volume. "Are you hurt?"

"It's hard for me to…" Sakura struggled to complete her sentence. "I'm okay, I think I'm just freaking out."

"Where are you?" Gaara demanded, desperate for information.

"Ginza."

"No, I mean…" Gaara sighed, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. He could tell getting any information out of Sakura in her state would be futile. "Hold on – I'm requesting your location. Drop a pin."

Sakura waited until a message on her phone came through and then tapped on the notification. She could hear Gaara sigh audibly over the line.

"I'll be there in 15 minutes. Max. Don't go anywhere with anyone and don't go back inside."

Sakura nodded as if he could hear her through the phone.

"Sakura? Do you hear me?" he demanded.

"Yes. Yes," Sakura moved further from the house and took a seat on the concrete. When Gaara's car finally screeched into the driveway, Sakura was sitting outside on the pavement, her head in her hands.

"Sakura?" He crouched to look at her face. He was relieved to see that she was unbruised, her dress rumpled, but still in place. Still, her eyes were glassy, and her lipstick smeared across her mouth. Just as he started to help her to her feet, a familiar blonde stumbled out of the house, laughing.

"There you are! Finally! You're not leaving, are you?"

Gaara could tell right away that Deidara was high on something, but didn't even want to begin to push the subject until he was sure Sakura was safe.

"She's clearly out of her mind on whatever you gave her." Gaara shifted Sakura's arm around his shoulder. "I'm handling this now."

"Oh come on, we were having a blast earlier weren't we, Sakura? I can get her some water and we'll just cool off a bit. Stay, even. Once she calms down I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you joined in…yeah?" The blonde trailed off, looking at Sakura's wobbly form, and Gaara could tell there was a hint at something dark in the suggestion.

Gaara gave him a dangerous look.

"She's going home now," he insisted. "Period."

"Whatever," Deidara pulled a Zippo from his pocket and lit up. "You both are boring as shit!"

Gaara helped Sakura into the passenger seat and gently buckled her up. She was conscious, but her limbs like noodles. He grabbed a jacket from the backseat and draped it over her bare shoulders.

" _What were you thinking?"_ Gaara wanted to snap at her once he got in the driver's seat, but instead he looked at her seriously, unsure of how to broach the next question. "Did he…did he do anything to you? Should we go to the hospital… the police?"

"I…"

There was a pause in which Sakura took a slow breath in, and Gaara mentally primed himself to storm back outside and commit a homicide.

"No. No, it didn't get that far. He was trying to have sex with me but…you know I used to do Judo."

Gaara studied her face for a moment and despite the weak smile there, the way her hands trembled as she forced the words out. Livid, he got out of the car and slammed the door behind him.

Deidara was heading back inside when Gaara grabbed him the collar and threw him to the ground.

"Gaara!" Sakura screamed at the sight of Deidara hitting the pavement.

"What the fuck!" The blonde spat out his cigarette and put his arms up to keep Gaara from coming at him again.

"You worthless piece of shit." Gaara grabbed him back up and resisted the urge to slam his head into one of the bird sculptures on the pavement.

"What did that bitch tell you?" Deidara struggled to wrench away. "I didn't do anything she wasn't begging for, yeah!"

"Shut up!" Gaara shook Deidara hard, and then dragged him into the flowerbeds, where he pushed his face into the dirt. "You're done," he hissed next to his ear. "With me, with my sister, with my company, and especially with her. I don't want to ever see your fucking face again. Do you hear me?!"

Deidara's response was muffled in the dirt, but when Gaara lifted him up, he spat sand and soil into the air.

"Do you hear me?!"

"Fuck! Yes! Whatever!" He tried to pull away, but only when Gaara let go of his shirt collar was the blonde able to scramble to his feet.

"Fucking prick," Gaara heard Deidara mutter, but paid it no mind. Without a word, Gaara brushed the dirt from his shirtsleeves and unlocked the door. After giving Sakura a quick glance, he put the car into drive.

Stunned by the violent reaction, Sakura was silent for the remainder of the ride. Gaara drove slowly, with his jaw clenched, and she didn't dare think to say anything about the situation. Something about the long, slow drive lulled Sakura back into her drowsy state. When she opened her eyes again, they were at his apartment complex. She felt less hazy, and warmer.

"I'm glad you called me," Gaara finally spoke again when he turned off the engine. "I'm sorry if the way I reacted back there scared you. I lost my temper."

"No. It's okay." She hugged the jacket tight over her shoulders. "I'm so glad you came."

"Of course I did," Gaara said firmly, and then sighed out. "We've known each other a long time, Sakura. I never want to see you hurt. What I said before wasn't because I thought you don't deserve to have fun. It was because I was worried for you. I'm always...worried about you."

Sakura took in his words but suddenly felt a stabbing of something in her heart. She didn't know how to respond. "I'm feeling okay now. It's okay," she mumbled.

Gaara wanted to say it was most definitely not okay, but decided to leave it and focus on helping Sakura inside. Although she'd regained some strength, she was quite wobbly on her feet.

"I don't know what I was thinking," she staggered in the front door and dropped down on the couch. "I don't know why I thought I had to go there and impress him."

Gaara kept quiet because quite frankly, he didn't know either. Part of him was unbelievably pissed with her. Why would she waste her time with men like Sasuke and Deidara? Why did she do this to herself when she was so much better them both?

"It's just been so lonely…" she rambled on, tipping herself into a slumped position against the arm of his couch. "I'm always so..."

Gaara went to the fridge and poured a glass of water for her. Then, grabbed a lined waste-basket, just in case.

"I don't know if it was the drugs but when he touched me at first I just felt…amazing." She hung her head as she spoke. Gaara paused in setting the basket down beside the couch. The thought of Deidara touching Sakura made him livid, but he tried not to let it read on his face. Of course he understood. He wasn't as emotionally stupid as Temari or Kankuro thought him to be. Of course he'd felt alone before, and though he tried to be rational about feelings and desires, sometimes there was no substitute for the intimacy that came from human touch.

Sakura rambled on. "It's just been such a long time since someone touched me like that. Since Sasuke and I even had…"

She stopped, mortified at what she'd been about to say out loud. But although she managed to hush herself, Gaara was quick to fill in the blanks. Although something selfish in him wanted to feel glad at the thought of Sasuke and Sakura no longer being sexual, seeing how much it affected Sakura made him sad. As dull and unpredictable as it often was, he'd at least been able to indulge in intimacy with whatever woman he wanted over the years.

"Hey," Gaara put the glass of water in her hands. "Drink this."

Sakura downed the glass in three large swallows and let it drop onto the carpet. Her gaze was glassy and focused on the wall.

"How pathetic is it that your own husband would rather fuck anyone else but you?" Sakura clutched one of Gaara's couch cushions to her chest. She'd clearly given up on being modest about the situation.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." She pulled her arms around herself, breathing deeply. "I feel like I'm having a panic attack."

Her gaze was fixed on somewhere past him, and Gaara felt a bit of worry. Immediately, he stepped back and placed a call to the only person he could think of with any experience dealing with similar situations.

"Hey. You used to do drugs in college, right?" As soon as he heard the line open, Gaara didn't wait for Kankuro to even muster a sleepy response.

His brother breathed a heavy sigh. "Gaara it's fucking 3am. I can introduce you to a dealer at a normal hour."

"I don't want drugs," he snapped back. "It's Sakura. She's—

"—Sakura?" Kankuro suddenly sounded awake. "She's at your place? Jesus, finally. Wait – _she_ wants drugs?"

"Kankuro, enough. She went to Deidara's tonight and he gave her something."

"MDMA," Sakura moaned from the couch.

"MDMA. She doesn't look well."

"MDMA?" Kankuro laughed aloud. "No one has a bad roll on molly! How long has it been? She should be feeling on top of the world right now."

Gaara looked back to Sakura, who was staring emptily at the floor, trying to slow her breathing.

"An hour, maybe? She said she feels like she's having a panic attack."

"She's thinking too much," Kankuro said. "Shit with Deidara along with everything else probably made her anxious and she's fixating on it. You just have to try and calm her down. Get her a blanket or some of that shitty girly tea you like and make it comfortable. Say nice things. She'll get warm and happy and…well…basically just enjoy it as much as you can."

"Enjoy what?" Gaara was genuinely confused.

Kankuro chuckled to himself. "You'll figure it out. Call me at a decent hour next time."

Gaara tried to say something else, but was answered by the dial tone.

"I'm such a moron." Sakura's hands continued to quiver as she held herself. Gaara crossed the living room to rejoin her near the couch.

"Sakura, there's nothing wrong with you. You know that. Sasuke's always been the one with the problem."

Sakura rubbed at her eyes to clear the tears, but seemed unmoved.

Gaara went back to the kitchen and started the kettle, hearing Kankuro's voice again in his head.

Meanwhile, Sakura curled herself on the couch, sinking back against the pillows. The dizzying feeling of whatever alcohol had been in the drinks was wearing off, and was now replaced with a soft, fuzzy blanketing of her mind.

"You're intelligent and strong-minded. That's always intimidated him," Gaara continued as he poured hot water into a mug with a ginger and lemon teabag. When he brought it over to Sakura, her eyes lit up.

"You're so nice," she beamed up at him, and covered his hands with hers. Gaara was pleased to see her smile.

"Feeling a little better?" he asked, smoothing a few strands of hair from her face with his fingertips. It had been meant as a platonic touch, but it sent a shiver up Sakura's spine.

"A lot." She leaned into the warmth of his hand for a moment before pulling back. "You've become such a good man," she said suddenly.

Gaara wasn't sure how to respond at first, until he remembered Kankuro again. ' _She must be feeling happy. I should say more nice things.'_

"You're a good woman, Sakura." He crouched beside her near the couch. "And a wonderful mother. Sarada's come out so well because of you."

"Sarada…" Sakura's smile grew brighter. "I love her so much. I wonder if she'd be ashamed of me after tonight," She furrowed her brow. "And Sasuke. Sasuke he definitely would."

"Don't think about him," Gaara insisted. "Think about things that make you happy. Sarada, your mother, your friends…"

"You," Sakura said. In the back of her mind she'd wanted to keep it to herself, but suddenly everything just felt so comfortable and lovely. She wanted him to know. He made her happy.

Gaara was startled to hear the words.

When Gaara was younger, he'd never done well with the opposite sex – _to say the least._ He found girls beautiful and not so beautiful, but never considered them worth the time or trouble to approach. They thought he was callous and " _creepy_ ," and Gaara didn't care much about dispelling the rumors. After all, as his father had told him daily while growing up, he was nothing more than a little monster. And what kind of woman would want to deal with a monster? Sakura was the first woman who spoke to him plainly. Without fear. And that alone was enough to spark his interest.

While Gaara knew Sakura showing up at their apartment always meant something had gone wrong, after a while he began to look forward to their meetings. He would come in late from the library or a freelance job and seeing her waiting up on the couch, eating his leftovers or watching some girly drama in the dark. He felt calmer then, because at least he knew she was safe. The nights she wasn't there - the nights when through the thin walls he could hear Sasuke screaming at her or worse, _fucking her_ \- made him sick.

And though she'd bitch and whine and nag him about how he should smile more often and start smoking less, there were always the soft moments. The days she'd bring Tupperware filled to the brim with sugar-free baked goods and he would manage to convince her to ignore the calorie count and indulge with him. Negative feelings never lasted long between them.

Naruto would tease him and say they acted like an old married couple, but Gaara never really understood that. Even at 21, he couldn't fathom marrying Sakura. After all, he _liked_ her. And in his limited view, marriage meant sex and sex meant children and children… they meant death.

Yet there she was, on his couch, 8 years later. She'd had Sasuke's child, and unlike his mother, she'd survived it. Everything else, however…not so much.

"You're staring," Sakura smiled at him. She tried to reach forward and touch his face, but Gaara moved just out of her reach.

"Sorry," he shook his head. "I was just thinking."

"You think too much," she giggled. "You always have."

Gaara didn't know how to respond, but Sakura was suddenly keen on filling every silence.

"The things you said before – the strong mind and intelligence stuff. It seems wrong," she bit her lower lip. "It's all about what you look like with men, isn't it? It's about whether or not they desire you."

"Desire isn't just about looks, Sakura." Gaara pulled a blanket from a shelf above his media console and bent down to wrap it around her shoulders. "Confidence, speaking your mind, kindness… To a mature man, all of that is attractive."

"Is that why you like Shijima?" Sakura asked suddenly. Gaara was taken aback by the question, and when she covered his hands with hers, let go of the sheet.

"I don't…" he started, and then took a slow breath out. "Shijima and I are colleagues. It's a different dynamic."

"But you've slept with her, haven't you?" Sakura's tone was a little less slurred, but from the glazed, sluggish way her eyes searched his face, Gaara could tell she was still quite out of it. "You must have…right?"

"I should get you some more water. Or tea." He started to push up from the couch, but Sakura reached out and grabbed for the first thing nearest to her – the edge of Gaara's belt. He sat down next to her to keep her from attempting to pull it free.

"Is it really so attractive to you?" She pressed. "All those things… confidence…the others."

While Gaara was glad she'd dropped the Shijima angle and her demeanor was far more relaxed, he felt himself sinking into something dangerous. The way she bit her lip, the way she hung on to his belt, he could tell it wasn't good. He only vaguely remembered things Kankuro had told him about his party days in college, and the so-called 'love drug.' The sudden rush of euphoria, the feelings of love and happiness. Sakura's initial panic seemed to have worn off, but now Gaara was acutely aware of how eager she seemed to be to touch him.

"Of course it is," he worked to gently unclasp her hand from his belt loops. "And to most other men as well."

"But what about sexy?" Her voice was softer this time. "Do you find it sexy too?"

Gaara knew it wasn't in his best interest to answer, but when he didn't, Sakura pushed up onto her knees and arched her body over his.

"Gaara?" She looked down and took his face in her hands. Stunned, he froze, and she slid one knee between his parted thighs.

Sakura hadn't been so close to Gaara in so long. She liked the way his face had changed, become more contoured with age and maturity. But still, some things, like the calm intensity of his eyes was the same as she remembered from school. The panicked feeling she'd felt with Deidara was gone, replaced with a warm peace that made her want to just sink into his body completely. Maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was something else, but suddenly she didn't mind at all.

"Sakura, this isn't comfortable for me. You have to move." Gaara lied in an attempt to stop her from taking things any further. In all honesty, it was _too comfortable_ for him, and as soon as Sakura dared to straddle his waist, all rational thought was quickly going out the window.

"Is this better?" She teased, still hovering just over his bent knees. "Or maybe you should lie on top and we could cuddle?"

Instead of responding to the brazen suggestion, Gaara's hands gravitated to her hips, guiding her to sit completely in his lap. He told himself it was to keep her from tipping over, but the firm pressure of her body weight between his legs was like heaven.

"That's really nice," she murmured, looking down at him through half-lidded eyes. Even with her mouth smudged red with lipstick and her hair in a wild, frizzy state, he was hooked. Gaara didn't understand how Sasuke could possibly take one look at her and deny himself. He drew a hand up the small of Sakura's back, tracing from the curve of her spine up to the top of her shoulder blades. Sakura sighed out in a way that he'd never heard before. As if he was doing something sinful.

"That's really, really nice," she said again, this time in the form of a soft moan against his ear. "Do I make you feel nice too?" Sakura began to rake her fingernails across his scalp. It mussed his hair, and exposed the sharp red lines of the tattoo on his forehead. She pressed her lips there, and then the tip of her tongue.

' _Fuck.'_ Gaara wanted more than anything to grab her harder, be firmer, and let her know in a thousand inappropriate ways that she absolutely did make him feel incredibly fucking nice, but the moment her tongue touched his skin it was too much. _This isn't her_ , he tried to tell himself. _She's high. She wouldn't do this if she wasn't high._

"Okay Sakura, that's enough." Gaara's weak admonishment came out as more of a groan than a command. "I think whatever Deidara gave you is…"

"Do you want to fuck me?" She pulled the edge of his shirt free from his waistband, and slid her hand beneath the gap. His skin was searing hot against her cool touch. "We can do that. We should do that."

' _Fucking shit.'_

She pushed her hips down against his, and suddenly Gaara felt very angry at the amount of clothing between them. He looked past her in an attempt to ground himself, but could see their images reflected on the mirrored black surface of the glass encasing his sound system. His hands on her slim waist, the way her dress bunched up around her hips and exposed the peach-like curve of her bottom.

' _Shit. Shit. Shit.'_

Still, the word 'fuck' sounded too harsh for what Gaara wanted to do to her. It was more complicated than that. He was irritated by what she went through with Sasuke. He wanted her to know what it felt like when someone truly desired you, and for her to never doubt for a minute that she was anything other than pure sex.

It certainly wasn't the first time Gaara had felt so intensely about her, but he'd managed to force those memories down for years.

The first time he'd seen her as more than an annoyance.

The first time he'd said something kind to her.

The first time he'd kissed her.

* * *

 _It was another muggy summer evening, and though Gaara had taken to smoking on the balcony to keep Sakura from complaining, the apartment still managed to reek of cigarettes and ramen. He'd been furiously chewing nicotine gum while working on a report in his room when he heard the front door open. He could tell from the sound of the soft footsteps that it was Sakura, but instead of flopping down on the couch the way she did before they became close, she barged straight into his room._

' _She looks incredible,' he thought as soon as he saw her. Sakura was wearing the kind of dress he'd never thought someone as level-headed and unassuming as her would even look twice at, let alone own. Thin, shimmery straps, almost sheer fabric glued to her body and curves he had no idea she possessed. Her hair was loose and curled, tumbling over her shoulders in soft pink spirals._

 _From the way she clung to the doorframe, he could tell she'd been through a few glasses of something, but seemed to have enough sensibility to somehow find her way back home. Gaara knew it was a big night for her. The campus social groups had been advertising the end of year dance for months, and it was all he would hear about from Sakura whenever she visited lately. This was her chance to go out with him in public. To break out of the angst of their apartment and show Sasuke off to the hundreds of other girls he'd likely slept with only nights before. To make a show of dominance she would never have in their relationship. But of course Gaara wouldn't be caught dead there, and from the look of grief on Sakura's face, apparently neither would Sasuke._

" _Why do I do this to myself?" she asked him. Gaara hid the rest of his gum in the pocket of his sweatpants and watched Sakura stagger in towards his bed._

" _I honestly don't know," he said seriously. "You could be anything you want to be, Sakura. Do anything you want to do."_

" _What do you want me to be?" Sakura pushed off the doorframe and took two slow, juddering steps into the bedroom. "Tell me what I should do. What can I change?"_

 _She flopped down on the edge of his bed and Gaara felt a strange air settle in the room. Even in the rare moments when they'd been in his room together, it was usually on his balcony. Sometimes on the floor. Never on the bed. All of a sudden he was mindful that it was just the two of them in the apartment._

" _Nothing. I like you just the way you are," He said bluntly. Sakura, tipsy, broke out into a tiny fit of giggles._

" _Okay, Mr. Darcy," she teased, and rolled onto her back. Her hair splayed out over the blood red sheets, and across his knees._

 _Gaara stared at her in confusion as the reference had clearly gone over his head. "Don't laugh at me," he snapped._

" _I'm sorry," she said, but it came out as another giggle. "It was just so…" Gaara tried to frown, but there was something about her smile that was annoyingly contagious. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep her from dragging one out of him. Sakura reached across the small space between us and covered his hand with hers._

" _Thank you. For always being nice," she said sincerely. "I mean it. You know, sometimes I wish…"_

 _She didn't finish._

 _What? Wish what? Gaara wanted her to continue, but Sakura's eyelids were drooping sleepily. He growled to himself. Gaara didn't like this side of himself when it came to her. The part of him that hung on her every word, desperate for some sort of compliment or word of kindness. He hadn't felt that way since he was a child._

" _I'm not nice," he said suddenly._

" _No?" Sakura's eyes fluttered back open, and she pulled herself up into a sitting position on the bed._

" _No," Gaara frowned. "Haven't you heard? I'm creepy."_

" _Is that so?" Sakura grabbed hold of his shirt collar. "Then kiss me, creep." she dared._

 _Gaara was so shocked by the declaration he swallowed his gum. "What?"_

" _See? You're way too nice to even—" She started, but Gaara didn't give her a chance to finish. She wouldn't get to do this to him. She wouldn't put the suggestion of something more out there and then snatched back like a coward. He'd never known Sakura to be a coward, and he sure as hell wasn't._

 _Sakura's lips fit his perfectly. She tasted strongly of Sambuca, and though Gaara never had much of a taste for the drink, couldn't resist indulging. His hand moved into her hair, the other holding her firm against the mattress. He'd never kissed anyone before, never really thought about it, but with her it felt like something he'd known how to do all his life._

" _You taste like cigarettes…" Sakura looked up at him drowsily, her cheeks rosy._

' _It's Nicorette,' he was tempted to counter, but instead of speaking, he traced a thumb over her bottom lip, hovering a little over the redness from where he'd pressed his teeth just a little too firmly._

" _You're too good for him," he said, and there was so much force behind it that Sakura's eyes welled. "Do you hear me?"_

 _She gripped hard to his forearms with both hands. No man had ever looked at her with such intensity before – not even Sasuke._

" _He needs help. And you can't help him." Gaara leaned in again, keenly aware that what he was saying most definitely applied to him as well. But as true as it was, he didn't want to deal with it. Sakura was there, and she was indulging him in a fantasy he never knew he'd had._

" _Gaara you…"_

" _Do you hear me?" he demanded._

 _Sakura nodded._

 _"You look so..." he started, but Sakura shook her head 'no.'_

 _"Don't." This time she leaned in, eagerly parting her lips to let his tongue touch hers. Gaara shifted her on the bed ungracefully - as if he were positioning a sack of flour – and kicked his finance books to the side so that their bodies were in line. Her leg came up to wrap around his waist and all of a sudden it felt hot. Too hot._

 _Sakura's hands worked their way under his shirt, and Gaara's mind went wild with thoughts._

' _What were they doing? What did this mean? Would they sleep together? Would she be his girlfriend? What about Sasuke? Did he even have a condom?'_

 _This kind of touch was foreign to him – raw, intense. He suddenly wanted to feel more of her – to taste and touch absolutely everything that made Sakura…Sakura. He was hard and everything about her felt so warm, so soft._

 _Just as Gaara pulled at the straps of Sakura's dress and she hooked her fingers under the waistband of his sweatpants, the sound of the front door slamming shut echoed loud in the tiny apartment._

" _Gaaaaraaaaaa! I'm wasted and staaaaaaaaaarving! Let's order takeout!" Naruto's footsteps came stomping quickly down the hall._

 _As if someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over them, Sakura and Gaara pushed away from each other, lightning fast. Sakura jumped down from the bed, stumbling into Naruto as he rounded the corner._

" _Oh, Sakura-chan," Naruto caught her with both hands. From the rosiness of his cheeks, Gaara could tell he was three sheets to the wind, and oblivious to the tension between them. "Didn't know you were here too."_

" _I left early. Sasuke didn't meet me like he said he would," Sakura replied fast, her words slurring together under the influence of alcohol._

" _He showed up later. As I was leaving." Naruto tried to reassure her, unaware of the scowl on Gaara's face. "Guess he got busy."_

 _Sakura's face suddenly took on an expression of guilt. Gaara stared at her intensely, willing her to look at him, but she wouldn't turn back to meet his gaze._

" _I should meet him," she said quickly, trying not to cry. "I shouldn't have come here."_

" _Sakura-chan, it's fine," Naruto took her hand. "He'll get over it. You know you're welcome here any t—_

" _I shouldn't have fucking come here."_

 _Without warning, Sakura tugged away violently and rushed out the front door, leaving them both to stare at her back._

* * *

Suddenly feeling far too hot, Gaara pushed away the thought of any consequences and wove his fingers into the back of Sakura's hair. She made no complaint of harshness when he pulled her face to his. Her lips parted, and once he'd started, it was too good to stop. He'd forgotten how good kissing her felt. Her lips, her neck, her throat. Lost in the overwhelming sensation of his touch, Sakura could only respond with soft mewls and moans of approval. Her body was on fire, and all she could think about was feeling more. More and more and more. Her hips made slow circles in his lap, driving the hardness of him into her center.

"Gaara please," she moaned, and as quickly as the satisfaction came for Gaara, it went.

The more he kissed her, the more he tasted alcohol. The more she reacted with frantic touches and gasps, the more he was conscious of her drug-induced state. What was happening wasn't real – it was _wrong._ She was in a helpless state, and there he was, taking advantage. Was he really any better than Deidara? Had he even managed to mature past college-aged lust?

Suddenly he remember Temari's angry questioning from that afternoon. _'What. Did. You. Do?'_ He'd refused to answer her then, but now the answer was confronting him squarely in the face.

It wasn't until Gaara felt her hands tugging frantically at his belt that he was snapped back to reality. If she went any further, he was sure he'd be unable to control himself, and she'd only regret it in the morning.

"Sakura wait - stop." He pushed her aside on the couch and scrambled to right himself as the belt came undone. "We can't do this. You're not okay right now."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Sakura tried to keep herself upright on her knees but woozily slid down onto her back again.

Gaara had to force himself not to look at her as he redid his shirt and adjusted himself in his slacks.

"Sasuke won't find out," Sakura leaned up drowsily, clearly in another world. "Naruto's not home, remember? He's at the dance with Hinata. We can do it before he comes back."

"Sakura…" Gaara struggled to look at her face and the way she seemed to be lost in an old memory.

It was happening all over again. Why did he keep doing this to her?

Gaara tried to pull away, but Sakura rose and stumbled forward into his chest.

"Gaara don't leave me." She gripped his shirt with both hands. "Please. Don't leave me again."

* * *

 **AN:**

Thanks to my guest reviewer who talked a bit about the expectations of the fandoms. It was really good perspective I've glossed over as I've been writing more AU fiction or original stories. I totally forget how it is sometimes to just want to see your favourite ship characters get together in a way that directly reminds you of the show. Both universes have the place, and I think it would be nice to do a more true to the Naruto-verse GaaraxSakura fic soon. Stay tuned! I'm definitely trying to be less defensive about my writing in order to grow, so don't be afraid to share constructive criticism. :-)


	7. Half Moon

**Chapter 7**

 _ **(Updated September 16th, 2018)**_

 **AN:** It's the new year and we're back in business! Yass! Hope you enjoy the update. :)

* * *

"The awards dinner is tomorrow night. I trust you've both made the necessary arrangements to arrive on time?" Rasa asked, looking out over the boardroom style desk at his two best consultants. He'd ordered them in out of the blue on a Sunday morning, and as usual, they came running.

"I've made my own arrangements. Gaara and I will be attending separately," Shijima was quick with her response. Gaara, thoughts elsewhere, barely managed to look up from his notebook.

"Is there an issue?" Rasa asked.

"No issue," Gaara mumbled. Frankly, he didn't understand why his father gave a shit – the dinner was just a way for the company to show off their achievements to other banks and consulting firms – it had nothing to do with them personally. Still, Shijima looked embarrassed.

"No sir," she said. "Mori from financial planning made an offer to take me and I thought it would be best."

She gave Gaara a sidelong glance, as if judging his reaction. When there was none, she turned her attention to her hands with a frown.

"Fine," Rasa nodded at her. "Excuse us, Shijima."

Shijima quickly exited the office, leaving father and son alone together at opposite ends of the table.

"Do you have a problem?" Rasa asked. Gaara could barely muster a frown. After the night before he felt lifeless, and was sure it reflected in his eyes.

"Problem?" he echoed.

"You're 29 – almost 30," Rasa snapped. "Do you realize that at your age I'd already had Temari and Kankuro was on the way?"

" _Sorry?_ " Gaara was stunned by the sharp divergence in topic.

Rasa folded his hands on the tabletop, as if preparing to give an important presentation. "Shijima is a good woman. Your intelligence and abilities are highly matched. You should be making strides to court her. To start a family."

Gaara didn't know whether to be pleased by the half-compliment or offended at his father's audacity to even play around at being matchmaker.

He stared at Rasa in disbelief. "You think you have the right to have this sort of conversation with me?"

Rasa was tight lipped.

"When it comes to family…" Gaara scoffed at the man before him. "I don't even think you know the meaning of the word."

Rasa stared at his son for a long while before standing. Instead of turning to leave immediately, he took a step closer.

"Your efforts for the company haven't gone unnoticed," he said stiffly. "You've made a lot of sacrifices and come a long way."

' _No thanks to you,'_ Gaara wanted to snarl, but instead kept his gaze down on the desk.

"Karura would be proud," he added.

Gaara's head snapped up. She was definitely on the list of things they didn't discuss. Karura. His mother. Gaara felt an ache in his chest at the sound of her name. Even from Rasa, it sounded like velvet on his ears.

"You—

He started, but Rasa stood suddenly and made a hasty exit.

As soon as the door shut behind him, Gaara leaned forward and pressed his face into his hands. Normally, he wouldn't have dreamed of being so confrontational with Rasa. When it came to his father, Gaara preferred to keep his head down and treat him as just another pushy stakeholder, but after a hard night, he couldn't focus on keeping his cool.

' _Karura would be proud.'_

Gaara chuckled bitterly at the thought. When was the last time he'd gone to visit her grave, anyway? He couldn't remember. He gave his watch a glance – it was noon. He'd skip lunch and take a trip.

After a stop at an upscale flower shop, Gaara found himself away from the hustle and bustle of Tokyo streets to the family's grave plot, and the shrine to his mother.

Gaara stared grimly at the ornate, marble headstone. There was a small potted cactus from his last visit, a bouquet of withered roses from either Temari or Kankuro, and between them, a plate of fresh persimmons. His siblings were usually quite predictable with their flower and choices, and Gaara could only assume the fruit was from his father. He'd never seen it before – never seen him there before – but for some reason, just the sight of it made him irrationally angry.

' _You should be making strides to court her. To start a family.'_

Gaara clenched hard at the bouquet of succulents in his hand. Growing up, his father had always been the one to discourage him from making personal relationships. Even after he'd started work for the firm, he'd been against any sort of extracurricular fraternization in favor of meeting deadlines and overtime. It was why despite the fact that even though it was a Sunday, there he'd been, in full suit and tie at a pitiful meeting most likely only meant to shame him.

Gaara placed a hand on top of the cool marble headstone and sighed.

29 years had gone since his mother had passed, and yet visiting her grave never got any easier. He tightened up his grip around the bouquet of succulents in his hands and struggled not to make a display of emotion. It was always hard when it came to his mother, but hat afternoon he felt particularly grim.

After fighting off attempts from Gaara to move her into the spare room the night before, Sakura had cried herself to sleep on his couch, only to be gone without a trace in the early hours of the morning. As soon as he saw the folded blanket and her shoes missing from the entryway, Gaara was consumed with guilt. Something like that was usually a foreign feeling to him, but just like 8 years ago, he hadn't been able to control himself with her, and could only imagine what she thought. The tension and the tears… it just made things clearer – the closer they became, the more he would hurt her.

"Haven't seen you here in a while." A warm voice startled Gaara out of his grief. Behind him, Temari stood holding a bouquet of fresh red roses in one hand, and a Prada attaché case in the other.

"Right. It seems I've forgotten what's important lately." He placed his flowers next to hers before turning to face her head on.

"Everything okay?" Temari asked, although she could practically feel the tension radiating from her brother's shoulders. She couldn't remember the last time she'd spoken to him like this. Just the two of them. "You can tell me, Gaara."

All Gaara wanted was to be able to snap at Temari and tell her to mind her own business, but he'd grown soft to his siblings over the years. He liked their worry and their care, as foreign as it often felt.

"I don't know how to talk about these things," he confessed. "When it comes to the company it's easy, but…"

"So it's about Sakura?" Temari smiled knowingly. "Do you finally want to let me in on what's going on?"

There was a long pause, and after a while, Temari sighed in defeat. But before she could throw her hands up and walk away Gaara caught her by the wrist.

"I knew," he said.

It was so soft, Temari barely heard it.

"Knew? Knew what?" She spun around to face him again.

"8 years ago... Before Sakura left, she came to see me and she told me she was going to leave with Sasuke. I knew and I let her go."

Temari's brows raised. Although she hadn't known Sakura at that time, it was obvious through what she'd heard from the girls that her relationship with Sasuke had been nothing short of a nightmare.

"It was complicated back then. She was seeing Sasuke, she was talking to me as a friend. One night she'd been drinking and it just…crossed the line between us. Out of loneliness, I took advantage." Gaara was careful not to elaborate, and Temari didn't ask.

"She didn't come by again for a few weeks. Then one day, out of the blue…there she was on my doorstep in the rain."

Gaara closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He could still see Sakura's face and the childish way it lit up when he'd opened the door for her.

* * *

 _His gaze searched her body, the bare skin of her arms and legs, her face, her wrists, her neck – everywhere for any trace of bruising. Just as the night he'd first invited her in, she stood on his doorstep, huddling under the awning for shelter from the rain. This time, however, she held no umbrella and no gift– just an overstuffed duffle bag._

" _Gaara." She smiled shakily, and let it drop by her feet._

 _The smell of summer was in the air – sticky humidity mixed with the sharpness of grass. It usually irritated him, especially on rainy days, but Sakura's presence brought with it an undeniable lightness._

 _It had been two weeks since she'd come to the apartment, two weeks since they'd kissed, and two weeks since he'd heard anything at all from her. Inside, He'd been too cowardly to reach out or even try at her apartment to see if she was okay, but there she was, standing in front of him, smiling as if things were normal again. As if they were real lovers, and Sasuke was only a memory. Gaara wanted to be angry, but just the sight of her face, pale and rain streaked made him feel warm._

" _What's wrong? What's going on?" He asked, but was scared of the answer. Had Sasuke found out? Had she told him? Had he hurt her because of it?_

" _Sasuke's leaving," she spat out, and then before Gaara could react, the rest came tumbling behind. "He got a job offer in Hokkaido. He wants me to come with."_

 _It took a moment for him to process the words. Sasuke. Leaving. Hokkaido._

" _Hokkaido?" He mumbled. It was over 10 hours away by train, and Gaara could only imagine what the Uchiha could do to her out there all alone._

" _I…" she clutched her sweatshirt over her stomach in a way Gaara found odd. He wondered briefly if she'd been on another one of her silly fasts. "I don't know if I want to go. I mean after what happened with…"_

 _Gaara felt the blood starting to pound in his ears. Somehow, he had a feeling what was coming, and it disturbed him._

" _I know I haven't been around in a while…" Sakura clutched her sweatshirt tighter. "But I was scared. The last time we saw each other was kind of intense, you know? I thought maybe-_ _"_

"— _Sakura, don't." Gaara interrupted her with a shake of his head. He didn't want to be reminded of their night. Of how he'd so eagerly taken advantage of her in a moment of intoxication and vulnerability to make himself feel better. How he hadn't even bothered to chase after her when she ran._

" _I just…" tears welled in her eyes. "I really think…I think there's something here. Between us. Don't you?"_

 _Gaara struggled to find words. There she was, the girl he'd dreamed about so often it was driving him to brink of insanity, begging him to choose her. And yet, it was too much. It was like his father said - people like him didn't make healthy, lasting relationships. They only destroyed them. Gaara couldn't imagine what he could give Sakura outside of self-loathing and second-hand smoke. Sure, Sasuke may have been a cheater, but at least he had money. Notoriety. Stability. He could shower Sakura with all the things she deserved. All Gaara had done so far was use her to make himself feel better. The late-night visits, the talking, the flirting… In all that time, what had he actually done to help her?_

" _Just…tell me to stay," Sakura pressed. There were tears in her eyes now, and Gaara could tell she was fighting hard to hold them back. "Tell me to stay and I will."_

" _I can't." Gaara gripped the doorframe hard with one hand. "I can't tell you what to do."_

" _Gaara…" Sakura's face contorted as she struggled not to cry. "Please—_

" _There's been a misunderstanding," he cut her off. "What happened between us was a mistake. It was late and you were in that dress and I just...anyone would have."_

 _"Gaara please don't..." Sakura tried to reach for his hand, but Gaara drew his body away from her. If she touched him then, he knew he wouldn't be able to refuse._

 _"I don't have feelings for you," he said firmly. "So just go home, okay?"_

 _And with those words, he saw something in Sakura change. Just like that, the light went out in her eyes. Sakura's hands fell limply by her sides, and Gaara shut the door in her face._

* * *

"She told me Sasuke wanted to take her to Hokkaido. She was terrified - I could see it all over her face. But when she begged me to tell her to stay I just…I couldn't." Gaara rooted in his jacket pocket for a cigarette and sighed out when he came up empty.

"Oh Gaara…" Temari didn't know what else to say. "I mean…shit." She reached for his fumbling hand, but he pulled away, feeling quite undeserving of comfort.

"I didn't know what I should do," he said, tone a mix of defensive and guilt-ridden. "I didn't think I could give her anything that mattered. I didn't have any money, any family…so I pushed her back to him. Like she was a piece of garbage."

Temari was quiet. Though she tried not to think of it often, she remembered the time all too well. While she was off getting an expensive private education in America, her little brother was alone. When they were growing up, Rasa was always critical of Gaara, and urged her and Kankuro not to indulge him. He was _lazy_ , he told them. Unwilling to be a part of the family. A troublemaker. So when Gaara turned 18 and left home for good, neither of them had opted to stay in contact, and like their father, had left him to fend for himself.

The self-loathing, the dogged work ethic, and the way he always fought to prove himself – Temari knew it made sense given his past. What didn't make sense, however, was how he managed to have the heart to forgive her.

"Gaara I…"

"Rasa has always been right, it seems," he interrupted. "I ruin everything I touch. From his life, to mom's life, and now hers."

"Hey. You didn't ruin mom's life." Temari was adamant. "Gaara…mom was so fucking excited about you." She smiled to herself, remembering. "She drove us all crazy talking about how she couldn't wait to see you. Couldn't wait for us all to see you. And believe it or not, dad was just as delighted for a second son."

Gaara scowled at the ground at the mention of his father.

"She would have done anything for you, Gaara. And she would be so happy to see how far you've come." Temari put her hand on her little brother's shoulder. She knew he'd never been one for PDA, and was pleasantly surprised when she felt him lean into her touch.

"Dad wasn't good to you," she continued. "Understatement of the motherfucking century, I know. He didn't how to handle when she died, and took it out on you. I wish I'd been a better sister and stood up for you. I wish I'd come to see you in university. I wish… I wish I hadn't been so weak and scared."

Gaara let the apology settle in dead air. It felt nice to be validated, but he couldn't blame her or Kankuro. Once he'd left home he'd been determined to have nothing to do with any of his so-called family, but in the end, Temari and Kankuro were only kids. Impressionable under Rasa's grief-filled influence. According to their father, Gaara was the one who had ruined their happy little family, and as a child it was easy to believe in the faultlessness of adults. Since reconnecting, both had supported him as much as he needed. Temari, taking him into her new family and making him an uncle, and Kankuro, giving him lessons in manhood he would forever cherish (although at the same time there were more than enough he would rather forget).

"You've done so well for yourself, Gaara. But…money…things... I know you know that's not the end of it." Temari said quietly "You have so much more to offer Sakura."

"How? I couldn't even bring myself to reach out to her after all these years. Or even contact her mother or any of her friends about where she'd been. I let eight years pass when I could have saved her. And for what? To work for a man who barely tolerates me." Gaara smiled bitterly at the plate of persimmons near the grave.

A coldness had settled into his life as soon as Sakura disappeared. He stopped smoking and drinking, only to poison himself with work. Upon graduation Gaara had offers from the largest banks in Tokyo, and when Rasa caught wind of this, decided there was no way he could lose his son to another firm. So when his father came to him with an opportunity – to take over the Tokyo branch of the family company, Gaara forced his grudges down and took it. Working for Rasa meant money, and money meant power. Once he had that, Gaara told himself, he'd find Sakura again and do what he should have done years ago.

But in the end, he never looked for her. Never made one effort to contact her. Once the money came in, he could have hired private investigators by the dozens. But deep down, Gaara was scared of what he might find. What if Sasuke finally escalated from emotional abuse to physical? Or worse – what if he had changed? What if she had the happy family with him she'd always wanted? Where would that leave him?

"Do you really think that's what she needed?" Temari squeezed her brother's hand. "For you to be her white knight to save her from Sasuke?"

Temari didn't let him answer. "When you brought her to the party, the way she looked at you..." she smiled down at her lap. "Jesus, it felt like I was watching one of those shitty fucking dramas or something. She might have come to you 8 years ago because she was scared, but I think part of why she came back this time was because she hoped she'd see you again. Because she missed you."

Gaara thought back to the moment he'd seen her at the station. He'd expected her to be cold to him, to turn away like he'd done to her, but the rejection never came. It was classic Sakura, to care about others even at a cost to herself.

"I don't want to hurt her again."

"You won't," Temari reassured him. "Not if you're honest about how you feel."

Gaara stared at the roses on the grave. How he felt? He knew he enjoyed Sakura's company, and it made him uncomfortable when she wasn't around, but that was true of Temari as well. As a brother, he worried about her health and well-being and wanted the best for her. Still, there were things he thought about doing with Sakura that certainly weren't very brotherly. Not by a long shot. Was that love, he wondered? Or something else?

If he really thought about it, Gaara could see himself sharing everything with Sakura. His home, his bed, his life. Taking care of Sarada and showing her how to tend to plants. But how could he possibly say that after last night? After everything she'd been through?

"Listen." Temari stopped his wandering thoughts. "Ino told me she'll be at the summer festival tonight with Sarada. You need to go show up and get your shit sorted, you hear me?'

"I'm really not sure that's the best idea." Gaara gave a weak protest. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin a family evening Sakura was planning with her daughter.

"No excuses!" Temari pulled Gaara's face in hard and pressed a kiss on his cheek, leaving a sticky red lip print. "And don't look so fucking miserable when you see her." She nudged him. "I swear to god Mom would be so pissed if she saw you lately."

Temari sprang to her feet and glanced at her watch before Gaara had a chance to challenge her.

"See you tonight! 6pm! Don't be late!"

"Wait!" Gaara called out, but was left staring after her in desperation. With a sigh, he turned back to his mother's headstone.

"You don't think I look miserable, do you?"

* * *

 **AN:** A shorter than usual chapter. This was originally a longer one, but there was too much going on so I made the decision to break it up into two parts. That just means you guys get a quick double update! Yaaaay! Happy New Year! Hope the holidays were great to all you lovely people – all the new reviews were certainly a great Christmas gift to me!


	8. Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

**Chapter 8: Friends, Lovers, or Nothing**

AN: Double the updates, double the fun! :D

 _ **(Updated September 16th, 2018)**_

* * *

" _When were you going to tell me?" Sasuke emptied the bathroom trash onto Sakura's desk. Three positive pregnancy tests, covered by newspaper magazine clippings tumbled out over her biology books._

" _Sasuke-kun!" Sakura cried out, but felt her hands beginning to tremble in her lap._

" _Don't 'Sasuke-kun' me," he snarled. "Explain yourself."_

" _I don't…" Sakura kept her head down, afraid to look him in the eye. "I didn't know what I was going to do yet. I haven't made a decision."_

" _A decision?" Sasuke scoffed. "Are you fucking kidding me? This is our kid you're talking about."_

" _Sasuke-kun we…you can't be serious," Sakura pushed the tests off her desk and onto the floor. "You're just starting your new job in a few months, and I'm going to be working for Tsunade…we can't raise a child. There's no money. There's no…nothing."_

" _You know how I feel about family," Sasuke pushed. Sakura could feel the anger in his voice, but also desperation. "You know how important it is that I rebuild my family's lineage. To get back what was taken from me."_

" _Sasuke…" Sakura immediately felt the guilt settle in. Of course she knew how important it was to Sasuke to have children. Ever since Itachi had burned their family home down with his parents in it, she'd never heard the end of his anger and grief._

 _But no matter how many times she suggested therapy or even confiding in her about what would have made Itachi do what he did, Sasuke remained singularly focused. He wanted children one day soon, and if she wanted to be with him, she needed to want that too. But although children had vaguely crossed her mind from time to time, Sakura saw that as a prospect years and years down the line. Never so soon. She was typically regimented with birth control, but with her anxiety over Sasuke staying out later and later and upcoming exams, she knew she must have slipped up._

 _The moment Sakura missed her period she'd chalked it up to stress, but four tests didn't lie._

" _When I turn 21 in a few weeks I get my inheritance in full and start work at the company. I'll take care of you," he said firmly. "We'll get married and you'll never want for anything, Sakura."_

" _You don't have to do this, Sasuke. It wasn't even planned." Sakura could hardly believe the words that were coming out of her mouth._

 _Weeks ago she would have jumped at the chance to marry Sasuke, but after kissing Gaara… suddenly everything had changed. It would have been a lie to say she'd never seen him as more than a friend. She found him attractive, but staunchly off limits._ In her head he w _as bad for her, maybe worse than Sasuke, but as time went on and they spent more time together, Sakura found that to be less and less true. Yes, Gaara's moods could be challenging, but he was caring where Sasuke was cold, and despite his own family struggles, never once made her feel scared. Sakura couldn't remember the last time she hadn't felt on edge around Sasuke._

" _You can't plan everything in life." Sasuke held her hand carefully. "We can make this work. I promise.'_

 _Sakura hung her head. Sasuke was rarely so gentle with her, and suddenly she was wracked with guilt again. How could she do this to him? He didn't have anyone anymore. When she nodded, he hugged her tightly and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head._

" _You won't regret it, Sakura. Everything will be perfect. I promise you."_

 _But for the first time in her life, she didn't believe it. As soon as Sasuke left for his afternoon class, she panicked. She thought of Gaara again, and the way he'd held her firm in his bed. Maybe there was a chance there. She was only a few weeks along. There was still time for her to do something about it, and maybe things would be okay._

 _Desperate, Sakura grabbed the duffle beside her bed. She emptied out her kendo equipment and began stuffing it with clothes – pajamas, shirts, anything she could possibly need for a few days. Desperate, she searched for a good pair of shoes and put them on before grabbing it all and running out the door._

 _Outside, the rain came down in sheets._

 _Before she knew it, she was on his doorstep. Instead of reaching for the key under the mat, she rang the doorbell. Once, twice, three times before he finally answered._

 _When she saw him, her heart was instantly light. The dark red hair, the slight scowl on his lips that faded whenever he saw her._

" _Sakura?" Gaara clutched the doorframe with one hand. She could see his gaze searching every inch of her, no doubt looking for evidence of something horrible. "What's wrong? What's going on?"_

 _She dropped her bag._

" _Gaara."_

* * *

Sakura woke with a start.

It had been so long since she'd thought about that moment, let alone dreamed about it. Her mouth was dry, and she felt like she could drink a gallon of water in a few gulps. It had been about 5 in the morning when she'd snuck out of Gaara's place and got an Uber home, and it was clear the drugs were only just wearing off. The night was splotchy in places, but Sakura remembered more than enough to be embarrassed with herself. Just like eight years ago, she'd begged Gaara to be there for her in a capacity he clearly didn't want to give.

"You came in late…" Mebuki entered the room with a silence Sakura found spooky. "Or should I say early?" She held a bowl of warm porridge with both hands.

"I stayed over at a friend's." Sakura stood and began peeling herself out of her dress. It reeked of cigarettes and booze.

"Is that so?" Mebuki gazed suspiciously at her daughter's blotchy face and smudged makeup. "Are you alright?"

"I don't know." Sakura pressed her face into her hands and flopped back down on the bed.

"Sakura. Did something happen?" Mebuki placed the bowl on the side table and was quick to take a seat next to her daughter. "Do I need to fight someone?"

Sakura had to smirk at her mother's typical dramatics. "Mom…I just…" she squeezed her hands into fists on her lap. "I don't know what I was thinking coming back here."

"You know exactly what you were thinking." Mebuki was stern. "So stop this bullshit. You came here because you knew Sasuke wasn't good for you anymore and you wanted more for Sarada."

"Maybe." Sakura brought her knees up to her chest on the bed. "Or maybe I was just chasing a fantasy."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mebuki asked. It had been years since she'd really seen her daughter, and so many things had been lost. Back when she was young, everything had been so simple. Sakura was smart and independent and never any trouble at all. It wasn't until Sasuke that their relationship had degraded. Nightly catch-up phone calls turned into weekly, then monthly, then just one or two around the holidays. No matter what she said, everything conversation was wrapped up in Sasuke's work and advice on what Sakura could do to please him. Mebuki hated to see the bold, determined woman she'd raised turn into a scared little girl. The afternoon Sakura arrived on her doorstep with Sarada, Mebuki had wanted to cry. Her daughter was home. One of the two great loves of her life. But even still, things weren't right.

"There was someone else…" Sakura squeezed her head between her hands like a vice. "Another guy."

Sakura's mother tried to contain her shock. "During the marriage?"

"No," Sakura reassured her. "Nothing like that. It was back in college. We were dating then, but there was someone I just had this connection with. ..Gaara."

Mebuki watched her daughter's features carefully as she spoke. They lightened in a way she hadn't seen in ages.

"Gaara?"

"I tried to convince myself we were friends, but I loved the way he treated me." Sakura explained. "He was there when Sasuke wasn't, he didn't mince words and tell me what I wanted to hear, but he always did it with kindness. He looked after me."

"You've never spoken about him before," Mebuki frowned. "Why?"

Sakura's lip quivered. "Because before I left for Hokkaido I showed up on his doorstep like a fucking child and I told him I'd stay if he wanted me. And guess what, mom? He didn't want me."

"Sakura…"

"And last night I did the same thing. Throwing myself at him." She was crying now, but covered it with a laugh. "What's the definition of insanity again? Trying the same thing and over and over and expecting a different result?"

"Maybe he's involved with someone. Maybe he's just in a different place. It doesn't matter, Sakura What matters is you. You don't need a fucking man to make you whole." Mebuki was firm.

"He was just so good to me, Mom. I wanted that to mean something. What if…" Sakura hugged herself, but didn't say the words she was thinking. ' _What if I never find that again?'_

"Sakura, it sounds like he still is a good man. Because if you were as intoxicated as you smell right now…" her mother made a face. "Would you really want the kind of man who would take advantage of you in that state?"

"I guess…"

"If he's a good man, then maybe it's best if you stay friends. You need as many good people on your side as possible right now." Mebuki pulled her daughter in for a hug. "Don't overthink it."

' _Friends…'_

Sakura closed her eyes with a sigh. Her mother's words made sense, but she could still remember the way Gaara had kissed her.

It definitely wasn't any type of kiss she'd give a friend, but what she needed to remember was that he was also a man. A man she'd practically thrown herself at. Throughout their relationship, Sasuke slept with a number of women and always insisted that it wasn't anything more than scratching an itch. Just a way to relieve stress. For all she knew it was the same for Gaara. Something trivial to indulge in while Shijima was away.

The thought disturbed Sakura, but she pushed it down. She didn't own Gaara, and knew she needed to stop thinking like she did.

"Mama!" Sarada came bounding in through the bedroom door and directly into her arms. "How was the party? Was it fun? Did you play games?"

"It was actually pretty lousy," Sakura admitted. "I missed you a lot."

"Of course you did," Sarada grinned. "But lucky you, mama. You get to spend time with me tonight."

"Tonight…"

"The festival!" Sarada pouted. "Don't tell me you forgot?"

"Of course not," Sakura lied, but smiled to herself. A family festival sounded like the perfect wholesome remedy to the past few days she'd been having. As good natured as her friends were, she needed to get back to basics. Sarada was her priority, not socializing and embarrassing herself nightly.

"We should go out and find some cute yukata together!" Sakura clapped her hands together at the thought of matching mother-daughter summer kimono.

"No matching though," Sarada warned, as if reading her mind.

Sakura laughed aloud. "Why? Are you scared Inojin won't think you're cool anymore?" she teased, giving her mother a wink.

"I don't care what Inojin thinks!" Sarada gave an exaggerated protest, but Sakura was quick to notice the blush on her daughter's cheeks. It was cute, but a little scary. After all, she was about the same age when she started falling for Sasuke in grade school.

Sakura couldn't help but think back to what Mebuki had said. If Sakura couldn't teach her own daughter about the importance of loving yourself first, who would?

"Okay, okay… no matching," she relented.

"Great. Grandma, you come too and help make sure Mom keeps her promise," Sarada insisted, causing Sakura to give her daughter a playful scowl.

After a much needed shower and the majority of the afternoon spent playfully (and not so playfully) arguing with her mother over yukata, Sakura managed to get herself and Sarada dressed in time for the festival. It was there she ran into Hinata and Naruto with their two children in tow.

"Hi Sakura! And Sarada…don't you look sweet?" Hinata crouched to give the little girl a hug.

"Thanks Hinata-san," Sarada said proudly, and did a spin in her yukata. Its base was a rich blue with pink flowers scattered over the fabric, and a red obi that matched the frames of her glasses. Although she'd desperately wanted to make a show of matching with her daughter, Sakura decided on a complimenting pink yukata with red flowers. Her hair wasn't yet long enough to put into a bun like the other women, so she braided half back from her face and wove small flowers between the strands.

"You clean up well, Naruto," Sakura teased. She had to admit, he looked uncharacteristically mature in his black jinbei.

"I could say the same for you," he joked. "Meeting someone?"

"Since when do I have to be meeting someone to look good?" Sakura resisted the urge to put him in a headlock, like old days. "You're such an idiot sometimes, I swear!"

" _Sometimes_?" A lazy-sounding critique came from behind, and the group turned to see Shikamaru walking up with Shikadai balanced on his shoulders, Temari not far behind.

"Hey!" Naruto protested, but when little Himawari tugged at his shirt sleeve to be lifted, drew his attention away from the teasing.

"Did you do the fishing yet?" Boruto, almost the spitting image of his father, walked over to Sarada holding a wet plastic bag.

"Fishing?"

"Yeah, I got two goldfish earlier. I haven't seen anyone with more than one," he gave a smug smile. Sarada, obviously taking this as a challenge, put her hands on her hips as if ready to battle. Sakura could already see what was coming.

"Mom, I want to do fishing! "She declared.

"Naruto vs. Sasuke all over again, huh?" Temari laughed, giving Sakura an elbow in her side. Behind them, Naruto stuck his tongue out in protest.

While Sakura was proud of her daughter's keen spirit, she grimaced at the thought of where Sarada's over-competitive nature might get her later in life.

"Sure, let's go fishing." She smiled and then turned back to her group of friends and their children. "Let's catch up for dinner later!"

With a quick wave, Sakura let Sarada drag her over to a small pond where a number of other children were dipping paper nets into a pond. She watched with interest as most failed, but a lucky few were able to scoop up a fish or two before the paper soaked through and tore.

"I bet I'll get more than Boruto," Sarada asserted, rolling up the sleeves of her yukata.

"Go easy…you have to be gentle." Sakura warned, but Sarada paid no mind. She went in with vicious determination, dipping her first net in the water and holding it under until three fish skimmed across its surface. Sakura watched her try to pull it back out, but the paper sagged and broke before even reaching the surface.

"Try again, Sarada," Sakura urged, holding out more coins to pay the stall manager. "Just remember, the paper's getting wet, so—

"—I know, I know!" Sarada waved her off, quickly taking the coins.

Sakura could only sigh as she watched her daughter try two, three, and then four more times, only to be left with no fish and a pile of torn paper nets. Sakura was out of coins, and almost out of patience.

"It's not fair…" Sarada pressed her face into the bottom of her mother's yukata. "If stupid Boruto can get fish, why can't I?"

"Sarada, don't - you know that's not nice," Sakura forced Sarada to look at her head on." We'll try again another time. It's getting dark - how about we get something to eat now?"

Sakura tried to urge her daughter on with a smile, but Sarada could only fixate on the pool of fish.

"Oh Sarada…" She sighed aloud and then rose to full height. In search of Temari the rest of her friends, she took a long around the area for any sign of them.

It was then she saw it – a bright flicker of red hair.

' _Shit. No way.'_ Her heart dropped.

Off in the distance, Gaara stood out like a sore thumb in a dark suit among the sea of brightly colored jinbei and summer yukata. Women stared and smiled warmly as the redhead waded through the crowd, but he remained unbelievably nonchalant, totally oblivious to the attention. Anyone else might have thought it an act, but to Sakura, it was just typical Gaara. Even when they were in college together he'd somehow managed to remain completely ignorant to all the female attention he attracted. Sakura herself had mostly been able to ignore it, but now, especially after last night, it was undeniable. He was someone women were attracted to. Someone _she_ was attracted to.

Flustered, she started to turn away from his direction, but suddenly Sarada pulled hard on her hand.

"Hey, it's Gaara-san!" She cried out, waving.

Gaara looked up immediately, and once their eyes locked, Sakura no longer had the option to bolt. Despite what had happened between them the night before, Sakura hadn't prepared herself for the level of intensity in his gaze. No man, not even Sasuke, had ever looked at her like that before. Like she was the only woman in the world. Blood pounded in her ears, and suddenly, Sakura felt glued in place.

"Hi Sakura, Sarada." Gaara addressed them both as he approached, but only Sarada was brave enough to turn her full attention to him.

"Hey!" she smiled, but then, as if remembering something, gave a loud sigh of defeat.

"Is something wrong?" He directed the question at Sakura, but she wouldn't look him in the eyes. Sarada tugged on his sleeve, encouraging Gaara to crouch to her level.

"I couldn't get any fish," Sarada moaned. "Mom tried to help, but it was too hard!"

Gaara looked at the little girl in front of him, and then to the stall behind them where other children were dipping paper nets into a pool of water, live with fish.

"Oh, is that so?" Gaara raised an impossibly pale brow. "How many times did you try?"

"Four times!" Sarada emphasized the number with both hands.

"And you gave up so easily?" He teased. "I'm sure you didn't get that from your mother."

Gaara looked up to Sakura with a smirk, but she averted her gaze again, cheeks a soft red. As juvenile as it was, she couldn't bear to look at him head on. Especially not when he was being so unusually playful.

"Well, I bet you can't do it either!" Sarada snapped. She put her hands on her hips in defiance, and Sakura had to fight to conceal a smile. It wasn't quick enough however – Gaara spotted the quirk of her lip, and took it as an invitation to smile back. She'd forgotten how gorgeous that smile could be.

"Let's see." Gaara crouched at the side of the pool and picked up a net. While the stall manager watched, he dipped it in for only a second before flicking it back out, surfacing with two small, wriggling goldfish. Smiling, the manager bagged them up.

"What! That's not fair!" Sarada jumped in close, attempting to get a better look at the fish. Gaara playfully held her back.

"Well that's two fish for me," he smirked, holding the bag close to his chest. "I think I'll have to get a tank to display them at home. What do you say, Sakura?"

"Sounds like a good idea to me," she finally played along. Gaara started to stand, but Sarada was quick to hold him back.

"Wait, you have to show me how!" Sarada gripped Gaara's arm with desperation. "Please?"

Gaara looked back at Sakura, who gave a half nod. Carefully, he took off his suit jacket and placed it in the grass. Then, crouched with Sarada in front of the pool. Twice, He showed her a slow movement with his hand, barely dipping the net beneath the water's surface, followed by a quick flick of the wrist. Sakura watched with amusement at the strong look of concentration on Sarada's face.

Even though he had no children of his own, the redhead seemed strangely at ease. When Sarada had pouted with him, he'd diffused the situation and turned it into a learning opportunity. This Gaara certainly wasn't the chain-smoking, guarded and dour young man she'd known years ago. He'd matured into someone strong and loving. Someone who would make a wonderful husband and father. She thought momentarily of Shijima, and the way she'd openly flirted with him at the office.

' _God, their children will be gorgeous.'_

"Ah! I got four! Look mom! Look!" Sarada's cheers snapped Sakura out of her daze. Her daughter held up a dripping plastic bag with four wriggling goldfish inside. She was grinning from ear to ear.

"Woah, look at that!" Sakura clapped her hands together with a grin.

"Gaara taught me how. You have to be gentle at first, but then quick with your wrist before the paper breaks!" She said haughtily, as if reciting prized information.

"I hope you thanked him for helping," Sakura smoothed a bit of damp hair from her daughters face and behind her ear.

"Yes mama," Sarada gave a grin to Gaara, who was busy draping his jacket back over one arm. When he stood again, Sakura found herself staring openly at the front of his white shirt. It had been splashed with water from the pool, and now stuck to the front of his chest, revealing the firm lines of his muscled abdomen. She didn't understand how it was possible for him to look so good even in the most unflattering situations. It was almost unfair, really.

Meanwhile, Gaara was thinking more of the same about Sakura. Though he always felt she looked well put together, there was something about seeing her in a yukata that had given him pause. The soft, traditional look, the flowers in her hair…she looked so _sweet_ it almost made him uncomfortable.

"Boo!" Inojin popped up behind the three of them wearing a purple painted mask. So focused on Gaara, even Sakura gave a jump of surprise at the little boy. Behind him, Ino and Sai tittered with laughter.

"Hey Gaara," Ino smiled knowingly at the redhead. "It's a nice surprise to see you here. You never come to the festival."

"Why are you pretending you're surprised? It's obviously because Sakura's here." Sai said without an ounce of humor, and all three of the adults shot him glares.

"Anyway…" Ino was quick to change the subject. "We were actually just looking for you so we could take all the kids and get them something to eat. I'd be happy to bring Sarada now so you guys can chat."

Sakura looked hesitant, but Gaara put a gentle hand on Sakura's shoulder.

"I would like to talk to you alone, if that's all right?" he asked.

"I guess so," Sakura shrugged, still refusing to look at him head on. "I won't be long, I promise," she said to Ino.

"Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever." The blonde brushed them off. "Take as much time as you like!"

Sai made a thumbs up gesture towards Gaara, who returned only with a blank stare.

Behind them, Sarada snatched Inojin's mask off in anger.

"Ugh! You're so annoying." Sarada poked her tongue out at the blonde, but then waved her bag in his face. "Look at what I have."

"No way," Inojin frowned. "I tried with my dad and could only get one!"

"Gaara helped!"

"Why? Is he your mom's boyfriend or something?" He looked at Gaara with keen interest. Sarada stared back at her mother and Gaara standing close. Gaara had his hands in his pockets and was saying something while she blushed. She'd never seen her mother like that with her father. But really, she hardly saw them together at all.

"No." She immediately frowned. "I have a dad."

"Well where is he, then?"

"Working. But he'll be here. He promised." Sarada clutched her goldfish bag with both hands. Frowning, she started to approach her mother, but a gentle set of hands steered her backward.

"Hey there kiddo, how would you like to hang out with the other kids and get something to eat? Your mom might be a little while." Ino looked up to where Sakura stood beside the redhead. She was anxiously pushing the same strand of hair behind her ear, over and over.

"But..." Sarada clutched her bag to her chest. "But papa…"

"Don't worry, mama will be just fine," Ino said quickly, ignoring the girl's protest and steering her towards the others.

Meanwhile, Gaara and Sakura walked over to the refreshment stands in silence. To create a bit of distance between them, Sakura stepped forward to order a frozen peach drink for herself, and a baggie of konpeito for Sarada. She took out her purse to pay, but Gaara was quicker.

"You don't have to do that," Sakura admonished him, but Gaara paid no mind.

"I don't, but I want to," he said.

Deciding she didn't want to push her luck, Sakura murmured a 'thank you' and kept moving forward.

Together, they ambled a little further past the festival stalls to a muted spot away from the crowds. Strings of colored lanterns were hung from the trees, and just as they entered, another couple exited, laughing softly and holding hands. Gaara seemed to pay them no mind, grateful for the quiet, but Sakura was distinctly uncomfortable by the intimate air surrounding them.

"Maybe we shouldn't be here," she said.

"Is something wrong?" Gaara looked around for any evidence of danger, but saw nothing.

"No I just mean that... Well, I think…" Sakura stumbled over her words. She really didn't know how to tell him the place looked like a teen make out corner, so clammed up instead.

Sakura took as sip of her drink and shook her head. "Nothing. Just... thanks for helping back there with Sarada. She's really fond of you."

"I'm fond of her as well," Gaara said sincerely.

Sakura nodded to brush him off, letting an awkward silence settle between them. She hadn't wanted to talk about the night before or any of the strangeness of their relationship, but it seemed inevitable now. Gaara could sense Sakura trying to pull away and knew the conversation was going to be harder than he expected.

"I don't like what's going on between us." He broke the silence first. "I don't like that you're trying to avoid me."

"Am I?" Sakura took a sip of her drink. She turned her back to the redhead so she could breathe a little easier.

 _You don't need a man to make you whole._

She was reminded of her mother's words, and finally, they gave her strength. Behind her, Gaara was irritated by the casual defiance, and struggled not to let it show. For the first time in his life he wanted to be honest with her, and it seemed it was all falling apart.

"You are," Gaara rounded on her. "And after what happened between us I don't blame you. We—

"Gaara stop." Sakura took two quicks steps back. "I don't want to talk about last night. I'm sorry it happened. I'm sorry I—

"I'm not talking about last night," he said firmly. Sakura's stomach dropped and the resulting silence felt sickening.

"Gaara let's not—

"—stop interrupting." He bit at her, harsher than he'd meant to. Suddenly, Temari's words came back to him. ' _Be direct. You're good at that.'_ Gaara was almost certain this isn't what his sister would have meant, but regardless, it was what was coming out.

"Well don't you scold me like I'm one of your staff!" She snapped back.

Gaara sighed out in frustration. He hadn't expected a simple conversation to turn into an argument, but at the same time, it was how it had always been between them. Even in college, Sakura always refused to take any shit from him. It was the complete opposite of when she was with Sasuke. The way she constantly made excuses and cowed to him was beyond infuriating.

"Why do you always have to argue with me?" he growled.

"I…" Sakura looked up to see the anger on Gaara's face, but there was something else there as well. A pain she didn't quite understand. "What?"

"Don't pretend you don't see this, Sakura," he snapped. "Everything I say…everything I've said – you manage to turn it around. It's even more obvious since you've come back."

"I don't…" Sakura shook her head. She didn't want to admit it was true. She accepted everything from Sasuke because expected nothing from him. But from Gaara, she saw more. She wanted more. "Well why do you always have to talk down to me?" she countered.

' _Why did you have to leave me with him?'_ she really wanted to ask, but didn't have the courage.

It wasn't fair, after all. Back then it had hurt her so much, but now she knew it was wrong of her to expect Gaara to save her. Or to even believe it might have worked. 8 years ago, she'd told herself so many times that Gaara was her only chance to escape. That if he really wanted her, it would have been worth an abortion and starting over. In reality, it came down to her. If she'd known what she really wanted she would have left Sasuke whether Gaara wanted her or not. She would have done what she believed in. Without that conviction in herself, they would have never worked. She would have never stopped loving Sasuke, and Gaara's kindness wouldn't have placated her for long.

"I'm sorry," he said, and Sakura was taken aback. She'd expected the back and forth to continue – not an apology.

"I'm sorry for a lot of things," he continued. Deep down, Sakura had an idea what he really meant, but it hurt her that he wouldn't just come out and say it.

"Don't do that," Sakura murmured. "I give you a hard time because I like you, Gaara. You know that."

"Is it wrong of me to wish you wouldn't, sometimes?" He saw the faint blush on her cheeks and was prompted to continue, a little lighter with his approach. He came closer - just out of arm's reach, but close enough to catch the scent of Chanel she'd always liked to dab on her neck before going out with Sasuke. "Usually when people like me, they're kind to me."

"So now what? Am I supposed to apologize too?" Sakura kept her tone snarky to conceal how flustered she was becoming by Gaara's presence. "Sorry I'm not as polite and demure as _Shijima-chan._ "

Gaara's eyes widened slightly at the mention of his colleague. He stared at Sakura's face, lit prettily by the strings of colored lights around them. The blush on her cheeks, the sarcastic way she'd said Shijima's name… _Was she jealous?_

"No. You're nothing like Shijima." He stepped in again and Sakura mirrored him with one step back.

Sakura dropped her gaze at this, clutching hard at the plastic cup in her hands. He could see the icy liquid spilling over its edge and onto her fingers.

"You've always been so stubborn. So proud," Gaara said softly. He was smiling now, and Sakura decided that this time, she really didn't like it. This smile… It told her he had a secret he wouldn't let her in on.

"And don't for a minute think I regret it." Sakura tilted her chin up, away from him.

"You shouldn't." His smirk grew. "It's always what I've liked most about you, Sakura."

"Mn?" Sakura looked at him dumbly, straw between her lips, poised to take another sip of her drink.

"Don't act surprised," Gaara approached her again with his hands in his pockets, taking two big strides to close the distance between them. "I deal with a lot of tough individuals for a living, but hands down you've always been my biggest challenge."

"Surely this isn't your idea of flattery?" Sakura scoffed, but couldn't control the blush that worked its way into her cheeks. Gaara was back in front of her again, and she could feel the heat radiating from his body onto hers.

"I'm saying I don't want to stop being challenged." Gaara leaned in again, so much so that he practically _felt_ Sakura's hitch in breath. "I don't want to go another 8 years without seeing you."

There was something in his words – something that made Sakura's heart beat faster than normal and her grip tighten up even more around the cup in her hands. She couldn't explain it, but the way he was talking to her was different. It reminded her of the old days, when they both thrived on the thrill of being too close for comfort.

"We-we'll always be friends, Gaara." She stammered over her words "No matter what."

"I don't want to be your friend, Sakura." Gaara bent in and said the words against her ear. "Not _just_ your friend."

Sakura could feel her blush spreading fast from her cheeks to the tips of her ears. Of all the ways she'd thought the conversation could go, she certainly hadn't been expecting _this_.

"You're very red," Gaara noted.

"I…" Sakura backed up until she hit a tree, and spilled crushed ice down the front of her yukata. Gaara couldn't help but chuckle.

"That's what you get when you run from me," he said, voice low enough to send a shiver up Sakura's spine.

"Gaara this isn't funny!" She tossed the remaining bits of ice in his direction, but unfazed, Gaara let it hit his shirt as he took both her wrists in his hands.

"I thought I wasn't good enough for you back then," he said, firmly. "I'd heard it so many times from my father I believed it was true. Sasuke could give you things and I couldn't. I couldn't bring you home to meet my family. I couldn't be what you needed me to be."

Sakura's heart was racing now, the frantic beat drowning all other sound.

"You never needed to be anything but be yourself, you stupid moron!" she insisted. "That was the whole reason I even…"

Gaara waited for her to continue, to blurt something totally Sakura like, _'the whole reason I even loved you, you asshole!'_ but the words never came. Instead she quivered against him, bright red and clearly flustered.

"You shouldn't trail off like that," Gaara said once he was convinced that Sakura had resigned herself to silence. "Or call me or a stupid moron."

"Stupid _idiot,_ " she scolded, one hand still molded around the empty cup as he held her. "Is that better?"

"A bit redundant," Gaara leaned in.

Sakura's gaze softened, and she stared at his face – the harsh red lines of his tattoo and the dark circles under his eyes. He was close enough for her to really feel the way his heart beat, just as strong and frantic as hers.

Sakura could tell he wanted to kiss her, and it was getting harder and harder to resist him. And harder and harder to even know why she was trying. Part of her hated the thought of being vulnerable with Gaara. She'd done that for eight years with Sasuke, and it had all gone to shit. What was the point? What was the point of loving when it all so quickly came to an end?

The last thing Sakura wanted was to screw up and ruin one of the best relationships she'd ever made in her life.

"I didn't know how to love you properly then." Gaara traced the tip of his nose against her cheek, and up the side of her neck. "But I do now. Do you hear me?"

Sakura's jaw went slack. She heard him, but somehow it didn't really compute. _Could this work?_ She wondered, taking in the pale thinness of his lips, and how she wished she could somehow kiss color into them. _Could he really love someone like her?_

"Will you have me?" He pressed. When Sakura looked into his eyes, they were more serious than she'd ever seen them.

"Gaara," she dropped the cup in her hands to clutch at his shirt. "I –

"Well, well, well. Isn't this a lovely little reunion?"

At the sound of a familiar voice, Sakura pulled away lightning fast. When she turned, she could see her husband walking up through the clearing.

Beside him, Sarada grinned from ear to ear, holding onto Sasuke's hand like a trophy.

* * *

 **AN:** Sasuke whaaaaaat?! J/k, we all knew he was coming back. He might not know how to treat Sakura, but he loves Sarada. Inspired by John Mayer's "Friends, Lovers, or Nothing." (Anyone follow him on Instagram, btw? His stories are hilarious! lol)


	9. Jar of Hearts

**Chapter 9: Jar of Hearts**

* * *

Sasuke hated coming in to Tokyo. Though the Uchiha Banking Company was based out of Ebisu, he always did his best to avoid any meetings at the headquarters. It had been eight years since he'd been back, and it was as if nothing had changed. The buildings, the people – the sick feeling in his stomach he got when he thought of his childhood home. It was always much easier to pretend as if Tokyo didn't exist.

Avoidance was something Sasuke did best. If it wasn't avoiding old memories of his old family in Tokyo, it was avoiding his new family at home in Hokkaido.

Suddenly, the train juddered, and a glint of red appeared in the corner of his eye. Across the aisle a woman bounced her heel in a slow, steady rhythm. Sasuke followed the heel up to a thin, milky white calf and the edge of a tight black business skirt. As if touched by his gaze, the woman turned her head. Sasuke didn't even have to smile. One look and that was all it took for her eyes to widen in pleasant surprise – for her to shift suggestively, patting the seat beside her.

He smirked to himself.

All women were easy.

A little confidence, a little arrogance and they would do anything to get their hands on you. All it took was to be someone just out of their reach - someone they didn't _deserve._

Instead of moving, Sasuke drew his gaze back to his cellphone and the family picture he'd been staring at for most of the trip. He barely remembered taking it – a selfie with him lying casually in Sakura's lap, holding Sarada up above his chest. She was a toddler then, and it must have been one of his rare days off from work. Sakura's face was barely visible, just around the corner where she'd managed to extend her arm and get the right angle. He could see her smile, and the edge of a green eye crinkled with laughter.

Sasuke closed his eyes.

 _Most_ women were easy.

For a while, Sakura had been the easiest of them all. She, like all the other girls he knew when he was younger, had pined for him without knowing anything about his life. They weren't all that different, he constantly reassured himself. Just like him, Sakura saw a pretty face and went after him in pursuit of her own needs. To be wanted, to fill an empty space. The problem was the desperation. To other men, Sakura's devotion might have read as attractive, but to Sasuke it was suffocating. Sometimes it felt as though her only real job was to smother him. And after Sarada came, that only intensified.

* * *

" _Maybe if you came home more often we could do something like a family,"_ she always complained. _"It's like you'd do anything to avoid us. Avoid me!"_

No matter the complaint, Sasuke always brushed her off. In his mind, Sasuke gave Sakura everything, and still she had the audacity to ask for more. His father had never been faithful to his mother – _he'd figured that out early on_ \- and that didn't stop them from having a family that worked.

 _Well, sort of._

Sasuke scowled to himself, thinking of them.

But despite Sakura's obvious discontent, the one thing that pleased Sasuke was that she always remained loyal. No matter what he did, no matter who he was with, she would never leave. Night after night she would dutifully soak his shirts with lipstick on the collar, careful not to let the sordid stains set in. Foil condom wrappers she found in his pockets went in the trash straight away, covered over with newspaper and crumpled toilet tissue so that she didn't have to look at them.

Sure, she might make the odd sly comment about his late nights and long trips, but never had the gall to confront him outright. Not when little ears were constantly listening. Not when she herself was so painfully insecure.

Never in a million years had Sasuke expected Sakura to grow a spine. He wasn't sure if it was the fact that Sarada was getting older and less reliant on her, but over the past few months the arguments had gotten more intense and harder for him to handle. Hushed conversations turned into violent screaming matches, and it took everything in him some nights to restrain himself from going to a place of darkness – to wanting to choke and slap and stifle. But when Sakura finally threatened to leave, it was like he was the one who'd been struck in the gut.

" _Why do you hate me?" She cried one night. Sarada was out at one of her rare playdates, and in Sasuke's eyes, Sakura had been allowed the space and silence to become even more pathetic. "Why do you fucking hate me so much that you do this?"_

 _Sasuke's head hurt. She'd been screaming at him for hours, crying and throwing around bank statements with circled hotel charges and payments made on an apartment she'd never been to in Osaka._

" _Who are you keeping out there?" She screeched. "Karin again?"_

 _There was no use getting into it with her. Everything was hysterics and drama. After all, sex on the side didn't mean he wasn't dedicated to his responsibilities – it meant attention. It meant stress relief and something else to control. Women were just tools like everyone else._

" _I could just take her, you know." Sakura said finally, unimpressed by his silence. "I could take Sarada and go and you'd never see her again. Never see either of us."_

" _You shut your fucking mouth." Sasuke was quick to pin her against the wall. It was the first time he'd ever touched her in anger. "You'll do no such thing."_

" _Sas-_

" _Look at you," he growled, too blind with rage to see the way she trembled. "You spend all your days at home pissing away money on shopping channels and spas. No job, no prospects. What kind of man would have you now? You're way past your expiration date."_

 _When Sakura didn't reply right away, Sasuke knew his words had cut deep. Sakura was almost 30, with a young child and no real money of her own. There had to be part of her that knew the reality of her "market worth."_

" _You did this to me. I don't go anywhere because you won't let me." Sakura's voice was quickly growing weak. "That was your plan all along."_

 _It was true. Sasuke very much liked to have her home – to know where she was at all times. After all, it was no secret that Sakura was good looking, and she'd managed to inadvertently charm a number of business associates back in the early days when he was stupid enough to take her to work dinners. Those days were gone now, but Sasuke knew that the further away from him she strayed, the less control he would have over his home._

" _You don't know how much I love you," he threw back at her. "Everything I give you. Everything I give Sarada. It's because I love you. You're complaining because I won't fuck you? What are you, a fucking whore? Other wives would be glad someone else is picking up the responsibility."_

 _Sakura's cheeks flushed bright red with shame._

" _That's not… I mean…_ _Half the time you don't even look at me," she tried again, her voice a whisper of defeat._

" _Then make yourself something to look at," Sasuke snapped. Sakura withered again, sliding down the wall into a crumpled heap on the floor._

 _"You want to leave me?" He laughed. "Tell you what - I'll have the lawyer draw up the papers. We'll see what kind of a man screws a woman like you. But let me tell you right now… you'll never take Sarada from me. Ever."_

* * *

The moment he had her served and called her bluff, the arguments stopped – life went back to its usual dull throng, and Sarada seemed none the wiser. Her mother was home to care for her, her father gave her everything she ever asked for, and life went on.

It wasn't until Sasuke came home from his latest business trip and saw them both gone, the house a wreck – that the panic set in. Just like 8 years ago.

Sasuke could see it all over again – the trashed bedroom of their college apartment, all the drawers pulled open, her gym bag gone along with most of her clothes. He'd confronted her earlier in the day about the pregnancy test, and though Sakura was clearly scared, Sasuke had left thinking they were on the same page. It would be hard, but they could do it. Once he came into money, she'd never want for anything. She'd give him a new family, and he would have everything he ever wanted.

* * *

 _As soon as he surveyed the empty room, Sasuke felt frozen in grief. Sakura was the one constant he had in his life. If she left him, what else would he have?_

 _At that moment, the front door creaked open, and Sakura slumped in, rain soaked and looking worn. She clutched a stuffed gym bag with both hands. Though relieved to see her back, Sasuke's first reaction was anger._

 _Gaara. She had to have tried to run to Gaara._

 _He knew about her late-night visits to the redhead when he was away – Naruto guilted him with it all the time – but at the same time, he knew Sakura's level of devotion. She wasn't stupid enough to sleep with someone else behind his back._

" _Where were you?" he demanded._

" _Laundry," she lied. For a moment, Sasuke thought of confronting her with his suspicions about Gaara, but the look of defeat in her eyes said it all. If she'd run to him the way he'd suspected, it was clear he'd rejected her._

" _Come on." He took the bag from her and placed it on the floor near the door. "I'll run the bath. You'll catch a cold in those wet clothes."_

 _Sakura looked up at him with big green eyes on the verge of spilling over with tears. The shock and confusion there irritated him. Made him feel guilty. Was it really so rare for him to be kind to her?_

" _Sasuke-kun…" she took hold of his hand, but he pulled it back gently._

" _You need to take care of yourself." He pushed the wet hair out of her face, and then placed the same hand on her stomach. "It's not just you anymore – don't forget that. You can't be selfish."_

* * *

Once Sasuke made it into the city, the local festival was easy enough to find. His parents had never taken him as a child, but he'd spent enough time hearing about it at school. It wasn't long before the memories came rushing back in waves. Of Tokyo. Of college. Of the bleakness of home and of Itachi trying his hardest to shield him from the violence. Sasuke moved quickly through the sea of people, desperate to find anyone he remembered. A spike of blonde hair – a shock of pink.

Finally, by stroke of luck he spotted Sarada – crouched near a fish pond, looking on with a pout. The fact that Sakura or any other adults she knew were nowhere in sight irritated Sasuke, but he exhaled out hard to calm himself. He was already worked up enough at the thought of confronting his wife.

"Sarada!" He stepped forward and whisked the girl into his arms.

"Papa!" Obviously taken by surprise, she hesitated for a moment with her hug, but Sasuke was firm. He couldn't remember the last time he'd held her.

"Where's mom?" he asked.

"Mama went with Gaara! We should go find them together," Sarada said innocently, but the name was all it took to build a rage inside Sasuke.

' _Gaara Sabaku. Of course,'_ he could barely restrain a scoff. Suddenly, Sakura's sudden return to Tokyo made perfect sense. Although he'd mostly ignored it when he was younger, it was obvious she'd never gotten over that hopeless, dopey crush.

"Yes. Lets." Sasuke gripped Sarada's hand like a vice. Seeing his daughter was usually calming, but now it made him livid. Of all the things he'd done in his life, she was the one thing he thought he'd managed to get right. A clean slate. Anything she wanted, he would source for her. Any club, society, or team she wanted to join – he'd readily buy her in. To think that Gaara had been talking to her made him sick. Sasuke couldn't help but wonder – all this time, what lies had Sakura been filling her head with? What kind of things had Gaara been exposing her to?

"They went by themselves. I don't remember where…" Sarada admitted, but Sasuke was determined to press on.

Practically dragging his daughter, he looked past the stalls in front of them to the start of a clearing. Hidden away from the bustle of the festival, he could only guess the redhead had taken her there to do something perverse. As they walked further in, Sasuke could see strings of lights in the trees, and in the distance, a glimmer of pink hair. Sakura. He walked quickly, and Sarada struggled to keep up with his long strides. It wasn't until he was a few feet away that Gaara finally came into view, body curved slightly towards Sakura's.

Sasuke watched them together in silent rage. Back in college they'd never really talked, but Sasuke had seen Gaara more than enough times smoking on the balcony and heard enough from Naruto to know of the inappropriateness of his closeness with Sakura. He looked different now – more put together and not nearly as scruffy – and clearly Sakura was loving it.

Sasuke didn't know what Gaara was saying to her, but what he did know was that they were far too close for comfort. He watched Sakura's hands clutch at the back of Gaara's shirt, and for a moment, her face looked so bright, so warm… Sasuke hadn't seen that kind of look on her face in ages. The serenity there reminded him of college, and how carefree she'd been in the beginning. Sarada, oblivious, gave her father's hand a shake.

"We found them!" she smiled.

Sasuke had to fight to keep the rage from seeping into his gaze. "Yes. We did."

"Well, well, well, isn't this a lovely reunion?" he stepped forward with Sarada beside him.

At the sound of the familiar voice, Sakura pulled away from Gaara as if he were on fire. So fast, the redhead nearly fell over. When they were apart, Sasuke could really see her. It had only been about a week, but she looked totally different from what he remembered. Gone was the thin, pale woman with a limp curtain of frizzy hair. In her place stood someone beautiful – with hair was cut shorter than he'd ever seen it.

"Look mama! Papa came!" Sarada cheered, clearly oblivious.

"Yes…yes he did!" Sakura tried to mimic the enthusiasm, but when she stepped forward, away from Gaara, the fear was clear in her eyes. "Sasuke-kun. How…how did you—"

"My daughter called me," he was quick to cut her off. "She let me know there was a family festival going on and that I should come. Isn't that sweet?"

Gaara noted that the Sasuke was smiling, but there was something fierce and dark behind his eyes. Something that made him incredibly uncomfortable. The more steps Sakura took towards him, the stronger his urge to pull her back.

Gaara tried to take her by the hand, but his fingertips just barely grazed hers. "Sakura, I think we should—

"—it's been a while since I've seen you, Gaara." Sasuke interrupted. "What a surprise. After all these years… I didn't know you were still in contact with my wife."

"We really haven't been!" Sakura jumped in before Gaara had time to even think of a response. "We just ran into each other. By surprise."

Sakura hadn't wanted to sound so panicked, but the way Sasuke was behaving – so smooth and calm – she knew better than anyone it meant he was beyond pissed. From there, things could only get worse. Though Gaara didn't let it read on his face, he was disturbed by Sakura's reaction. He had never seen her this way before – so skittish and scared.

"I'm sure." Sasuke brushed her off. "And I'm sure you've been enjoying quite a bit of each other's' company while I've been away."

"Sasuke, listen…" Gaara tried to cut in, uncomfortable with the tone of the implication.

"No you listen, you piece of shit." Sasuke dropped Sarada's hand and leaned in close so that only the redhead could hear. "I hope you've got your fill of fucking her behind my back all these weeks, because it stops right now."

Gaara was too stunned by the violent response to react. Though she hadn't heard the comments, Sakura was quick to pull Sasuke back by the arm. She forced a wide smile.

"Sasuke, let's… maybe we should talk privately—

"Oh, we should definitely talk." Sasuke grabbed Sakura around the waist and pulled her right up against his chest. Before she could react, he forced his mouth against hers. Gaara could only watch angrily as the Uchiha made a show of the kiss, keeping Sakura firmly in place even after they'd parted. Behind them, Sarada could only stare. The bright smile on her face had quickly faded, and Gaara had a distinct feeling that even the little girl could tell something wasn't right.

"You don't know how much I've missed that." Sasuke gave Gaara a pointed look as he spoke. "You've been gone so long… we need to make up for lost time as soon as I get you back home."

At that, Sakura couldn't look Gaara in the eye. She pulled from Sasuke's hold and covered her mouth with one hand, embarrassed.

"Home?" Sarada finally spoke up. "Does this mean we have to go back to Hokkaido? 'Cause mama got a job here and I made friends!"

"A job? Is that so?" Sasuke gave Sakura a dark look. Before she could open her mouth, he cut her off. "Well, I suppose we'll talk about it later."

Though his words alluded to further discussion, both Sakura and Sarada knew better. It was very much the end of the debate.

"But that's not fair," Sarada pouted. "I like it here. I like Tokyo! And you're not even ever—"

"Don't whine," Sasuke snapped. It was clear he was losing his patience. "You're going to Grandma's for the night so Mama and I can talk."

 _Talk…_ Sakura knew what that meant, and she wasn't about to let it happen.

"No. Sarada and I have plans for the rest of tonight," Sakura spoke up suddenly, and though surprised, Gaara felt a surge of relief. He had become so used to Sakura kowtowing to Sasuke's bullying tactics, it was a shock to hear her defy him directly. For a split second, Sasuke's gaze flickered to Gaara's before he narrowed his eyes at Sakura. It was as if he could sense the connection between them.

"Frankly, I don't care what your plans were," He snapped, clearly struggling to keep a handle on his temper. "You've had your little vacation. It's time to come home."

"Maybe we can talk about this later, but I'd rather not do this tonight. Not in front of Sarada," Sakura made an effort to keep her voice calm and soft.

"Oh please. Don't act like you suddenly give a fucking shit what's she's exposed to," he snapped. Sarada's eyes went wide.

"Papa! Don't say bad words to—

"—stay out of adult business!" he snapped, and she pulled back in fright. Sakura, enraged, turned to Gaara. Her fists were clenched tightly by her sides.

"Gaara, take Sarada-chan to be with the others. Sasuke's right. We should talk. _Right now._ "

Though there was a power in her voice that Gaara liked, he couldn't help but hesitate. While he agreed that Sarada shouldn't be exposed to the arguing, the last thing he wanted was to leave Sakura alone with a pissed off Sasuke.

"We should _all_ go," he suggested. "The three of us."

Sakura could tell he was being sincere, but when she glanced back at Sasuke, shook her head. If she didn't confront him now when her feelings were clear, she wouldn't ever be able to do it again. "It's okay, I'll be right there."

"Sakura…" Gaara tried again, this time leaning in close. "I don't think it's a good idea."

Sakura took a step in and covered Gaara's cheeks with both hands. Beside them, Sarada watched, frozen in silence by the unfamiliar look on her mother's face. Again, it was the closeness she'd never seen between her mother and father. Something deep and soft and strange.

"Just trust me, okay? Please?" Sakura coaxed, looking into his eyes. "I have to do this."

There was something about the conviction in Sakura's voice that made Gaara want to kiss her, but with all the tension in the air and Sarada standing by, he knew it wasn't remotely the right time.

Instead, he nodded and made a move towards Sarada. "I'm coming back as fast as I can," Gaara said over his shoulder.

"Hey! Don't you touch my kid!" Sasuke blocked the redhead, but panicked by her father's erratic behavior, Sarada rushed forward, flinging herself into Gaara's arms.

"Oh, great. That's fucking rich," he muttered, watching with distaste as Gaara quickly lifted the little girl up.

"Let's go," Gaara said as she buried her face in his shoulder. "The faster we leave, the faster I'll be back for your mom," he insisted.

"But—"

Before Sarada could whine out a response, Gaaramade a dash back to the festival crowds. Near one of the food stalls, he caught sight of his sister's high ponytail. She broke into a smile as soon as she saw them, but quickly directed a scolding at Sarada.

"There you are, Sarada! You said you had to use the toilet– you should have waited for me to…" She trailed off as soon as she saw the teary look in the little girl's eyes coupled with her brother's stern face.

"What's going on?"

"Watch her." Gaara ignored the question and shifted Sarada into his sister's arms. "I need to go back for Sakura."

"Wait, I asked you a question! Go back for Sakura? What the hell is going on?" Temari took hold of Sarada, but tensed up - immediately sensing something wasn't right. Behind her, the rest of their friends began to gather in, concerned.

"Papa came back…" Sarada mumbled into Temari's shoulder. "He's mad. I didn't think he'd be so mad!"

"Sasuke?" Naruto's ears perked up, and a tense silence fell across the group.

"You mean you left her back there with him?" Ino narrowed her gaze at the redhead. "Are you fucking insa—

"—I said I'm going back.!" Gaara cut her off. "Just watch Sarada."

"Well we're going too!" Naruto insisted, passing Himawari into Hinata's open arms.

"We are?" Sai asked, clueless.

"Of course we are, dumbass." Shikamaru grabbed the pale-faced man by the arm and started off in a sprint after Gaara.

* * *

AN: It's been a thousand yeeeaaarrrsss. My apologies for how long this update has taken me. So many things have been happening in my life. A lot of drama, and a lot of good things, like moving into a new job I really love! Unfortunately, it's been quite busy and left me with less time than I'd like to write. So determined to finish this, though! Not long to go now, actually. So stay tuned! And thank you to all of you who have reviewed so far, for the good and the bad. Even the criticism (the constructive criticism, lol) really helps me think more about my writing and what I can do differently in the future. Hope you like this chapter!


	10. Keep Breathing

**Chapter 10: Keep Breathing**

* * *

As soon as Gaara rushed Sarada to safety, Sasuke turned on his wife. It was like a switch had been flipped, and there was no longer any need for pretense. Although she was beyond flustered by the situation, Sakura also felt relieved. No matter how she felt about her husband, she never liked letting Sarada see the arguments between them. It would only make the entire situation worse.

"So out with it then," Sasuke snapped. "How was he? Everything you ever dreamed of?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sakura tried to keep her tone level, but Sasuke wasn't having it.

"Bullshit. You've always been obsessed with that pretty boy asshole," he spat. "I hope you at least had the decency to make him use a condom."

Sakura glowered at the accusation but managed to stamp down her urge to bite back.

"This has nothing to do with Gaara," she said. "This is about you and me."

"It has everything to do with that prick!" Sasuke hissed. "I work my ass off to put you in expensive clothes and jewelry and Sarada in private school and this is how you repay me? By coming here to fuck him?"

"Jesus Christ with the projection!" Sakura finally exploded. "I mean, just listen to yourself! There's never been a moment you've been faithful to me! After all I've given you..."

"Please. I gave you Sarada—

"—No. I gave you Sarada," Sakura snapped. "And that still wasn't enough for you to treat me like a partner! All the lying and sleeping around-"

"This again…" Sasuke growled.

"You promised we would be a family!"

Though Sakura was growing more hysterical, Sasuke looked unmoved. In his mind, he'd always made sure Sakura never wanted for anything – he made enough money for she and Sarada to do anything they wanted. He might have been distant, he might have indulged in some extramarital fun, but that was nothing compared to what he could have done.

He'd never hit Sakura, he prided himself on that at least. Although she could wind him up to no end and the guilt was sometimes stifling, he'd rather bury himself in the arms of some strange woman than raise a hand to her. If he was honest with himself, in the beginning she was so perfect he couldn't handle it. It made him look like shit in comparison. So there was no other option. He had to take it out on her.

If she wanted to be with him, she had to suffer like him. Sasuke was intent on removing everyone from her life.

Her mother. Such a troublesome bitch would only meddle in their lives.

Her friends. They were only a bunch of silly minded gossips. The moment he slept with one, the whole pathetic tower of cards came tumbling down.

And Gaara… the worst of them all. He was nothing but a fraud. His own family couldn't stand him, and yet somehow, he and Sakura had become kindred spirits in college.

The more people Sakura met, the less time she'd spend thinking of him. So Sasuke made sure she would stay home with Sarada. Their daughter mattered more than her social life.

They didn't need anyone else but each other. Ever.

"What do you think life is, Sakura? My father never stayed home. He was never faithful to my mother," Sasuke looked at the ground as he spoke. "He never treated her like anything other than…"

Sakura looked up at her husband expectantly, but Sasuke silenced himself. He never talked about his family life – of what it had been like for him with his brother and his parents, but she could always assume. You didn't make the kind of money Sasuke was born into without a fair degree of sacrifice. Even if that sacrifice was family.

"Other than?" she pressed but got no response.

When she was younger, Sakura heard all about Sasuke's older brother Itachi and how he had set fire to the family home when Sasuke was at school. About how his parents had burned alive. About the claims Itachi had made of psychological and physical abuse. She'd never mentioned it to Sasuke but assumed that there must have been grains of truth. After all, it explained why he had been sent to a psychiatric facility instead of jail.

"I'm not your mother." Sakura was firm. "And you're an adult, Sasuke. It was up to you to do better than your parents."

"I am better!" Sasuke snapped. "Have I ever raised a fucking hand to you? To Sarada? All the things they did to me that I could have..."

Sakura looked at him sadly, and then stepped forward to place a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry that ever happened to you."

"Don't." Sasuke avoided her touch and grabbed her upper arm instead. "Don't talk to me like I'm some little boy. You have no fucking idea what real love is, Sakura. I'm the only one who's ever loved you."

At this, Sakura had to scoff. "Love? Be honest with yourself, Sasuke. You barely respect me."

"And him?" Sasuke challenged, enraged at the memory of his daughter springing into Gaara's arms. "You think that redheaded asshole respects you?"

"I told you this isn't about him." Sakura looked down into the dirt where she could see the empty cup of peach cocktail by her feet. When she thought of the way Gaara leaned into her, so close to something sinful, it was obvious that was a lie. There had always been a degree of longing there.

"The fuck it isn't!" Sasuke shouted, and Sakura flinched. If she was honest, during their fights she was the one who normally yelled. It was scary to see the typically level-headed man before her so livid.

"You think that he doesn't want what everyone else wants? That once he gets his dick wet he won't just move on to something better? With less baggage and a much better body?"

"You have no idea—

"—you're too stupid to see it," Sasuke grabbed Sakura by the collar of her yukata before she could step out of the way. "Men like him, men like me… when you have enough money you become untouchable. And there's not a woman alive that doesn't love that."

Sakura tried to block out the rant, but images of Gaara at his office came to mind – the way everyone, especially the women had deferred to him, the way Shijima had flirted with him so easily.

"Not a day goes by that some woman won't offer to give you anything you want in bed for a fucking trinket. Some tiffany bracelet or Prada bag."

Sakura stared at her husband in disbelief. She couldn't help but wonder, had she been that woman for him in the past? The one who did nothing more than bend over for a fancy dinner or string of pearls? The things he said…they came so easily.

"You really think you can compete with that?" he chuckled in her face. "At your age?"

'He loves me,' Sakura wanted to say. 'He loves me the way you never did,' but the words wouldn't come. After all, she wasn't sure. What did Gaara really know about all her baggage – about her temper, about her shit cooking skills, about how stubborn she could be? Was Sasuke right? Would it only be a matter of time before he was looking for something new as well?

"We both know the truth, Sakura." Sasuke held her closer, as if willing her to break. "He made you make me the enemy all those years ago. And yet, when you wanted him to save you, he didn't give you the time of day. What makes you think he gives a shit now?"

Sakura was stunned into silence.

"Oh you didn't think I had any idea, did you?" Sasuke laughed. "You didn't think I knew where you were all those nights you'd come crawling back into bed stinking of cigarettes? You didn't think I knew you'd go running to him like life is some kind of fucking fairytale?"

Suddenly, Sakura felt all rebuttal die in her throat. Had he been jealous, she wondered? All the time she'd spent with Gaara when she was lonely…she didn't think Sasuke had even noticed. Had she really been the one to destroy her own relationship?

Sakura tried hard to shake the doubt from her thoughts.

"It was your fault," she countered. "You've never wanted me to be happy. You hate yourself so much you can't stand to see me better."

"You sanctimonious bitch. You think you're so perfect," he growled. "Just wait until he sees who you really are. When he gets his fill of fucking you and all the shine wears off. I'm not going to let this pathetic behavior rub off on my kid."

"Shut up!" Sakura finally burst out, tears in her eyes. "Just shut up!"

Sakura managed to tear out of Sasuke's hold, but the force behind the effort sent her tumbling to the ground. Still, she continued. "You gave me the papers to sign and I'm signing them! I want you to stay the hell away from me! For good!"

"Don't you dare!" Sasuke, desperate, reached out to grab Sakura as she struggled to shuffle back in the grass. "You don't get to say when you're done with me. Nothing's done until I say it's done!"

Though Sakura tried to hold her own, Sasuke was fast– fast enough to grab both of her wrists and pin her down hard in the grass.

"Sasuke are you crazy?! Get off!" Sakura struggled hard in her husband's hold, trying desperately to talk sense into him. Sasuke, however, was consumed with a rage that had seemingly been building for months. She tried to yank away, but the tight summer kimono and geta made it too hard to move. Sakura threw her arm out in a last-ditch effort to push him back, but before she knew it, he'd drawn his own fist back in anger.

"Sasuke! Wait, don't-!"

It was too late.

The strike caught her completely off guard. Sakura's head whipped to the side with its force, and her body went slack. In the distance, she swore she heard a woman's scream, but wasn't convinced it hadn't been her own.

"Sakura!"

Shocked into silence, Sakura could only lie on her side in the wet grass, staring off into the dusk. Her ears rang, and her neck stung and for a moment she saw black. It was if all the rage from their marriage had been driven into that one violent act.

In all her years with Sasuke, he'd never laid a hand on her. Yes, there was screaming, shouting, sometimes intimidation, but never anything physical.

Never.

Sasuke stood over her, face white as a sheet. His features scrunched, and for one moment, it looked like he would cry or apologize or something. But when Sakura finally dragged herself back into a sitting position, he doubled down. Instead of the fear and tears he'd expected, there was rage.

"Pathetic," she managed to spit out. "You're pathetic."

"Get up!" Sasuke ordered, reaching for her in a panic. "Why did you make me…"

"No! You asshole..." Sakura raised her arms to protect her face. "Get away from me!"

Sasuke grabbed her by the wrist. "I said get up and stop acting like a fucking child!"

"Don't you put another hand on her!" A female voice cried out, and before Sakura knew it, she was being pulled back through the grass by two sets of slender arms. When she tilted her head back, she could see Ino and Temari standing behind her, panting hard, gazes fierce with anger. Slowly, the rest of the scene came into view – her friends – Shikamaru, Naruto, Sai…Gaara. They all surrounded her in a tight circle of security.

"Eight years and you come back to do this? You pathetic piece of shit," Naruto growled, gesturing to Sakura's quickly reddening face. "I was an idiot to think you might have changed."

For a brief moment Sasuke looked ashamed, but Sakura knew him best – when Sasuke was backed into a corner, the one thing he loved to do was lash out.

"You don't know anything about this," he snapped, and made a half-assed attempt to straighten his tie. "The whole time I bet she's been here giving you only half the story. You people know better than anyone that Sakura gives as good as she gets. She's a fucking-"

"Enough." Gaara broke from the circle and took a fast step forward. He didn't need to shout – the ice in his tone said it all.

All Gaara could think about was the way he'd found them. Sakura's split lip and the smear of blood on the Uchiha's knuckles. Rage overtook him, but Sakura scrambled to her feet, just quick enough to catch hold of his ankle with both hands. She remembered the scene with Deidara, and how quickly Gaara had lashed out in her defense. It had almost excited her then, but this was different. Sasuke didn't work for Gaara, and with his influence in the financial industry, the ruin he could do to Gaara's reputation would be immense. She would never be able to forgive herself if he became another casualty of her issues.

"Don't," she begged. "Please. Please Gaara, It's not worth it. He's not worth it."

Gaara looked back and saw Sakura clinging to him. Desperate, she twisted her body in the grass until she was sitting upright, looking him straight in the eye. As much as he wanted to crush Sasuke's face into the dirt, the last thing he wanted was to cause trouble for Sakura. Wordlessly, he stepped back.

"You're lucky Sakura-chan is such a good woman," Shikamaru added in from behind.

"Right," Sasuke snorted. "Such a goddamn angel, she is."

Naruto lunged in, ready to throw a punch of his own, but Sai held him back.

"You heard what fat lip said," he said, throwing a smirk over his shoulder at Sakura. "We'd be wasting our energy on this dickless asshole."

Standing there, alone on the outside of their circle, Sakura could see Sasuke's confident resolve cracking. Clearly he'd expected a fight, but instead he got dark looks of disgust. Suddenly, he was filled with a feeling he hadn't experienced in years. Shame.

"Just get out of here, Sasuke. Go back home," Sakura's voice was soft but firm as she pulled herself to her knees. "There's nothing here that belongs to you anymore."

"You heard her," Sai echoed. "No one wants you here."

"My daughter—

"Your daughter…" Ino scoffed. "What kind of example have you set for your daughter? How long is it before you hurt her too?" She gestured at Sakura and her quickly reddening cheek.

"You're lucky we don't call the police right now," Naruto snapped. "You absolute waste of space."

Sasuke looked at the ground before locking gazes with Sakura again. There was a desperation there that she wasn't familiar with. "Listen." He sighed out hard.

"This was a mistake. I know we can work this out, Sakura. We always do. You can't just take her-

"There's nothing to work out," Sakura allowed Gaara to help her to her feet. "Whatever you have to say…you say it to my lawyer from now on. It's done. We're so fucking over."

Sakura could feel Gaara's hands shaking with rage as he held her, and knew it was taking unseen levels of restraint to keep from unleashing on Sasuke. She could only thread her fingers through his to reassure him.

Sasuke observed the scene between them in disgust. "You won't get a penny from me," he insisted. "Not one cent. And if you think I'll let you and him play house together with my kid, you've got another thing coming. We're not done here."

"You need help!" Sakura screamed as Sasuke stalked past her, rubbing his knuckles clean into his suit jacket. "You need help, and I can't help you. I won't. Not anymore."

The circle widened as Sasuke pushed past, and though Sakura could feel their anger swelling, no one moved to chance after him. Instead, once he was out of sight, they all closed in again around her.

"I never should have left you alone." Gaara was first to pull her close. He was still furious, but more at himself than anything. "I take responsibility."

He tilted Sakura's face to his for a better look at her cheek. "What kind of man…"

"This is nothing. He hits like a two-year-old." Sakura forced a grin. Her heart was still racing, and she was sure she was in shock, but the last thing she wanted was for Gaara to see her in yet another pathetic state.

"I'm okay," Sakura insisted when Gaara didn't say anything, staring with the same angry, yet sorrowful look in his eyes. "I promise."

"I hear you," he said, holding her closer still.

Sakura felt herself trembling, as if she might cry, but when she caught sight of Ino and Temari giving her soft, pitying looks, quickly straightened up.

"Where's Sarada?" she asked. "Is she okay?"

"She's back with Hinata," Ino reassured her. "She's watching all the kids for us."

Gaara tightened his hold on Sakura's hand when he saw her begin to panic. "I'd advise you to sit here for a moment until—

"No, I have to take her home," Sakura tried to sound firm, but could hear her voice shaking along with her hands. "She's probably really– I just have to-

"Sakura-chan, it's okay." Naruto held her other hand. "It's over. If you stay here in Tokyo, we're all here for you. He can't control you anymore."

Sakura nodded to herself, but even as she made a slow walk with her friends back towards where Hinata was waiting for them, she wasn't sure if she really believed it. It was one thing to lay all the cards on the table with Sasuke, but it was another to actually go through the struggle of a divorce. And what about Gaara? Would he really be able to deal with that? She could practically feel his gaze on her back as she walked but felt too scared to turn around and look him in the eye.

"Mama!" Sarada came running as soon as Sakura came into view but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw her face. "Mama..."

Sakura didn't know what to say, so instead hunched down and lifted the little girl into her arms. "We have to go home now." She hugged her tightly.

"Your face… Papa...did papa hit you?" Sarada's voice was meek. "He hit you, didn't he?"

Watching them, Gaara could help but feel sorry for Sakura. How could she explain something like this to an 8-year-old? What would she say? What would she think?

"I…We'll talk about it later," she deflected. "We have to go home. Grandma's waiting."

"Is Gaara coming?" She asked. Gaara was taken aback by the question, and quickly looked to Sakura to answer.

"Gaara has a lot of things to do," Sakura answered for him, still scared to meet Gaara's gaze.

"But what if papa tries to come back to hit you again? Someone needs to be there!"

From the corner of her eye, Sakura could see the group around her begin to shift awkwardly at Sarada's outburst. She felt mortified.

"Sarada really. it's okay. I'll-

"I'll drive you home." Gaara spoke up, putting forth a command, not a request. "I have my car here. It's only practical."

Temari smiled. She was proud of the way her brother showed such care towards Sakura, but at the same time couldn't help but feel a sinking sensation in her stomach when she looked at the young woman. What happened between her and Sasuke was years of trauma. Would it really be so easy for Gaara to deal with that on his own?

"We'll see you another time." Gaara directed the terse goodbye to the group.

"I'm sorry everyone," Sakura apologized, giving each of her friends a meaningful look. "This isn't how I wanted to spend tonight, and I'm sure it's the same for all of you."

"Are you serious?" Sai smirked. "Getting to see the scared look on that asshole's face was better than an orgasm."

Ino elbowed her husband in the back, and Sakura struggled to bite back a smile. One by one, the group embraced her, murmuring kind words and goodbyes into her ears. From the way she clenched and unclenched her hands at her sides, Gaara could tell it was taking everything in Sakura's power not to burst into tears.

Just as the first night he'd taken her home, the car ride back to Sakura's house was in silence. Sarada had managed to tire herself and pass out with her head in Sakura's lap halfway through. This time, however, he looked up in the rearview mirror to find Sakura wide awake, but with her gaze cast down at the sleeping little girl in her lap. Gaara felt a tightness is chest at the bruise slowly forming near Sakura's mouth. He regretted not challenging Sasuke when he had the chance. What would happen now, he wondered? Would Sasuke come back again for her? Would Sakura really stay in Tokyo?

"You can pull in here." Sakura's soft voice disturbed Gaara's thoughts. She gestured to the gravel driveway of her mother's house. The porch light flickered on as soon as they came close.

Sakura shifted Sarada into her arms and let Gaara follow her up to the front door. Before she could even knock, it opened, and light spilled out over them. Taken aback by the bruising on her daughter's face, a look of rage hardened Mebuki's usually soft features.

"And what the hell is this?" she snapped at Gaara.

Instead of responding, Gaara deferred to the exhausted woman beside him. He could sense immediately that running off at the mouth with Sakura's mother would only get him into trouble.

"Sasuke." Sakura's voice was a mumble as she shifted her sleeping daughter in her arms. "He showed up at the festival."

"What? How?" Mebuki's voice went a little louder, but Sarada stirred only briefly before falling back into a dead slumber against Sakura's shoulder.

"Maybe I should just put her to bed and then we can..." Sakura started, but Mebuki took her daughter firmly by the wrist and down the hall. They moved quickly, without any regard for Gaara, and soon he found himself standing in the entryway, alone.

He didn't blame Sakura's mother – the fact that her daughter had shown up so late at night with a fresh bruise on her face would have sent any parent into turmoil. Still, being alone in Sakura's childhood home made Gaara unreasonably anxious. After removing his shoes, he paced awkwardly into the living area. There were so many pictures of Sakura as a young girl looking happy and lively, but the photos seemed to stop at her teenage years. Gaara paused in front of what looked like a picture of Sakura at her high school graduation. Tucked into the side of the frame was the sole portrait of Sarada– a small baby photo that looked well wrinkled and worn around the edges.

"He's kept her from me for such a long time," a soft voice startled Gaara, causing him to turn abruptly. "After a certain point, it was like she totally disappeared."

"Mrs. Haruno..." Gaara backed up into the kitchen.

"Mebuki," she interrupted, giving Gaara a hard look from head to toe.

"Mebuki," Gaara corrected himself. He felt awkward under her gaze. It wasn't as if Sakura's mother was being critical of him, but Gaara found he always had an issue speaking with other people's parents, particularly the mothers. Though he stood at least two heads taller than Mebuki, he couldn't help but feel skittish.

"She's already told me about you, Gaara." Mebuki pushed past Gaara, into the kitchen, and motioned for him to follow.

"I assure you I have only the best intentions-

"—that's enough of that." Mebuki cut him short again and pulled out a chair at the kitchen table. Gaara sat immediately as soon as she gestured.

"I suppose I have to thank you for bringing her back here. And for caring for her."

Gaara wanted to say he couldn't imagine it any other way, but everything about Mebuki's demeanor told him not to speak out of turn.

"Like I said...Sasuke's kept her away from me for a while now. I don't want that to happen again. Do you understand? I won't let her get carried away in another man's manipulation."

Mebuki gave Gaara a dark look, but there was something in the parental warning that upset him. He was used to his father constantly shaming him, didn't like the feeling that Mebuki might be doing the same to Sakura.

"Your daughter has always been strong enough to sort things out for herself," he said. Mebuki's eyes widened at the firm defense, but then she smiled to herself.

"She did this time, didn't she? Eventually."

"It would have happened with or without me. I'm sure of that," he said. Mebuki's gaze softened at the serious statement, and she stood to switch on the kettle. While Gaara stared, she began setting cups and plates out on the table in front of them. Somehow, the homey gesture made Gaara feel even more tense.

He wasn't used to anyone taking care of him in such a way and wasn't sure how to act. Should he help? Should he stop her? Should he ask about Sakura? Mebuki seemed to sense the tension in the redhead and responded by placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Sakura makes lovely cake," she said, sliding a slice of something dark onto the plate in front of him. "Have some. You look hungry."

"I'm not…" Gaara heisted.

"Don't make me have to tell her you refused," Mebuki joked, but in a way that told Gaara not to push his luck. As soon as he took a bite, it was as if a little bit of anxiety melted away. The cake was nice – a little dry, but spiced with ginger and nutmeg and not too sweet. It reminded him of college, and Sakura's habit of bringing over baked goods whenever she felt lonely. Before he knew it, Gaara found himself taking another slice.

"Hey. You're still here." Sakura stepped out from the hallway into the kitchen. Under the fluorescent lighting, Garaa could see her more clearly – the way her cheek had started to swell and purple, and how her eyes were red-rimmed from crying. "Don't tell me you're hassling him, mom."

"It's fine." Gaara stood up suddenly, jarring the table in front of him. Mebuki couldn't help but snicker as he tried to still the quivering cups. Even Sakura smiled. She'd never seen him look so unsure before.

"How are you?" He finally asked.

"Just tucked Sarada in. She's dead to the world." She tried to sound cheerful, but it came across hollow.

"I'm glad, but I asked about you," Gaara said seriously, gesturing at her cheek.

"It's not as bad as it looks, really. A couple of days and I'm sure…" Sakura started to force another grin, but when she saw the intense way Gaara was looking at her, the tears welled up again.

At this, Mebuki rose and made a quiet exit from the kitchen.

"We can always file a police report…" Gaara trailed off as soon as Sakura began to shake her head.

"I can't even think straight, Gaara. All I want to do is put this behind me," she sighed, and dropped into the chair across from him at the kitchen table. "Just sign the papers and hope he'll finally give it a damn rest."

Gaara sat and pulled his chair close so that their knees touched.

"I'm proud of the way you confronted him tonight," he said.

With those words, Sakura felt a bit of tension loose from her shoulders. Her cheek still smarted and she knew her face would look like hell in the morning, but somehow with Gaara near her, she felt safe.

"It was a good night." she reached forward and squeezed his fingertips. "I mean…before Sasuke. It was a good night. I just felt I should let you know that."

Gaara only nodded at first, but then looked at Sakura more seriously. It had been a traumatic night for her, but it had also cemented something for him - if he didn't say exactly what he felt, when he felt it, it could very quickly become too late. He couldn't wait another eight years just to do this all over again.

"It's always good between us," he said. "I don't believe in things like fate, but… that's what it feels like, doesn't it?"

Sakura was shocked to hear him explain himself so plainly. Gaara had never been a man of many words, but it seemed like recently he'd been giving her more and more. She liked it.

"Y-yes," she stammered dumbly. "I…I really… I think…what I mean to say is…"

Gaara waited patiently for Sakura to finish her thought, but under his intense gaze she couldn't help but feel choked. Sasuke had always rejected her feelings – she wasn't sure what could possibly change this time around. Panicked, Sakura did the only thing she could think of, and made a jerking move forward to close the distance between them. Their lips bumped briefly, too briefly, and Sakura pulled back with a red face.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have—

Gaara didn't let her continue. Instead, he wove his hand into her hair and pulled her back in the rest of the way. When Sakura opened her mouth against his, the bittersweet tang of peach sugar and blood stung his tongue. For a moment it was like they were teenagers again. From the way her small hands fisted his shirt, to the steady, but possessive way he held her to his chest.

Gaara had forgotten how easy it was to lose himself in her completely. He didn't understand how Sasuke could ever want anything else.

"Gaara…" Sakura, suddenly conscious of her mother waiting in the next room, placed a hand on his leg to keep herself upright. She'd intended to gently push away, but instead slid it lazily up between his thighs. Combined with the feel of her kiss, the accidental groping triggered a fire in Gaara, and Sakura felt the reaction immediately.

Beet red, she made a move to pull away, but Gaara held her hand still on his lap. When she met his gaze, it was teasing.

"Gaara what?" he mocked her.

"Are you two doing okay?" Mebuki's voice sounded off from the living room but was quickly getting closer. "Can I get you more tea?"

Like two naughty schoolchildren, Gaara and Sakura sprang away from each other, Sakura trying hard to look anywhere but the front of Gaara's trousers.

Gaara was quick to stand, but Sakura turned her back to him. "Where's your restroom?" He managed to blurt out.

"Down the hall. On your left," she gestured with one hand. "Go!"

Before Mebuki made another entrance, Gaara rushed down the hall, shut himself in the bathroom and sighed out hard. He'd never had an issue controlling himself around women, but this was different. It was one thing to think about Sakura, but it was another to touch and kiss her in real life.

'Think of something neutral,' he told himself, pacing. 'Flowers. Cacti.'

Gaara conjured up an image of the potted cactus Sakura had given him sitting proudly on his shelf. Tiny pink petals spread open wide, moist and dewy under the spray of his—

"Stop." Gaara scolded himself in the mirror. 'What are you, Kankuro?' He ran the tap and splashed a little water in his face.

When he opened the door, instead of seeing Sakura, Sarada was standing in the doorway of her bedroom, looking dazed and sleepy.

"Are you sleeping over?" she asked. It was an innocent question, but for a moment made Gaara nervous.

He crouched and placed a hand on top of her head. "I'm not."

"Papa never did that before." her eyes welled with tears. "He never hit her…I don't think."

Gaara didn't know what to say, so instead started to turn her around in the doorway.

"Why did he hit her?" Sarada began to sniffle. "I don't understand what she did."

"Why do you think she did something?" Gaara frowned.

"I…I don't know. He just always says…" Sarada faltered. "It's not fair. He's always mean to her. I don't get why."

"Sarada, your father is…" Gaara started, but then stopped himself before he went too far. As livid as he was, it wasn't his place to say anything about Sakura's relationship to her daughter. "I don't know, Sarada. I don't understand either."

He took Sarada by the hand and led her back into the bedroom.

"Everyone else is nice to her. You're nice to her." Sarada pouted as she crawled back into the bed.

"I care about your mother a great deal." Gaara said and pulled the sheets snugly around the girl's body. He figured it was a vague enough statement to be appropriate, but still meaningful.

"It's like he doesn't like her at all," Sarada's voice dropped to a whisper. "Mama always says we have to be nice, but it's not fair. He never comes home, he never spends time with us. It's like he doesn't love us."

"Sarada…. Sometimes adults don't always get along the way they should. They love, but they love in the wrong ways." Gaara gave her hair a stroke and removed her glasses for bed. When he saw her bare face, he was instantly taken by how much the girl suddenly resembled her mother.

"I don't get it," Sarada mumbled into the pillow.

"Adult things are often hard to understand." Gaara switched off the bedside lamp. "Even for me."

He placed his hand on her head again, and Sarada reached up to squeeze it.

"You can't be my dad," she said suddenly. "I already have a dad."

Gaara didn't know what to say, but for some reason the way Sarada was looking at him, as if she was scared to let go, made him feel less offended.

"…but you have to stay," she continued. "Or else mama will keep being sad. She needs you to be around."

Instead of responding, Gaara stroked the little girl's hair until she drifted to sleep. He could tell Sarada was confused, but so was he. Sasuke had a dream life, and still he took it for granted – his wife and his child.

"Hey," Sakura came up behind Gaara just as he backed out and closed the door to Sarada's room. "Is everything okay?"

"She woke up," Gaara explained. "Just putting her back to bed."

"I'm really sorry about all this," she said again. "It seems everything about my life is always so dramatic."

"I'm used to it," Gaara deadpanned, and Sakura couldn't help but smile.

"Addicted to it, maybe?" She stepped forward, leaning in as if to kiss him again, but Gaara held her at arm's length. Somehow, the thought of Mebuki catching them sent a chill down his spine.

"I should let you rest," he said, but as soon as he did, noticed the slight downturn in Sakura's lips. He remembered Sarada's innocent words. 'You have to stay. She needs you to be around.'

"I'll come by tomorrow," he insisted.

"No…don't worry. You don't have to check up on me." Sakura waved him off, but Gaara took her hand and held it firmly.

"It's like you said. I'm addicted."

Gaara gave her fingers a squeeze and started to turn for the front door, but Sakura caught him by the elbow.

"I wish it were different," she blurted, holding on to the fabric of his shirt. "I just really want you to know that."

Gaara used his hand to smooth back the hair from her face. Suddenly, he could see Sarada's sad eyes staring back at him. "It is different," he assured her.

"Sakura?" Mebuki popped her head in around the corner, and Gaara took it as his cue to head off. With a knowing smile, Sakura watched Gaara step off the porch and move quickly towards his car. She couldn't hold it against him. After all, he'd never grown up dealing with involved parents, and Mebuki certainly was a bit of a terror.

Sakura listened to the engine turn over, and Gaara held her gaze for a moment before backing out of the drive.

"Well. You didn't tell me he was gorgeous," Mebuki chuckled as Sakura shut the door behind her. "Strange, but gorgeous."

Sakura turned a bright red. "Mother. Please."

"He acted like I was going to strangle him or something." She made a wringing gesture with her hands.

"Oh gee I wonder why," Sakura rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you put the fear of God into him."

"Can you blame me?" Mebuki chided, gesturing at her daughter's swollen jawline. There was an awkward silence, and her eyes filled with tears.

"Mom…" Sakura hugged her mother around the waist. "Mom I'm fine. I swear."

"I know. It's just…" Mebuki sniffled, then caught Sakura's chin in her hand. "You really do like the troubled souls, don't you?"

"He's not…" Sakura started, but then smiled dimly to herself. "I don't know. Maybe there's some truth in that."

Mebuki eyed her daughter curiously for a moment, but then shrugged. "He seems nice enough. Maybe a little bit of a pushover. After all, he ate that shit cake you made."

Sakura turned around on a dime. "You gave him that?! Mom it's been sitting out for a week!"

"What? It was a test!"

"You really are the worst…" Sakura frowned, but couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of the usually dominant redhead choking down stale cake in front of her mother. He was so different now, but so was she.

Could they really make it work?

* * *

AN: Phew, another day, another ridiculous delay! Thank you for sticking with me on this everyone, and hopefully you like this update! I really appreciate all the lovely words of support, and to know there are so many of you who enjoy this story. :) I know it's a long one, but let me know what you think!


	11. Sleep Alone

**AN: I'm baaaaccckkkkkk! Enjoy chapter 11 you lovelies!**

 **Chapter 11: Sleep Alone**

* * *

"What the hell happened to you?" Tsunade nearly dropped her mug at the sight of Sakura's face as soon as she walked in.

Sakura grimaced. Although her head felt like someone had backed into it ten times with a mac truck, when her alarm went off at 4am, she had been determined to make it in to the clinic for her first shift back at the hospital. Unfortunately, that meant showing up with a shiner the size of Osaka on her cheek.

"Accident," Sakura mumbled, trying her best to keep from saying too much – for the sake of her head and her privacy.

"Accident? What accident? It looks like someone tried to knock you out," Tsunade half-joked, but when Sakura didn't smile back, the blonde rushed over to inspect her face.

"Jesus Christ Sakura." Tsunade grabbed the young woman by the chin. "Did someone actually…"

"`I don't want to talk about it." Sakura pulled away and started to pin her hair up. "My personal life shouldn't have anything to do with my job. You were the one who once told me that, weren't' you?"

"Oh don't give me that bullshit," Tsunade spotted Sakura reaching for a stack of patient files and immediately snatched them out of her reach. "You can't walk in here looking like a poster child for domestic violence and expect me to ignore it!"

"I'm telling you I don't want to get into this. Sasuke is—

Sakura stopped herself, and Tsunade let out a hard sigh.

"So, he's here." Tsunade folded her arms over her chest. "Is that why you don't want to talk? Because you're going back with him?"

"Tsunade, look at my face. I don't want anything to do with him. I may have been a moron 8 years ago, but certainly not now," Sakura snapped. "I signed divorce papers last night and mailed them to the lawyer this morning."

"Well I'm glad to hear it," Tsunade breathed a sigh and stepped in close to get a better look at Sakura's face. "I hope you took photos of this. For the police report."

Sakura gave a dark chuckle. "Tsunade, do you really think that if I report this anything will happen? To Sasuke fucking Uchiha? You know who his family is."

"Of course I know, but Sakura, you can't just—

"Look. Like I said… I really don't want to do this. Dragging this out, dragging him through the mud… I have a daughter involved. I just want to move on." Sakura's voice grew quiet with the last statement. She thought about Sarada, and how she hadn't been able to sleep the night before. The way she'd had to crawl into the little girl's bed and hold her until she calmed down. It had been ages since she'd had to comfort her that way.

And now that she had finally made the decision to split from Sasuke, the last thing she wanted was to stir up even more drama by getting the police involved.

"I understand what you're saying, but is this the kind of thing you want to show her is okay? That someone who claims to love you can hit you and get away with it? That it's something to tolerate in silence?" Tsunade challenged. Her tone was harsh, but Sakura couldn't deny the sentiment was true.

"I don't know what else I can say," Sakura mumbled. "Bruises go away, but the emotional stuff… that can last a lifetime. I don't want that for her."

"I…" Tsunade faltered when she saw the conflicted look in Saikura's eyes. "I understand. Just know I'm glad to have you back, Sakura."

Sakura looked down at the papers on Tsunade's desk and nodded. After so long, it meant the world to hear those words from her old mentor. The woman she was convinced she'd let down so many years ago. It made her emotional. But before she could even think about shedding a single tear, Tsunade was handing her a stack of patient files.

"Now get started with these. Our computing system has been down for weeks and we don't have the budget to fix it. It's back to good old-fashioned desk filing!"

"Jesus Christ…" Sakura felt a headache building.

For the first time in over 8 years, Gaara slept through his alarm. After the events of the night before, his thought and body were restless, and it wasn't until well after 5 in the morning that he had settled into something vaguely resembling sleep.

At exactly 9:15 am, there was a knock at the door, rousing Gaara into a bleary stupor. Still bare-chested and only in a pair of sweatpants, he made his way to the door. Instead of looking through the peephole as usual, he pulled it open without thinking. An older red-headed copy of him stared back, hard.

"Dad?" Gaara blurted. He shocked himself with the informality, and for a moment, even Rasa seemed confused.

Instead of mentioning it, however, his father was business as usual.

"It's not like you to miss a morning meeting," Rasa said, taking in his son's unusually dishevelled nature.

"I felt ill." Gaara combed through his hair with one hand. "I'll be working from home today."

"You need to inform us when you won't be in the office," his father pressed. "24 hours' notice. These are basic guidelines we all abide by."

Gaara ignored the lecture and held firm to the edge of the doorframe. "Is that all?"

Rasa looked into the apartment, over Gaara's shoulder, as if searching for something. "You're still attending tonight's ceremony, aren't you?"

"It's my duty, isn't it?" Gaara frowned.

"And will you be attending alone?"

"I think you know the answer to that." Gaara stared his father down. After a long, tense silence, Rasa spoke.

"I'd like to come in," he said, but it sounded more to Gaara like a demand than a request. Although the last thing he wanted that morning was a sit down with his father, Gaara found himself deferring to Rasa yet again. He opened the door wide and the older man's gaze swept the room slowly, taking in every inch of the apartment's condition. Though he rarely visited, Gaara knew his father would make a mental note if anything seemed out of place.

Unconcerned with the snooping, Gaara straight to the kitchen and started the coffee machine. "Would you like a drink?" He asked without looking up.

"No time." Rasa said and laid out a series of thickly bound file folders on the table top. Thinking they were some new case files, Gaara opened one without thinking.

Instead of wordy reports, however, Gaara was confronted with a large, professional headshot. It was a woman in a traditional kimono, short dark hair and severe looking gaze. To the right of the photo were her height and weight, along with a short personal history. One line in particular gave him pause.

' _I enjoy needlepoint crafts, archery, and fine dining. I look for a future husband who will welcome a large family and is unafraid to lead with confidence.'_

Gaara gave a bemused chuckle. "Surely you're kidding."

"You're doing yourself a disservice," Rasa warned as Gaara flipped the portfolio shut. "There are a number of women here from good backgrounds. Highly educated—

"I'm not going to tell you again to stop bothering with this," Gaara snapped. Rasa narrowed his eyes and his gut dropped. Despite how he felt about his father, Gaara didn't usually bite back so aggressively. But instead of receiving a hit or a smack, there was nothing.

Rasa cleared his throat.

"You're approaching 30," he said. "Despite what you may think, marriage isn't just a woman's problem; it says something about a man in business. The way you are nowadays… people will start to wonder if—

"-I'm seeing someone," Gaara silenced his father's brewing accusation. Again, he wasn't sure what possessed him to make the declaration, but once it was out, he couldn't take it back.

Rasa raised a brow. "You didn't mention this."

 _Because it's none of your business_ , Gaara wanted to say, but instead focused on filling his mug with coffee.

"Who are her family? What does she do?" his father pressed.

Gaara was immediately uncomfortable. "She's in medicine," he said, deciding to keep the response as vague as possible. It wasn't as if he was ashamed of Sakura, but Gaara knew from a lifetime of grief that letting his father in on anything to do with his personal life was always dangerous.

Rasa seemed unsatisfied but scooped up the portfolios with one hand. "I look forward to seeing her with you tonight."

"I'm not sure that's possible," Gaara put his cup down completely and passed a hand through his rumpled locks. "She's very busy."

"A good woman knows when to make sacrifices for the man in her life." Rasa frowned.

"She _is_ a good woman," Gaara challenged. "Make no mistake."

"Then I'll see you both there," Rasa said with finality, and slid the portfolios back into his briefcase. Before Gaara could protest, he was out the door.

"Shit," Gaara muttered to himself. What had he done? Everything with Sakura was still fresh, and if he was honest with himself, he wasn't even completely sure if there was anything romantic between them. Yes, there had been a kiss, but who knew how Sakura felt about the situation in the light of day?

 _Why did I say that? Why didn't I just leave it?_

Gaara tried to convince himself for years that he didn't care about Rasa's approval, but deep down he knew it wasn't as simple as that. Even as a child Gaara wanted his father to know he was worth something – and now it was important to show him that he didn't need Rasa's influence over his life. He'd made money for the company, become someone important, and now… now he had someone who made him happy.

Gaara took a look at his watch and sighed before shooting off a text message to Yukata instructing her to push all his meetings to tomorrow.

He was now a man on a mission.

* * *

When Gaara pulled up to Sakura's house, he wasn't sure what to expect. So much had happened so quickly. Would she have a change of heart? Was Sarada still shaken? Would Mebuki answer and decide to terrorise him?

With a soft sigh of defeat, Gaara braced himself and rang the doorbell. As If reading his mind, Mebuki opened the door with a wry smile.

"Well, well, well. Look who's back." She put her hands on her hips.

"Good morning, Miss Haruno." Gaara tried to be a s formal as possible, despite Mebuki's chiding the night before. "I'd like to speak to Sakura."

"Oh and here I thought you'd come back to chat with me!" She feigned hurt. "Sorry, Gaara. She's' at work."

"Work?" Gaara frowned, thinking of the bruising on Sakura's face from the night before. "Honestly?"

"She left at the crack of dawn before I could stop her. That girl…always doing her own thing." She smirked at Gaara, and he couldn't help but agree. Ever since he'd known her, Sakura had always been painfully stubborn. It was attractive, but infuriating.

"Well, would you mind—

"Would you like to come in for some cake?" Mebuki interrupted with a grin. Gaara started to decline, but from the kitchen doorway, Sarada suddenly popped up.

"Cake? But didn't mama say to throw that away? Cause it's old? And-"

"That's about enough, Sarada!" Mebuki chuckled nervously. Sarada started to protest but stopped as soon as she caught sight of the redhead in the doorway.

"Gaara!" She cheered, running up to him. "You're here again!"

"I am." Gaara said. Mebuki watched with interest as he reached down to smooth a cowlick in Sarada's hair. It was a simple act, but one of warmth and familiarity.

"You look weird today." Sarada pursed her lips and placed a finger on her chin, thinking. Gaara watched her dark eyes scan over his figure from head to toe.

"He's in casual clothes. Very dressed down," Mebuki filled in for Gaara, who couldn't help but feel the remark was a slight dig.

He rarely went anywhere without making sure he looked his best, but that morning he had been so scatter-brained. Instead of taking the time to get ready, he'd chosen to show up in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. And he could only imagine what his hair looked like…

"I'm working from home today," Gaara said, feeling the need to explain. "I just thought I'd drop by and check on your mother."

"She left really early to go to work," Sarada pouted. "But you can come in and play with me while you wait for her."

"That's not necess—"

"Yes, Gaara." Mebuki pulled the redhead in by the arm. "That would be a great idea. And perfect timing - I was just about to pop out to the shop to get some groceries."

"Well, as I said I'm working from—

"Great! I have some clay – we can make a zoo!" Sarada dragged Gaara in by the hand before he could finish the protest.

Soon, Mebuki was out the front door and Gaara was sitting on the living room tatami with Sarada, pinching bits of clay into animal shapes for their own personal zoo. He hated to admit it, but after months of endless meetings without a single sick day, it was strangely relaxing. Gaara had just finished up making what vaguely resembled a giraffe when Sarada turned around to face him.

"Is the reason my dad got mad last night because you're doing sex with mama?" she asked.

"What!?" Startled, Gaara crushed the giraffe-like shape in his palm. "Where did you hear—"

"I talked to Inojin on the phone this morning and he says that's why moms and dads break up. When they do sex with other people."

"Sarada I…" Gaara looked around behind him, mentally willing Mebuki to make a sudden return. "Do you even know what that means?"

"I'm not really sure," Sarada pressed a few hunks of clay together into a round shape and then began rolling them into little logs. "But Inojin said it's when you put—

"—I think actually we shouldn't discuss this," Gaara interrupted. He couldn't imagine the sort of trouble he might get in if Sakura knew he was giving her 8-year-old daughter a birds and the bees chat. "And neither should you and Inojin, for that matter. I strongly doubt he has much first-hand knowledge on the subject."

' _Or at least I hope not.'_

"But _he said_ —

"Your mother and I aren't doing that," Gaara said quickly. ' _Unfortunately,'_ a salacious thought crossed his mind, but he was quick to shake it loose. "We've been friends for a long time and…"

"And?" Sarada pressed. She looked frustrated by his evasion, but Gaara was stuck.

Sarada was a child, but she wasn't an idiot. If his friends had picked up on the somewhat romantic nature between them, surely, she had as well.

"And, well…"

"I'm baaack!" Mebuki sounded off from the hallway and Gaara breathed out a deep breath.

' _Thank God,'_ he thought, springing up from the floor to greet her.

"How was it?" Mebuki stood in the doorway with a bag of vegetables slung over her shoulder. Gaara, smoothing his hair back with one hand, just cleared his throat.

"Enlightening," he managed. "I'll try back another time. Tell Sakura to give me a call."

"A call about what?" Sakura appeared behind her mother in a pair of seafoam green scrubs. From the way they clung to her hips and chest, Gaara could tell they were more than a little too small for her. Sakura caught him staring at the puckering fabric and blushed.

"I had to wear my old ones until Tsunade could get me a regulation pair," she said softly. "Mortifying to know how much I've let myself go in 8 years."

"Let yourself go?" Gaara looked incredulous. If anything, he loved the way she'd filled out. "Sakura—

"Great that you're home, Sakura." Mebuki interrupted him with a knowing smirk. "It's not a good look sneaking out at the crack of dawn. Maybe you should change before you start chatting with Gaara?"

Sakura frowned at her mother and took Gaara by the hand, leading him outside. Once she'd shut the door behind her, she gave the redhead an apologetic look.

"Anyway…" Sakura sighed." Tsunade sent me home early on a half day. Something about scaring the patients with my face."

"How does it feel?" Gaara asked, coming close to survey the damage to her cheek.

"It looks worse than it feels, to be honest. The bruising should calm down in a few days." Sakura smiled, but when Gaara didn't say anything else, felt uneasy. "You mentioned wanting me to give you a call. Is everything okay? Is this about last night?"

She hesitated and then leaned in, lowering her voice. "Look, I know emotions were high and if you just want to forget we ever—

Gaara leaned down and caught Sakura's chin in his hand before kissing her squarely on the mouth. It only lasted a second, but caught in the shock, she shut up immediately.

"I know this is very short notice," he said before she could sputter out a response. "But I have a dinner tonight that I'd like you to attend."

"Dinner?" Sakura mumbled.

"More of a work obligation, really. But I'd like you to come with me."

"With you?"

"As my date," he said firmly.

"Date?"

Gaara sighed aloud. "Sakura, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't just repeat everything I'm saying."

Still dazed, Sakura nodded at first, but then shook her head hard. "Gaara I can't! I mean, I'm flattered, but there's no way I could show up at a work event looking the way I am right now. What would people think?"

She gestured wildly at her face with both hands.

"Since when do you care what people think?" Gaara challenged. He could hear Rasa's voice in the back of his head.

' _A good woman knows when to make sacrifices for her man.'_

"A little bruising shouldn't stop you from accompanying me," he added.

Sakura studied Gaara's reaction with curiosity. Though caught off guard, she had been flattered by the invite, but still… it felt so sudden. They hadn't even seriously discussed being seen together in a romantic way, and now he wanted her to go to a work dinner with him as his date? She hadn't even had a real conversation with Sarada about everything!

"The bruising isn't the biggest problem, Gaara," she frowned.

"Then what is it?" Gaara could feel himself growing impatient. The more Sakura resisted, the more he could see was Rasa's look of disapproval looming in his mind's eye.

"Think about it." Sakura crossed her arms against her chest. "Sasuke owns one of the biggest banks in Tokyo. Surely your company has done or will do business with him in some form. People who know him know we're still married! Once you're seen with me… don't you think people will speculate? Don't you think _your father_ will? It'll be a total embarrassment."

"I…"

"Come on, Gaara.. You'll be seen as a cheat showing up with another man's wife."

"People can say what they want. You could never embarrass me," Gaara insisted, but gave in when Sakura only offered a scoff.

"Well it's not just about you!" She cried. _"I'm_ going to be the one that's seen as some cheap whore! And after last night don't you think I've been humiliated enough?"

"Sakura—

"Look, I get that you want to stick it to your father or Sasuke or whatever, but this isn't the way to do this. Not at my expense."

"It's not about that!" Gaara said, but the way he snapped at her made Sakura frown.

"Of course it is! I mean, where else is it coming from? The entire time I've known you, you've never cared about things like these before."

"You've never been mine before." He reached for her, but Sakura stepped back. "It's important to me that people know we're together."

"My own _daughter_ doesn't know that we're 'together'," Sakura bit back in a harsh whisper. "And what is this 't _ogether_ ,' anyway? A few kisses? Me touching your dick? This isn't high school!"

Gaara went a pale red at the last statement. "Sakura—

"Maybe Sasuke was right," Sakura snapped. "Men…they're all the same. They want all of the smiles and the arm candy, and none of the responsibility."

"How could you say that to me? After everything we've—" Gaara grabbed for her arm, but Sakura pulled back sharply.

"Don't you fucking dare." She tried to sound firm, but after the night before couldn't still the quaver of panic in her voice. "I'm _**not going**_ **."**

"Sakura," Gaara tried again in a softer tone. "I wasn't trying to—

"Mama?" Sarada pushed open the front door and came running up to Sakura, ignoring the tension between the two. "Finally! Can I sleep over at Inojin's tonight? He and Boruto are doing a movie night and I wanna go!"

Sakura couldn't help but smile as the mini Uchiha flung herself at her leg. Considering everything that had happened the night before, she was delighted to see her daughter smiling. Ignoring Gaara, she shifted the little girl into her arms. Watching the two of them, Gaara couldn't help but take it as his cue to leave.

"I suppose I'll see you another time," he said. Sakura didn't meet his gaze.

He wanted to kiss her forehand, stroke her hair, hug her – any little bit of affection to let her know he cared, but with the way she held Sarada in her arms like a barrier, he could tell that she was intentionally freezing him out.

"Okay," Sakura said softly. "See you."

"See you! Come back soon!" Sarada waved, oblivious.

Sakura ignored the redhead as he pulled out of the driveway and headed back inside. Though she felt a little foolish at her reaction, she also felt justified. She had a daughter – she had a divorce to go through – she couldn't risk making another bad decision for the sake of a man.

"Alright, you can go. But I'll have to speak to Ino first," Sakura said, and placed Sarada down in the entryway.

"YES!" she cheered.

"So…" Mebuki shooed a jovial Sarada into the living room and turned to her daughter.

"So…?" Sakura shot back with sarcasm. There was a silence, and she watched her mother start to unload laundry from the dryer. A second later, Mebuki snapped a towel at her daughter's face.

"Ow! _Jesus!_ So, I yelled at him, okay!" Sakura fired back.

"I heard," Mebuki said, throwing the towel back into the basket. "I understand you're being cautious, but was it worth all that?"

Sakura was momentarily shocked by her mother's reaction. If anything, she'd expected Mebuki to be on her side.

"Come on, mom. How could he ask me to go to a dinner like that with him? Especially looking like this! It had to be desperation."

"Even if that's true… is it really so bad? To be desperate to be seen with someone you care about?"

Sakura nearly snorted at the statement. "Mom, get real. Sasuke Uchiha's wife, the one everyone knows he cheats on, showing up on the arm of Gaara Sabaku? It would be an absolute shitshow."

"Look, I'm not saying you're wrong." Mebuki folded up a pair of Sarada's pyjamas and put them on top of the pile. "You're not. I'm just saying…there's good in this. He wants people to know you mean something to him. You told me about his father… that must be big."

Sakura bowed her head. Yet again, her mother was annoyingly right. Given the little she knew about Rasa, Gaara must have truly been serious to even mention her to the man. And when she thought back to her relationship with Sasuke, she could count the times he'd brought her to a dinner or event _or even introduced her as his wife_ on one hand.

Yes, it was desperate, but it meant something.

* * *

Later that evening, Gaara had done as much as he could to avoid the awards dinner, but when 8 o'clock rolled by, he found himself in the entryway of his office's grand hall, facing his father's disapproving stare.

"At least you've showed up. Even if your woman couldn't be bothered," he frowned.

" _Don't go there with me,"_ Gaara wanted to say, but could only remain mute. Just three or four hours there and he could retreat back home to the silence of his apartment to chainsmoke and brood.

"You're lucky Shijima's date fell through as well." Rasa gestured to the tall woman across the hall who was happily chatting with stakeholders. "Perhaps you should go make nice."

Though kissing up to Shijima was the last thing Gaara wanted to do, the modelesque woman was quick to catch his gaze from across the room. She looked effortlessly stunning as usual in a dark, backless evening gown and stiletto heels. Her hair was up and pulled away to expose the delicate lines of her collarbone. Gaara remembered a time when he might have been drawn to her, but now his mood only soured. All he could think about was Sakura, and how for the first time in his life he felt insecure by himself.

"Gaara!" Shijima smiled brightly and waved him over. "There you are. I was just talking about you."

As Gaara approached he felt a sense of dread at having to enter into mindless chitchat with other financiers, but that dread intensified when he saw who Shijima was talking to. The ink black hair, the cold eyes, the harsh smirk…

"This is Uchiha-san," she gestured politely to the man beside her. "You know? Of the Uchiha banking company? We've done some accounts for them in the past, but he's never graced us with his presence before. He usually runs the business out of Hokkaido. It's such a delight that he's come in to our little ceremony, don't you think?"

"I've told you already, Shijima… call me Sasuke," Sasuke gave her a wink.

" _Sasuke_." Shijima smiled and gave Gaara a coy look from the corner of her eye.

Gaara felt his body go rigid.

"Nice to meet you, Gaara." Sasuke smirked and extended his hand to the redhead.

Though he wanted nothing more than to smash the Uchiha's face into the nearest wall, Gaara knew that in that moment that the best thing to do was to keep his cool.

"Right," he took his hand reluctantly. "Nice to meet you."

"I'll leave you two to chat," Shijima bowed low and made her exit.

"I assume you've already had a taste of that?" Sasuke asked, watching Shijima sway away to the other side of the room. "But then again, I suppose if you knew what to do with a real woman, you wouldn't be bothering with Sakura."

Before Gaara could open his mouth, a bubbly young woman with dyed blonde curls came past with a tray of champagne and spirits.

"Drink?" she butted in with a grin.

Sasuke took a new glass of whisky, and Gaara grabbed a champagne flute to give him something non-violent to do with his hands.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Gaara hissed through his teeth.

"It's like Shijima said. Your company has done business for mine in the past. Trivial, really, but I thought – what the hell. This would be the perfect opportunity to expand that work. We'd heard a lot about how you're doing here. How you're getting awards…. We could always use a few extra consultants. It was great of Sakura to bring us together this way, wasn't it?"

"None of our staff have any desire to work with you," Gaara snarled. "Least of all me."

"Oh come now, don't make business dealings based on pussy," Sasuke chuckled. "Especially not my sloppy seconds."

"I'm not going to listen to this." Gaara turned his back on Sasuke.

"I'd heard you were bringing someone tonight, you know. I thought it might be her," Sasuke said. The vague mention of Sakura stopped Gaara in his tracks.

"She couldn't come," Gaara said. "And with you here, now I'm glad."

"Smart girl. That kind of scandal…you'd never live it down. What would you look like…going around with someone else's wife? I mean obviously she'd come off as a whore, but at least I could pretend I had no idea she was fucking you behind my back."

Gaara felt his cheeks going red with shame and anger. Sakura was right – he had been so concerned with showing up his father that he hadn't thought about the impact to her life or Sarada's.

"The tie between you two will be over soon enough. Then there won't be any hiding."

Sasuke scoffed and shook his head. "You have no idea how this is going to play out. Sakura has never left me before. Why would she do a thing like that now?"

"She's a smart woman who knows exactly what she wants," Gaara snarled. "And frankly, you should be thanking your goddamn lucky stars I didn't bring her tonight. With the way you battered her… how would _that_ look?"

The smirk immediately dropped from Sasuke's lips, and his gaze darted to the side. Behind them, other dressed up men and women filed around, chatting aimlessly, oblivious to the swelling anger between them. Clearly uneasy, he turned and motioned out to the balcony with a nod of his head. Gaara reluctantly followed him outside.

"She…" Sasuke paused and drained the rest of the liquid in his glass. "How is she with that, anyway? Is she alright?"

"That's not your concern anymore," Gaara was sharp. "She's too good of a woman to keep you from Sarada, but I'd say you should consider your relationship with Sakura over."

"Over, huh?" Sasuke tried to force a laugh, as if he didn't care, but the sound wouldn't come. "You don't understand anything. She would never turn her back on me. She's never…"

"She gave too much with you," Gaara placed his untouched glass of champagne down on the railing behind him. "You never deserved her. You know that better than anyone."

He started to turn away, but Sasuke stepped back into his personal space.

"You know I don't know why you bother with her," Sasuke snapped, but Gaara could hear desperation in his tone. "She can't cook, she argues over fucking everything, Sarada practically ruined what little figure she had…"

"I love her," Gaara was calm. "I know such a thing is foreign to you, but I do. She was the first person to care for me, exactly as I was. I'll never forget that, and I'll always accept her exactly the way she is."

"She's _mine._ " Sasuke growled, white knuckling his glass. All of a sudden, standing there on the balcony in the muggy night, Gaara had a chance to really take him in. Sasuke wasn't the intimidating, powerful man he'd once envied in school. The person who stood before him was nothing but a hysterical child trying to grasp at straws – at any excuse to control the woman in his life that had been a constant for years.

"You can't keep clinging to her because you're scared of being alone, Sasuke," Gaara muttered. "You don't own her."

"Fuck you, I own everything!" Sasuke challenged. "And spare me the soft-hearted bullshit. You think you're better than me? You have a few coins and now you want to try and pick her up the way I did. Well let me tell you something – she's not a tight little teen anymore. She's a mother. She's done fuck all with her life since you knew her and you're wasting your time on nothing!"

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Gaara folded his arms against his chest.

Sasuke, taken back by Gaara's calm reaction, didn't know what to say.

"You have a daughter who's growing older every day. She knows more than you think, and one day she'll be a woman too. A woman like Sakura who will want nothing more than a partner who loves her. But if she grows up watching you…listening to you…"

"You –you keep her fucking name out of your mouth," Sasuke grabbed for the collar of Sasuke's suit jacket. "My daughter is—Sarada is—

"Be a fucking man and leave her alone," Gaara pried Sasuke's hands from his shirt. "Figure out what your problem is and just leave them both the hell alone."

Sasuke walked back over to the railing and picked up Gaara's untouched glass of champagne. He looked down into the bubbly liquid for a long moment before draining it in one swallow.

"Everything's different. Everything's so fucked up," he said. "Back in school I was never threatened by her being over at yours all the time. In my head, you and Naruto… just a couple of beta fucks. But look at him now. Look at you."

"We choose the path we take in life," Gaara said, sliding his hands into his pockets.

"My parents… my brother… they all set me up for failure," Sasuke muttered, still holding the empty glass. "With Sakura it makes things easier. You know that."

His tone was unusually soft, as if trying to elicit sympathy, but Gaara wasn't having it.

"You know who I am. How I was born and how I lived," Gaara shook his head. "So you can save the manipulation. I have no tears for you."

"No. Of course not," he said darkly, and walked past Gaara, towards the stairs leading down to street level.

"You're not staying?" Gaara tried not to sound too startled. After the night before, he had expected much more of a fight.

"What's the point? It's like she said last night, right? I don't have anything here anymore."

Gaara watched Sasuke take off down the stairs, still thinking of those words. There he was, in a place he had grown to detest with people he couldn't stand, waiting to accept an award that essentially meant nothing.

"What are you doing out here?" A loud snap brought Gaara back to reality. When he turned towards the doors, Rasa stood in front of him, sour faced as usual.

"Nothing. I'm leaving," Gaara pushed past his father, and back into the ballroom. Across the room, he could see Shijima standing with an empty glass in her hand, looking worried.

"Are you out of your mind? The awards are going to be given out shortly and you have clients to attend to." Rasa tried to grab for his son's arm, but Gaara was too fast.

"Let Shijima collect it. I have somewhere more important to be." Gaara snatched one of the large bottles of champagne from the table and rushed out.

* * *

When Gaara pulled up to Sakura's house for the third time in two days, he spotted her outside on the porch, shaking dust from a floor mat. The bruising on her face had gone down slightly, but still, she appeared to struggle.

"What are you doing?" Gaara snatched the mat from her hands. "I'd think a doctor would know the meaning of bedrest."

"Gaara!" Sakura put her hands on her hips. "What are you doing here! I thought you had your dinner!"

"Never mind that – why are _you_ out here doing this?" Gaara gestured to the floor mat.

"My mom went out with an old friend and Sarada's sleeping over at Ino's. It's the only chance for me to clean up around here."

"I'm sure it's perfectly tidy." Gaara gave the rug a vigorous shake and then draped it over his arm.

"Way to ruin my night," Sakura muttered, but there was a soft smile on her lips. Somehow, with him standing there in a suit, hair slicked back and perfect, it was hard to stay upset.

"Listen... I brought something." Gaara lifted the bottle of champagne into the glow of light spilling from the open front door. "A peace offering."

"God this looks expensive." Sakura's eyes went wide at the label. "What's the occasion?"

"I thought we might have some together," Gaara said. "It would give me a chance to apologise."

"That sounds like a great idea," Sakura smiled gently and showed Gaara into the house. As he took off his shoes in the entryway, Sakura made a beeline for the kitchen. He watched her place the champagne bottle on the counter and then stand on her tiptoes to reach for a set of fluted glasses on the top shelf.

The edge of her dress pulled up, and Gaara let his gaze run up the length of her tanned legs, all the way up to the paler gap between her thighs. The bit of deviant in him watched her struggle for a moment before coming up from behind to help.

"I'll get those," he said smoothly. Sakura jumped slightly as his body covered hers, pressing firm against her back.

"I…" she swallowed hard as Gaara lifted both glasses with ease and placed them on the table top beside her. "Thanks."

"Of course," he said against her ear. Sakura expected him to move back towards the table, but instead Gaara placed a hand on the small of her back. He felt her stiffen slightly but was pleased when she made no move to pull away.

"You were right about the way I reacted earlier," he said softly. "It wasn't about us; it was about my father. I didn't consider your feelings, and I'm sorry."

" _I'm sorry_ ," she repeated the words airily. "Wow. It's been a long time since anyone's apologised to me for anything."

"I mean it," Gaara insisted.

"I appreciate it," Sakura assured him. "And I shouldn't have freaked out on you, but Gaara… I don't get it. Why do you care what he thinks anymore? You're so much better than that."

She turned to face him. It wasn't until they were face to face that she realised just how close they'd become. Gaara's taller form eclipsed hers, and his arms made a slight bridge to keep her up against the cabinets. It was daring, she thought. But wasn't everything between them?

"I suppose part of me just wants to prove him wrong. And another wanted to show you that there's always a space for you in my life. No matter what."

"Gaara I don't know what to say." Sakura's cheeks went scarlet.

She reached up and placed her hands flat against his chest. "You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Not to your father or to me."

"I'd like you to know that I'm serious about you."

"I know." Sakura fidgeted, smoothing invisible wrinkles in Gaara's tie. "I know."

"I'm in love with you," Gaara caught her hands with his. "Do you know that, too?"

Sakura's heart began to race, and suddenly she wished she had a glass of the champagne to calm her nerves. "Jesus. Hearing you say that out loud sounds so strange."

"It's about time, isn't it?" Gaara asked seriously.

Sakura smiled at the typical Gaara response, but there was something strained in her eyes. "I just wish my life wasn't so complicated. Things would be easier."

"What's _so complicated_?" Gaara challenged. "That you're getting a divorce? That you have a daughter? Nothing in life is easy, Sakura, and of all life's difficulties… I consider these to be some of the most minor. I want to be in your life and Sarada's life. If you'll let me."

Sakura's heart grew light as he spoke, but knew she had to keep from being too idealistic.

"I want to see you, Gaara but we'll have to be sensitive about it, you know? Sarada's just a kid. She doesn't know I'm not getting back together with Sasuke and she doesn't know about us."

"Of course. I understand. Whatever you need." Gaara said but thought back to the conversation Sarada had started earlier with him in the living room. Clearly the young girl knew more than any of them were aware of.

Sakura smiled. She certainly wasn't used to hearing that, but she liked it. "Well…let's stop talking and open this already, shall we?"

She handed the bottle to Gaara, who easily popped the top and poured two full glasses for them both. Instead of drinking in the kitchen, Sakura led them back outside to the porch to look out at the moon.

"It's nice," Sakura said. She let her hand slide tentatively across Gaara's knee and over his palm.

He clasped it instinctively. "It is."

They sat together in quiet company, drinking slowly until the bottle was finished.

"I suppose that's that," Gaara slid his hand away from Sakura's once she'd emptied her glass. "I don't want to keep you up too late." Before he could finish making the case to leave, Sakura scrambled to her feet.

"Wait! Just wait here!" she said a little too loudly, already tipsy from the bubbles.

While Gaara waited on the porch, she rushed back and dug around in the pantry until she found another bottle. It was a cheap red wine from –knowing her mother—what had to be some supermarket sale. Normally, Sakura would have been embarrassed to share it with someone as well-to-do as Gaara, but she couldn't let the night end so soon.

"Resourceful woman." Gaara smiled once she'd returned to her place beside him on the porch. He slid a hand into her hair and stroked it back from her face, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Sakura closed her eyes, savouring his touch. It had been so long since she'd been touched like that. So lovingly.

She unscrewed the top on the bottle and filled the flutes high with red wine.

"Cheers," she smiled shyly.

"Cheers." Gaara said and leaned in to kiss her parted lips. It was becoming more natural to be intimate with her, and with every drink he could feel her reservations begin to slip away as well. It was like college all over again but intensified. There was no need to be coy – no need to sneak around and pretend that every touch was something innocent when they knew that what really fuelled the flirting was desire.

As if reading his mind, Sakura draped her legs across Gaara's lap. Since Shijima, Gaara had learned to be quite blunt with his advances, but something about Sakura gave him pause. With her, he wanted ease. He wanted perfection. Gently, Gaara stroked his hand up and down her thigh. The movement was so simple, but it soothed Sakura.

"You're really good at that," she said suddenly. When Gaara turned to face her he could see that Sakura's cheeks were stained a deeper pink than usual, and her eyelids hung slightly, giving her an especially sultry look. They had just finished the second bottle and he could tell that she, like him, was already feeling its effects. Suddenly the urge to escalate things between them had grown much stronger.

"I'm good at a lot of things," he said offhandedly, and Sakura's jaw went slack. Normally she would have brushed the statement off as an innocent one, but there was something about the way Gaara looked at her and the feeling of his hand stroking her thigh…

' _You think that once he gets his dick wet he won't move on to something better? With less baggage and a better body?'_

Suddenly Sasuke's voice snapped into Sakura's head, and she drew her leg back as a reflex. Gaara was startled by the sudden reaction, but let the shock settle on his features for only a second before tucking his hands into his pockets. Clearly he'd moved too quickly, but there was something about Sakura he couldn't resist.

"Perhaps I should call Kankuro to pick me up," Gaara was quick to change the subject before Sakura could apologise. "I can't drive like this."

"W-wait! You could stay!" Sakura suggested. "Mebuki won't be back until late, probably. And I don't have to pick up Sarada until tomorrow afternoon, so… so stay."

Gaara didn't respond right away, and Sakura smacked her forehead with a palm when she realised how overeager she'd sounded. "I mean in the spare room or…"

"Or?" Gaara pushed her to continue. He had wanted to remove himself from the situation before things got to be too much, but if Sakura was suggesting what he thought she was suggesting, he would stay as long as she wanted.

Sakura chewed at her lower lip. "Well, or the couch or something. I just think I'd feel good if you stayed. It's lonely by yourself sometimes."

Gaara nodded slowly, looking more at her lips than her face. Sakura leaned in for another kiss, but he pulled back ever so slightly.

"What could I do to make it less lonely?" he asked, just centimetres from pressing his lips to hers.

"Maybe…just…" she struggled. "Another drink?"

"And then?" his tone was playful, but Sakura felt her heart racing at the tease.

"Sakura…" he reached forward and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I don't want to sleep on your couch or in the spare room or anywhere that isn't by your side. I want…" He slid a hand further up her thigh, just under the edge of her skirt.

Sakura lost her voice. She didn't know if it was the alcohol or something else, but Gaara had suddenly become exceptionally bold.

"Gaara I…" Sakura fidgeted and faltered. He was gorgeous, and she could only assume _immensely talented_ , but…

Feeling the uncertainty in her pause, Gaara withdrew his hand and gently placed it on top of her head. It reminded her of the way Sasuke had always given her forehead a patronising tap, and Sakura couldn't help but feel like a child.

"I'm sorry. Let's call it a night," he suggested.

 _No, don't!_ Sakura wanted to scream, but the words wouldn't come.

All she could feel was a subtle terror, a nagging voice in the back of her head reminding her of every single stretch mark and wrinkle and pudge that had formulated over the years they'd been apart. She thought of Sasuke, and the embarrassment of being denied by her own husband time and time again. And finally, she thought of Shijima. How could she possibly ever compare to someone like her?

"I had a great time. We should do this again," she blurted the first thing she could think of.

"Of course," Gaara said to reassure her. "Just let me know."

Though he'd managed to urge her back inside and get an early night's sleep, Sakura couldn't help but watch from her bedroom window as Gaara waited on her porch for Kankuro to arrive. He pulled up in an uber about ten minutes later, looking erratic. She couldn't hear the words, but Kankuro gesticulated wildly at the house with both hands before Gaara clasped a hand over his mouth and forced him into the driver's seat of his Mercedes.

As soon as the car pulled off, Sakura dropped back onto her bed with a sigh. Her whole body tingled at the thought of Gaara's touch, but still she'd seized up. 8 years ago, all she could think about when she was with Gaara was pouncing on top of the man.

 _Why was she being such a child about this now?_

* * *

 **AN:** God guys, just bang already. Jesus!


End file.
